Voices

Rewritten.

The cold wind will blow;  

but the memories never go,

 

away to the land where 

none can be felt or heard ...

sitting here, I can hear the voices, 

calling my name in the wind - that blows. 

Neither feeling nor hearing, 

here I am; 

waiting for someone to show 

the grief --- within.

Author's Note

This is the first ever poem of my life ;)

Reviews

[V]

But a good one because of its sincerity. The words are simple but on point, the images behind them vivid. There's a sharpness in the ache which emanates from your words. The cold of wind adds to the atmosphere, grayish as the grief within.

One thing I'd like to suggest: I think it'd read better if you used will instead of would or just the usual present tense.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Vanessa. I appreciate your words on this one.
About the suggestion, I think you're right.
Glad you like it 😊

[V]

I do 😊 You're welcome then.

[LazerRays]

Ah- yumna, this is EXACTLY why I like going through your poetry. I find little treasures like these hidden among the others. It's definately is worth the search :P
it's a short and sweet song that screams feeling. I love that.
:D

-Sarah

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I'm glad you found this one of mine, Sarah. Thank you so much for appreciating. x

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Well, for your very first poem ever, it looks like you had a beautiful art ever since

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you for recognizing this art, Sire :))

[Kesha]

I actually like this one, I remember my first poem, it was truly awful lol! But this one isn't, it was very nicely done :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you, Kesha! Probably the truest ever I've written haha 😛
I'm glad you liked it 😊

[Kesha]

You are welcome :)

[altair.novice]

sublime that scenic beauty of a vast stretch of scarcely vegetative land. glowing in the dim moonlight envisioned the silence. was really touching.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you! I'm glad it touched you 😊

[Richard🖌]

Yumna,
It may well be your first, but most definitely not your worst.
Formed and wrapped in its poignant depths shines forth a person of great vision and feeling … effulgent exemplification to the fine and revered poetess you'll come to be, the artist we all admire and enjoy.
Who could help sighing from such as,
"Sitting here I can hear the voices calling
My name in the wind that blows
Neither feeling nor hearing …"
My gosh, Yumna, this whole piece is not only soul-gripping, it speaks in full, rich poetic voice … a harbinger of that which will flow from your gifted pen.

My warmest, most grateful hug of sincere thanks, for sharing You! ⁓ Richard

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're much too kind, dear Sir!

I find myself content that under the wings of writers like you I have grown somewhat. But of course there is no end to learning and that I shall continue.

Thank you, truly for the appreciation. This means a lot to me, Richard ☺

[Richard🖌]

it is You whom inspire my gracious comments, Yumna, and anytime you may so wish it, I am always ready to share. : )

[Ted Kniffen]

Well done, Yk. This comes across with just the right amount of mystery to get one thinking. Pretty good for a first write. Good job.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you Ted! I'm glad you liked my first attempt 😊

[Giulia King]

One of your best poems, Yumna :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hey, thanks Gullia! Compliment indeed for me! ☺

[M. L. F.]

Best stanzas here:

Sitting here I can hear the voices calling
My name in the wind that blows
Neither feeling nor hearing here I am
Waiting for someone to show
The grief within_

I Like this one.. your work is evolving... your flow..your sense of rhythym is gaining strength and the work is getting deeper... good work..
...Misty

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hah well I think then its going on a downfall 'cause this one was the first poem I wrote on WC, also of my life 😂
But thank you for the appreciation, Misty! Means a lot ☺

[M. L. F.]

Lolll... funny. THIS one is nice... so.are the others but this one is great. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Well thanks again! Try not to compliment me too much coz it gets to the head 😉
Maybe thats what caused the downfall 😂😂😂

[M. L. F.]

Lolol... ok! ;)

[YanZeros]

Very true, simply written but made me pause for awhile and made me think. :) Yumna

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Err think what? 😂
Thank you, Ricco! Means alot 😊

[YanZeros]

You're welcome! I mean the scenery your words painted.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ohh right 😊