Selfishly

March 7th Selfishly

What did this world do to become so blessed
You’re an angel in the mix, the mess

i know you don’t agree, but if you were me
you’d say
what made him so special, so impressive, and capable?

You’d think
What the hell would i do if he weren’t here to help me along? how could i sleep at night without his soft song? You’ll never be alone, where you find him is where you’ll find warm, sweet home.

sometimes in his absence, you’d ponder
It’s like he’s been watching over me this whole time because
When wasn’t he showing me love, providing his gentle care?

you’d know for sure
In his eyes you do nothing wrong, your wild anger is just words, and your tears are so strong.

And then you’d be mistaken
he’s an angel, what were you thinking?
You thought he could be yours for the taking?
You’re selfish, unholy.

The first thing that you’d wanna do is
Rip off his wings, kiss him when he screams
Cry when he bleeds from his back
Convince him you’re the only one he needs, he himself is the blessing you lack.

God, you don’t wanna share, but you’d reduce to your senses:
He’s an angel, and he’s not just your own.
his love, his passion, his glory, his honesty, his beauty, his glow
His amazing being is above you
He won’t be in your arms, but always around you
And that’s enough because the thought of him just not existing in your messy world
Makes you a crying girl
Knees on the floor, next to the bed
Begging him to be here again

Next, you’d cry to him “and the worst part is..”
i know you love me, but you’re an angel and i’m just not
i feel so pure in your presence, we’re so glorious in my thoughts

I’ll never forget you, you’ve always healed trouble in my heart, twinge in my soul
The thing is, i’ll grow wicked and old, crooked, twisted, cracked while you stay gold.

Finally he’d speak, just once, “you’re the purest girl in this messy world, Mary. And if the circumstances were different, we’d be so different. But I can’t give myself up, i hope you understand. I love you. Right now i am speaking with you, woman to man. Staring in those lucky green eyes for as long as i can, because I have to forget so soon, please forgive me. I’ll still be around.”


Lastly, because you know it’s right, you couldn’t speak, so you’d write

“To the man i love

I hope you know because of you, i’ll be okay on my own
Thank you for teaching me all that i know
I hope one day that you come back and tell me you’d forget your past
Become unholy, unclean, cold, and mean to everyone else but me

It’s okay, i know that’s selfish, i know part of you is selfless and i shouldn’t ask this
I just hope we didn’t cross paths to love then become homeless.

Deeply, I am yours completely
The woman that loves you”