It was you

It was you

A Chapter by Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse
"

playing with the lives of others can cost greatly.

"
The whistling Tree at Night's remorse
Splashing waves with a gentle force
The running wind at super speed 
Foolish was I, foolish indeed

The chirping Sun that sat on a cloud
swallowing thunders, crashing loud
rain covered blood from red to blue
I had no idea it was you

Silent bullet said no name
just for money, bragging fame
Laughing Gun I held in hand
Friendly corpse where my feet do stand

Blinding dreams I hung my head
Pushing all noise, "he's dead, he's dead!"
How could I know in the confusing brew
A mistake costs lives, that mistake chose you


© 2017 Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse


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Reviews

A hauntingly beautiful write!
Loved the eloquent flow and vivid imagery!
Dark and profound!
I absolutely loved reading this!
Kudos!

PS: I have written a few dark pieces myself. Specifically, the 4 line poems- 'Treachery' and 'Creeping Murk' are very similar to your haunting piece. Please have a look at them.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse

8 Years Ago

Of course I will dear, thats what we are here for, to help and be helped, I ll have a look at both i.. read more
Jyoti_Ablaze

8 Years Ago

You are very welcome! :D
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V
Interesting imagery, topic. Nicely written poem though if I may to point out sth tiny: The line "I had no idea it was you" reads a tad too short (at least to my mind, it's disturbing the flow a bit) in comparison to the others. Or maybe I just read it differently than supposed to be read. Well done, anyways.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse

8 Years Ago

no, you are correct, the word "idea" is the one throwing the reader off, because its an off beat syl.. read more
V

8 Years Ago

Don't change it if it's ok for you. It's your poem. It's difficult to tell sometimes how to read a p.. read more
This is so well written! I can see as the story unfolds. I love it!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse

8 Years Ago

Thank you much
Wild mind and wild use of weapons or knifes. Lead to bad ending.
"Blinding dreams I hung my head
Pushing all noise, "he's dead, he's dead!"
How could I know in the confusing brew
A mistake costs lives, that mistake chose you"
Guns can't act alone. Need foolish person and action. Powerful words and thoughts left something for the reader to think about. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


This one is deep, and pretty dark. I like how you also told a story. Good write..

Posted 8 Years Ago


I really like this. Great expression.

Posted 8 Years Ago


this is very well written.. very good indeed. it is really difficult to keep my attention in others writing, but you held it from the get go.. good work..

Posted 8 Years Ago


Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse

8 Years Ago

Thank you and I'm glad you read all the way through, its a little different for me writing this but .. read more
DeerInHeadlights

8 Years Ago

it is really good.. I feel.. the adrenaline of the person in the poem.
i love this, you are an extremely good poet..will be reading more :) full marks

Posted 8 Years Ago


Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse

8 Years Ago

Oh hush Carson haha its something different I'm trying. Thanks for support
hcarson

8 Years Ago

It's very good :)

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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on March 21, 2016
Last Updated on March 25, 2017


Author

Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse
Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse

Worcester, MA



About
My writing is strongly based on science, culture, myths and fantasy. I do enjoy poem writing but short stories are my passion, I am developing a few novels as well. I am looking for any critique that .. more..

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