Reflections

A boy named Proteus has come to believe the story of his Pappous about shooting stars and humans, he would always tell his friends Dimitrios and Samir about it until one special night occured...

REFLECTIONS 

  

The sky, such a beautiful playground for the clouds and stars, its oceans of color crashing into the Sun, its blankets warming the chilly Moon. Why could I not have been born in the sky? Why did I have to be born a star of the ground? I’ve heard stories of the sky; how the Sun turns red when it sets because of a romantic secret between the Sun and its betrothed Moon. But a story that has always inspired me is that of shooting stars. My Pappous always told me this story before bed. He would say that we came from the sky and that we then landed on Earth as babies from shooting stars; our only true mission was finding a way back to the heavens above.  

  

********************************************************************************** 

 
 
 

“Proteus, look at the water!” Samir yells excitedly, as his hands encircle a cloud reflected in the ocean. 

 
 
 

“Don’t you wish you could touch it in real life? What would it feel like?” I reply with a boyish wonderment that never seems to tire of imagining something new. 

 
 
 

“I would say it’s like a lump of cotton candy! Man, I would love to eat it.” 

 
 
 

Samir proceeds to demonstrate his love of cotton candy by inserting his head into the water face first, with his mouth eagerly open, as if he could taste what he saw. What a silly Indian boy! 

 
 
 

“Don’t be silly, Samir, clouds have no taste. They’re made of gas and water! What taste does water have? None, right Proteus?” Dimitrios, the Russian boy, laughs while attempting to build a sandcastle. “Plus, if it were anything, it would be a house for the stars. They work all night, so they have to rest in the morning, don’t they?” 

 
 
 

“Nonsense! Aren't they like ice cream?” Samir interrupted. “Doesn't it make sense? It melts under the Sun, and that’s why it rains, and it’s cold. I mean, how could you explain the snow?! I think people gather the snow and add flavor to it, that’s all.” 

 
 
 

With a grin, I stand up to watch my two friends engulfed in wonderment. How silly my friends can sometimes be, especially Samir. I cannot keep myself from laughing at such good friends who wish to believe that clouds are food or houses.  

 
 
 

“Well, what about the stars?” 

 
 
 

“Don’t start! You have told us the story, Proteus. We used to be stars, blah, blah.” 

 
 
 

“Don’t be so harsh, Dimitrios! How do we do it exactly, Proteus?” 

 
 
 

With a laugh, I throw my arms around my two friends, Samir and Dimitrios, and pull them with me to the sand. 

 
 
 

“I have an idea.” My eyebrows jump up and down in excitement. “We have to use the water!” I pull them in closer. “Think about it; you guys talk about clouds all the time, but you’re missing something: water! What else can reach the sky and comes back down to Earth?” 

 
 
 

“And what of gas?” Samir asks. 

 
 
 

“Or gravity?” Dimitrios implores. 

 
 
 

“No, no, see, water is much different. How do you think water reaches the clouds? When it rains, where does it come from?” 

 
 
 

Dimitrios and Samir stay quiet for a second and then start laughing. 

 
 
 

“You can't pull that one on us my friend!” Dimitrios laughs nervously. 

 
 
 

“Yeah, you got us this time.” Samir signals Dimitrios to leave. “See you tomorrow!” 

 
 
 

My friends leave me, still laughing as they head for their homes. The Sun also laughs its way below the horizon. I lie on my hammock just outside of my shack, under the palm trees where I can easily peek at the sky beyond my feet. I lie there, quietly rearranging the stars to my desire, as a small cloud gathers overhead to pour its tears to Earth as rain. After an afternoon in the scorching summer Sun, the rain feels refreshingly invigorating. 

 
 
 

Enjoying the coolness of the gentle evening shower, I reach down from my hammock to grab a pebble and send it skipping into the ocean. With no reason other than it is something to do, I keep tossing as many as I can reach until finally, I grow bored, having run out of pebbles. 

 
 
 

Though my hammock fills with water, I lie comfortably in it with one pebble left in my hand. The ocean has become calm and once more, with the light of the stars reflecting upon the gentleness of the whispering waves, and the Moon has just begun to rise. 

 
 
 

I then spot a particular star dancing upon the ocean waters, catching my attention. Of all the stars dancing this night, only it appears to be a bright blue. All alone in its solitude, it appears in need of company. Instinctively, I hurl the remaining pebble at that beautifully bright blue star on the waters, taking careful aim so as not to miss…silly but fun. 

 
 
 

Climbing out of my hammock to empty the rainwater upon the ground, I begin gathering more pebbles to toss at that lonely blue star. It seems that no matter how carefully I aim, I miss it every single time. About ready to give this foolishness up, I pick up one last pebble. This time I throw it directly at the star against the darkened ocean of the sky. Certain that I hit the star, to my amazement, my pebble plummets in its arc back towards the Earth to strike the ocean perfectly within the bright blue star's reflection…. 

 
 
 

Tink! It sounds as though the pebble had struck something in the ocean. For a moment, I think it must have hit the other pebbles I tossed previously. But how could that possibly be? I wonder. 

 
 
 

Curiously, I get closer to the ocean to gaze upon the bright blue star's reflection. In shock, I see it move through the water. Looking up from its reflection to the star in the sky, I see that it has begun to move as well, but not steadfast. No, it is falling. 

 
 
 

In that moment, I feel inexplicably led to jump into the ocean. I attempt to follow the star’s direction until it falls out of swimming’s reach. I get out of the water, discouraged and confused. Heading back towards my shack, my eyes spot another pebble. Frustrated, I scoop it up to toss it skyward with all of my might, anger fueling the energy driving my arm.  

 
 
 

I can’t believe my eyes! I see a blue glow moving in the ocean; it is getting closer to the shore, right between the ongoing battle of waves and sand. I am afraid, so I redirect the pebble towards the strange creature. A boy emerges from the waters while the pebble leaps back toward me and onto the ground.  

 
 
 

It is raining. Maybe I’m just seeing things. The strange figure creeps closer, and I suddenly remember the stories my Pappous told of the ties between the ocean, sky, stars, clouds, Sun, and Moon…. Everything! It is all starting to make sense. 

 
 
 

Is he from the sky?  
 
 

The boy silently approaches me, and I fall to the ground in a panic until a friendly hand breaks the grip of fear. I look up and see a familiar smile on the boy’s face. I find someone I know in that boy’s eyes. I find...myself. It is me whom I am looking at. Then the rain stops. 

 
 
 

“Speak, child, for we are but the same!” The mysterious boy smiles. 

 
 
 

“Don’t hurt me!” I shout, curling up in fearful confusion. 

 
 
 

“Don’t be a fool; I will explain.” He picks me up, and I slowly redirect my eyes towards the happy boy. 

 
 
 

“My name is Caelestis. Nice to meet you.” 

 
 
 

His hand stretches out to give me the handshake only my friends and I know. Who is this boy? Is it really possible to have a lookalike in this world? I let go of his hand and he runs back towards the ocean. 

 
 
 

“Follow me.” The boy jumps into the water, and once in, he points at a grey cloud. “Grab it!” he shouts. 

 
 
 

I shrug at the boy’s demand. “That’s absurd; it’s only a reflection,” I mumble. 

 
 
 

I dip my hand into the reflection, and I feel something squishy and wet between my fingers. I grasp it and out it comes�"a piece of cloud! Once again, I can’t believe my eyes. 

 
 
 

“Come on, taste it!" the boy implores. 

 
 
 

I am baffled at the boy’s demand. Investigating the piece of cloud, I eventually stick it into my mouth and close my eyes to amplify its taste. My mouth moves the cloud inside as it begins to melt. I stop chewing and enjoy its delicious taste. My nostrils suddenly open; it is incomparable�"a chocolate flavor I have never tasted before. I put the other piece back into the reflection and watch in the sky as it retakes its shape. Quickly, I pull out my hand to look back at the boy, but he is gone. My eyes scan the perimeter to see if he is hiding, yet there is no sign of him. Jumping out of the water, I head back into my shack to await the next day, eager tell my friends all about the intriguing night. 

 
 
 

********************************************************************************** 

 
 
 

I awake in the morning on a school-less day and I run over to find my friends outside waiting for me. 

 
 
 

“Are you sure it wasn’t a dream, Proteus?” 

 
 
 

“How do you expect Dimitrios and I to believe this?” 

 
 
 

I reach for a pebble. “I threw it up to the star, and when it landed in the ocean, on its own reflection, it shot down! I ate a cloud, and it wasn’t cotton candy or ice cream; it was chocolate! You guys have to believe me. If only Caelestis were here.” 

 
 
 

Dimitrios grabs me and shakes his head. “You have to prove it to us, pal.” 

 
 
 

“Come tonight, I will prove it,” I say, pushing him off me as they begin to laugh. 

 
 
 

“Ok Proteus, we will come tonight. Tell your buddy Caelestis to show up, wherever he is,” Samir says sarcastically, waving his hand back and forth. 

 
 
 

My friends leave, and I stay outside, contemplating the ocean and sky in front of me when suddenly a rush of wind knocks me over. I lift my head and, out of fear, jump back. There is Caelestis standing in front of me. 

 
 
 

“You have to stop scaring me like that.” I stand up, dusting off the sand. 

 
 
 

“I’m sorry.” He smiles. “Here, put this on. I’m going to teach you something today.”  

 
 
 

He tosses a necklace with a yellow and orange stone on it, his, white and blue.  

 
 
 

“What is this?” I put it on, admiring its colors. 

 
 
 

“It’s a Sun stone; I have the Moon stone. We need to wear this when we are together. This is the only way we can stay connected to each other. Now come; let’s stop wasting time.” 

 
 
 

He gets near the water and carefully watches the ocean’s reflection of a bird dashing through the sky. He submerges his hand and pulls out the bird from the ocean�"the bird is no longer in the sky. 

 
 
 

“When I pull out this bird, do you doubt its reality? Was the bird flying in the sky or swimming in the ocean?” He lets the bird go, and I watch it zoom back up in the air. “If you say he was flying you are correct; on the other hand, if you say he was swimming you are also correct.” 

 
 
 

I am bewildered and amazed by what just happened. I look at my hands in complete disbelief. 

 
 
 

“It’s all about perception, Proteus. Technically, birds swim in the waters of the sky. They don’t fly. They don’t soar. They swim because water connects them.” Caelestis dives into the ocean. "Follow me!" I search for him in the waters until I hear his voice from above. “Don’t be scared Proteus, just dive!” 

 
 
 

He is sitting on a cloud asking me to join him, and without a doubt in my mind, I decided to dive into the waters, closing my eyes and holding my nose. I open them, and I can see the ocean far below me�"I am swimming in the sky! I look around at a flock of birds fly next to me. Caelestis and I are now sitting on a cloud. I reach him and laugh in amazement. 

 
 
 

“Woah! I can’t believe this! How is it possible?” 

 
 
 

The magical boy explains it all: We were all stars and reflections of everyone created, but some are meant to live on Earth and others in the sky. He is my reflection�"the other person who stares back in the mirrors of the ocean. He explains how one day we all have to come back to the sky to become one person, just like my Pappous used to tell me. But only those who believe will find out the truth behind it all; the others will only know in the end. We talk and walk on the numerous clouds, bathing in the rainbow, drinking its fruit-flavored juice, and eating cheese off of the Sun. It is a magical place indeed! 

 
 
 

“Well, it’s time to go, Proteus.” My reflection dusts off the cloud particles stuck on his clothing. 

 
 
 

“Wait, will we see each other again?” I quickly get up and grab him by the shirt. 

 
 
 

“We will in the future, but for now it cannot be. Next time you should show me things of your world…. Oh�"and about your friends�"let them find out on their own.” 

 
 
 

He winks at me as the Sun slowly fades away. The beautiful Moon begins to peek out, as they kiss each other goodbye. I discover the stars emerging out of a hiding spot mentioned in a legend of the astronaut, James Johnson. They all stare at me, and I notice the only terrestrial star in their midst. Beyond the star, I see him, my Pappous, right next to Caelestis. He smiles and waves goodbye, and I reach out with extended arms as the ocean spits me out onto the sandy beach. I look up and can't believe that I, Proteus, the imaginary boy, was among the stars. My friends arrive at that exact moment, and I can't do anything but stare into the sky. 

 
 
 

“Well Proteus, we are here!” Samir shouts, kicking the sand. 

 
 
 

“Come on, don’t keep us waiting!” Dimitrios pushes Samir to the side. 

 
 
 

The boys begin to wrestle in the sand, but I am still swimming in my head, high above in the sky. Dimitrios shoves me, and I get up with a smile. I take some pebbles from nearby and hand them to my friends as I walk back into my shack. 

 
 
 

“Hey! Where are you going?” the Russian boy asks, confused, while the Indian boy looks plainly at the pebbles. 

 
 
 

“Just start throwing pebbles you guys,” I chuckle, closing my shack's door. 

 
 
 

I watch the sky through my roofless shack, thinking of Caelestis and everything I witnessed. It was true�"all true. I then see two shooting stars, followed by a loud pound on my door and the shouts of my friends. I laugh. Word spreads fast, and everyone visits my once lonely waters of Vaadhoo Island. A meteor shower�"that’s what scientists called it�"but I was the only one to know the truth…the truth of reflection. 

  

  

“Sometimes the sky can be a little too high to reach, but if you wait for its reflection in the wide ocean, you will never miss it when tossing pebbles at the Moon; there lie your dreams.” 

                                                 ~Sir Drift and Mr. Pulse~ 

Author's Note

Every name has a meaning for the character
Samir means Air
Dimitrios means Earth
Proteus means Water
Caelestis means Sky

please write any critique on it, they are all accepted for my development

Cover design by Eli Castor.

Reviews

[Sarah Wilson]

Great writing, original and captivating story. I especially like how each element is in play and how they interact with each other. Usually when the elements are part of a story people tend to separate them too much. There are only a VERY few nit picky editing things you could do, but the piece as a whole is great! Keep up the good work!

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Thank you. It's my second version and I'm working on my third for it to be complete. Thank you for reading it.

[Coyote Poetry]

I very good story told.
" I watched the sky through my roofless shack with thinking of Caelestis and everything I have witnessed, it was true, all true. I then see two shooting stars followed by a pound on my door from my friends, I laughed. Word spread fast and every one visited my once lonely waters; meteor showers, that’s what scientists called it but I was the only one to know the truth, the truth of Reflection"
I like the thoughts and the above ending. Take a lifetime for some people to know what is important. Nice closing to the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Thanks man! I really appreciate that comment. I wanted the ending to twist with reality to create a space for doubt in peoples knowledge. And of course the ending phrase was for people to realize that they don't have to reach for the sky right away, instead they should start from below. Thank you for the read

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed your work and you are welcome.

[Will Neill]

Sir Drift, Woody is a good friend of mine here on WC and knows a good story, he has given you a good review and one I totally agree with. Take look at his recommendations he's spot on. Ok
Take care.
Will

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Yes I am currently remodifying it. Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed it. I know I'm a novice in writing buy with all of your reviews I will grow as well as in my studies. Thank you again

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Your heart has penned a very poignantly brilliant philosophical tale that oozes the ancient juices of mythological fable and fairy-tale, yet magically and entertainingly believable in its presentation ... I truly enjoyed this adventure of your heart come to life upon Internet page ... A good read that held my interest from start to finish ...

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I very appreciably take your comment and advice to heart, this is my newest and most proud work yet! All I want is not to become the greatest writer in the world but simply open the imagination of every one. My works are humble and just full of inspirations I live through daily! Thank you and others for the developing advice. I will create a new version with everyone's constructive advice.

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn's Dark Tales & More Store]

Thank you for sharing your story ... You must be your own writer, and never let others, like me, do your writing for you ... Accept ideas and advise, but keep to the path of being you, the writer that you are and were meant to be ... I would never want to detract from who you are meant to be as a writer ... We are all different, that is why different readers, read different things and different authors ... You stick to you guns, keep writing your heart, and I will keep supporting you ... There is a magic about you that says you could go far, if you don't stop being yourself ... I am pleased and proud to have met you ...

[JayG]

• I will create a new version with everyone's constructive advice.

The very last thing you want to so is ask people who cannot sell their own work how to write for publication. If they knew they would be regularly selling their work.

A quote from Holly Lysle fits well: “Michaelangelo did not have a college degree, nor did Leonardo da Vinci. Thomas Edison didn't. Neither did Mark Twain (though he was granted honorary degrees in later life.) All of these people were professionals. None of them were experts. Get your education from professionals, and always avoid experts.

That aside, you did ask me to comment. I was going to take a pass, since what I have to say may be painful. But since you asked, and since you deserve to know...

First: the term comma splice refers to two fully independent sentences connected by a comma when a period is indicated. This piece is loaded with them, and by an editor’s standards an immediate rejection point.

Next, dump the opening section. It has meaning to you because you have intent. You know its meaning and how it relates. To the reader, who knows nothing of the story at this point, it’s lacking all context. Another immediate rejection point, I’m afraid.

But of most importance, you, the writer, are telling the reader a story, as if they can hear the words. Can that work if the reader can’t hear the emotion in your voice; can’t hear the meaningful pauses; can’t hear the changes in intensity, tone, and cadence? Can it work if the reader can’t see the facial expressions you use to illustrate the emotion the character is feeling; can’t see the gestures you visually punctuate with; can’t see your body language?

In a word: no. All they get is uninflected words that mean only what they suggest to the reader, not what you intended. In short, you can’t use verbal storytelling skills to write fiction. It takes a skill-set that works within the limitations of a medium that reproduces neither sound nor picture. Have your computer read the story to you and you'll hear what a reader does.

Next, you’re using scriptwriting techniques to present conversation. But you don’t include stage direction on how the words are to be read. Readers are method actors and must know what’s motivating each character so they can read the dialog as the character would speak them. But making it worse your characters don’t smile, frown, hesitate, rephrase, or do anything that real people do, which would at least give a hint as to how it should sound.

Here’s the thing. In the end, telling a story on the page is a difficult, complex undertaking, and as difficult to master as any other profession. And like any profession it has a body of professional knowledge that’s not optional because people have been reading the result of that particular skill-set their whole lives, and expect you to use the same, expected way of presenting a story. They want dialog that reads naturally, not a transcription of speech presented as a script.

So forget if you’re using a better, or even an equal way of presenting your story. Your reader, if presented with an unexpected writing style, one that doesn't immediately provide pleasure to make up for the confusion it causes, will simply stop reading. And if they do that on page one you wasted the effort to write more than the first page.

Bottom line: Wanting to tell a story isn’t enough. Having a story, no matter how good, isn’t enough. That story needs to be translated from the form it holds in your imagination into a form that will generate that same thing in the reader’s mind. And to do that is a cooperative effort between reader and writer, using-the-same-set-of-rules.

You can’t guess at the skills needed. If it was easy it wouldn’t have taken centuries to refine them to what they are today. You can no more guess at them based on your reading than you can learn how to handle and care for a chefs knife by eating a meal in a fine restaurant—or become a film director by watching TV drama.

As Larry Brown put it, “There’s no such thing as a born writer. It’s a skill you’ve got to learn, just like learning how to be a bricklayer or a carpenter.”

So keep on writing, of course. But take the time to add the tricks of the pros. Knowledge is a damn good substitute for genius.

You can find a new use for a given tool. You can choose to ignore a given tool. But you cannot, cannot, cannot make use of the tool you don’t know exists. And to quote another writer, Mark Twain, this time, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

The problem you face isn’t one of talent or potential. It’s not related to plot. It’s all the “just ain’t so,” remaining from your schooldays writing training that you need to fix.

So hit the local library’s fiction writing section and devour a few books to get a variety of opinions and tricks. And while you’re there, seek the name, Dwight Swain, Jack Bickham, or Debra Dixon. They’re the best I’ve found to date.

Hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Kristin Noel]

I think this has serious potential! I thought it was an interesting idea, something I hadn't seen before. I think your opening should be stronger, though. I need to be grabbed and thrown into the story right away. I like your first sentence, but it would be more powerful if it was shorter. If your whole first paragraph was shorter actually. I know this is saying a lot, but I really think this will help improve your story. Honestly, because your first paragraph was so long and (I'M SORRY) but a bit hard to understand, I almost didn't read the rest. Now, I'm glad I did! I really liked it! (Oh, I also think changing the font would help with over-all readability.) But keep writing! It's different and cool! Defiantly unique! I'm glad I read it!

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Wow! That was a really good eye opener, I will make that adjustment slashing away the whole shack and lonley thing and putting the bed time story in the body. Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it and didn't give up on it.

[Woody]

here are the little things I may tweek.

1. but the bedtime story that my grandpapi used to tell me is that of shooting stars (full stop, not comma)
2. (comma) at middle school (comma)
3. ... never believe my story (period)
4. reflection beach (period) it's name...
5. wander off (with an "a")
6. I would say it's (not its) like a lump....
7. it rains and it's (not its) cold
8. boys' argument (apostrophe)
9. in or with excitement. not of
10. you're missing something. not your
11. come back down to earth. not comes.
12. my friends left..... as well. this looks like 2 sentences!
13. the whole next paragraph is a mixture of past and present tense. review your tenses.
14. lying underneath.
15. I jump back by how scare I was. try this: I jump back, so scared was I...

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Well thanks a lot! I will definitely look back into it. Its those adjustments that always get me! I really appreciate you taking that time. Wouldn't know how to repay but a million thanks

[Woody]

you're very welcome. the most noticeable problem is punctuation, really.

[Spinygirl]

Wow! No words to explain my feelings... Its just marvelous!!!!! Specially for an amateur like me..

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Every one starts somewhere. Amateur or not writing is writing. Thank you for reading and I encourage you to keep writing.

[Spinygirl]

OK. Thanks.

[Woody]

boy! my head is still swimming. this is a deep write, Sir Drift. quite original. it's obvious you have put much thought into this. I like the parallel between the sky and the ocean.
it is well written and contains minor errors. well done, Sir.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I appreciate your comment. May you point out the errors? I want to improve. Thanks. And I'm glad you took it to its full imaginary estate