Celebration

You look around and don't know anyone, but they  keep coming up to you, smiles in your face, and criticisms behind your back. They shake your  hand and you thank them, even though you know what they've done. Did that part of my life really happen? Lately, I'm feeling as if I never even existed.

Every part of myself that I kept hidden under the guise of fear has been ripped away like the flimsiest of papers in a toddler's hands. Who was I, who am I meant to be, and why couldn't they ever coexist!? Can I save her? Probably not. Is she no longer with me, destroyed by expectations and silenced by a mask I created to please y'all? Can't y'all ever tell me I'm great, I'm perfect? Can't the young writer who suffocated her talent for the sake of others be revived to write once again?

And why the hell not! For every time she was ignored, for every chance she was afforded only to be put on layaway until this day.

Today's the day I love her, the old me, the one who never was able to be. I love her, and her writings are beautiful and meaningful and important. She's important. I love the music she listened to, and the awful hairstyles she decided to try. Can't I celebrate her a bit more, even though I never knew her. Only knowing of what she could have been, and who she became. I am not ashamed of the fact I'm not her wildest dreams, but I'm someone born out of her self hate. I took that hate, and by god I did what I could with it, but I have to throw it away. The only thing left of her... But as I figure out new ways to celebrate her, I realize she was always there, waiting to be loved. 

No one showed her how to appreciate herself, so she deprecated until she was nothing left. I'd hug her, if my arms were long enough  to reach around the torso we share. I'm so fat and happy and healthy and loving... all things she thought we couldn't be. I'm writing for you little  girl. Yes you, the one locked deep in my soul that I can't seem to let go of until I address your concern for you. 

Every flaw, every person that left you when you were suffering, from asphyxiations trying to fix every blemish and smile when you wanted to cry, I allow  you to celebrate your resilience. You survived an impossible situation, one where you could have perished without knowing  what I know and seeing what I see. You're here looking out into a sea of faces, and the ones that matter are beneath you, holding you up. You couldn't see them sis, you missed them searching  for perfection from those who magnified every issue. Now here we are, writing yet again. Somehow, it's the only way to close the chapter. Can you breathe easier knowing it got easier? and can you live again knowing I want you? This party is for you... Congratulations!

Reviews

[Sasha Karen]

I agree with you completely, people are fooled by people very often, but it all depends on the culture of people and the circle of communication, this can really be avoided