Girls I knew.

This is a terribly difficult piece. Names 'removed'.

 

 

In 1^st grade, S and I were part of a girl gang. We threatened to kiss the boys to keep them away from us.

M stole my best friend. I cried all lunch for a week, and then stopped talking to both of them.

 

In 2^nd grade, I went camping with H and we roasted marshmallows together and listened to her sister tell jokes we didn’t understand.

 

In 6^th grade I met K. She cursed and had the body of a woman. I couldn’t think of anyone more amazing.

 

In 7^th grade, M and K invited me to sit at their table. I never left.

 

In 8^th grade, I laughed with M at 3 am when her sister burned our cookies. We snuck into her room and ate the last of the baklava instead.

K told me that if I died, she didn’t think she could on. I glowed with importance.

I cried myself to sleep the night before graduation because I would never K, M, H or S again. We didn’t stop hugging for an hour. 

 

In 9^th grade, everyone said that S had slept with D. D denied it, but S told me it was true. I didn’t go back to her house.

 

In 10^th grade, I found out M did not plan to live to graduation. She showed me her scars and I could find no words. We went to bed silent.

 

In 11^th grade, H’s mom got breast cancer. The usage of marijuana in that house doubled.

My schoolwork and karate became too much. I stopped returning phone calls. I only heard about my best friends from the lips of acquaintances.  

 

In 12^th grade, I learned S was in Chicago, jumping trains and squatting in abandoned factories. I tried not to think about how she got money or food.

I learned that K had changed her name to Rain. She had dreads and sat outside the school talking about the things she drew when she was high. She was always high.

H failed all her classes fall term. She didn’t care.

 

Back in 8^th grade, A took a picture of us. We all sat around that round red table where we had shared a years worth of lunches and secrets, all smiles and arms around one another.

 

Of all the best friends in that photograph, I am the only one who has made it out of high school alive.