duffle bag boy

my first story

 

                                    Chapter 1 “Call Me Good”

                Yo what’s up my name is Thurgood or you can call me "Good". I'm an average city teenage I guess. Well anyway I'm going to tell you how I became a "duffle bag boy". Let me tell you a little about myself I'm Black around 5'10 160lbs brown skin cornrows. I live in the hood, my parents well they both smoke drugs you know the typical s**t. Now let’s start me start my story. I'm chilling with my home boy Jacob or "Jay" a white boy who lives by me he moved to the hood to live with his dad I think his moms had drug problems also. I start hanging with him because he was the first person who I ever seen cuss in front of their parents and get away with it I thought that was the coolest. That and plus he had like every genesis video game made. He pretty much got anything he wanted. So we just chilling on his porch smoking weed,"yea this some" he said to me.

"You got it from David?" I asked him, “you already know”, “He been hooking me up on the weight you know we grew up in the same county." "Yea I'm going to get an ounce from you to sell at school" "aright" he answered.

We usual played Madden after we finished smoking. That what we did almost everyday. The blunt is half way finished when a Lexus pulls up to the stop sign. Jacob lives on a corner on a back street that's the next street over from a busy street. So it's a lot of traffic that drives by his house. Well the Black lex pulls up playing some Jay-Z. Its David the guy every hood kid wanted to be had plenty money, girls and plenty drugs. He got family up north, so he takes a lot of trips to visit his family and for good reasons. It's a known fact that the prices were cheaper up north.

"Yo what’s up fellas he screamed from the clean lex."waddup" we yelled back. "Ay yo Good let me get some of all that money you got" he said playing with me , you know that made me feel good I had to smile. Only thing I could say was "you got all the money". He laughed and yelled " aright fellas" as he pulled off.

 "Man David needs to put me on" I Said to Jacob," just ask him" he replied. Now I'm the type of person who doesn’t like asking people for stuff. So I told Jacob " I don't know how to ask him that s**t".

Then all of a sudden someone yelled "Jay!" from two houses down, it was Koob. He was like six years older than us he still lived with his parents and been in the hood the longest as far as we knew. Oyea they say he crazy he was the type of person who can be your best friend one day and the next day be worst emeny. For some reason jay always says Koob doesn't like him maybe it’s true but you never can tell with Koob. His personality changes like the seasons.

"What's up" Jay yelled back "what yall doing" he asked "s**t just chilling" Jay responded.

 Then we went back smoking the rest of the blunt.

 

                                 Chapter 2 “School Dayz”

 

 10:15am Friday and I’m just getting up for high school. Yeah you heard right I’m just getting up I live two blocks from my high school, so I made up my own schedule. Lunch starts at 10:45am so I get up and go to school for all three lunches so I can see everybody then I leave afterwards. So I’m in school it’s a normal day at my school my school was just like the streets the halls was like the blocks in the hood. N****s posted up in the hall most of the day. Nobody came there to learn. I was in the 12^th grade and I kept new shoes so you can say I was the man at school, plus I had weed for sale. I use to get Jay to front me an ounce and I sold it at school just to buy new shoes. It was even a rumor that if I didn’t have any new shoes to wear to school I wouldn’t come to school. So I’m in the hall with my black and red air force ones we called them “Flavs” with my Atlanta falcons Mike Vick jersey on. Then my girl walked past her name was Brittany she was in the 10^th grade she had a chocolate complexion with a sexy thick body. She had a cute face, a phat butt, and nice breast. She was perfect to me.

 “o you can’t speak?” I asked her as she passed “nope” she replied. So I grabbed her he arm “what, stop playing with me” I told her as I pulled her closer,”I'm not playing, I just left third period and everybody talking about how u be all in their faces” she complained to me, “you know them b*****s be hating on our relationship” I explained to her. “Now come on I’m walking you to your class so everybody will know who’s my boo ok” “Whatever” she replied. We gets to Brittany’s class and I told her “yo be ready to leave with me after lunch” “ok” she responded.

During lunch I would walk around selling weed ,going from table to table flirting with all the girls that’s how u got so popular I would sit at anybody table and kick it with them even if they wasn’t consider cool I didn’t care that’s how I was I never acted like I was better than anybody else. Lunch was over and Brittany and I  started to walk to my house, she was looking so good  as usual she had on a tight white and tan roca wear shirt with a short khaki skirt on. I couldn’t wait to get her to my house. We finally got there and this was another reason I use to love her so much because her sex was skillful. One thing about us we use to make perfect love to each other we just knew exactly what each other wanted. So we was making love well really we were f*****g on my bed. She didn’t even take off her skirt I was on top of her. Now look I usually last for a while but she did this move where she grabbed my hips and did like this rotation move that made me cum from nowhere. Afterwards she left caught the bus and went to work. Me on the other hand I just rolled up a blunt , I had no job I smoked too much and was too lazy.    

 

 

                                            Chapter 3 “Koob’s Porch”

                Later on that day I went over Koob house to smoke and chill. See Koob’s porch was not like Jay’s porch. On Koob’s porch anybody could come over as long as they had a blunt to smoke. That day it was Koob, Omar  a skinny light completed guy with curly hair he lived next door to Koob he always was there and Mannie he lived across the street from Koob, he was like 40 something, big ,weighed about 275, dark skinned with a bald head he had lots of money like David probably more, he made all the crack money in our hood it was like every junkie in the hood went to his house to score and a lot of people didn’t like that including Koob, but you wouldn’t know that intill Mannie wasn’t around, because while he was around Koob acted like his best friend. We was smoking Omar was telling jokes he kept of laughing. Remember I said that anybody could come over Koob house? I think every street n***a in the southside of Richmond been over there atleast once, well that day a dude name Barry pulled up and came over and chilled with us. Barry was short light completed with waves he knew Koob from their childhood he started getting money and now he stayed driving a rental car that day he was in a gold Avalon.

“What’s up Koob” he said getting out his car you can hear Jay-z’s Dynasty album playing as he opened the door.

“Yoo” Koob responded. Barry stepped on the smoke filled porch and gave everyone a five. He started to roll a blunt of his own, but his blunt contain the prodigious purple haze. Purple haze was like the steaks of weed it was the best and cost the most. The blunt he rolled was no thicker than a straw, but that was enough to get all us high. We was all sitting around high as the moon. Barry’s  phone ranged and he pulled out the latest phone Said a couple oks I got yous and then hung up.

“I got to go fellas” he said to us as he departed.

As soon as he left Koob Start changing “I don’t know why he be bringing his hot a*s over here” he said with a livid attitude.”That n***a getting money did you see that phone?” I asked. “Man them n****s need to stop coming around here, if anybody going to get this spot hot it’s going to be me” Koob added as soon as I finished my sentence. At that point every ones high was coming down so everybody started to leave. I gave Koob a five and left. On my way home I stopped by Jay’s house and played some madden. I beat him 2 out of 3 times then I took my a*s in the house. Later that night I was in the house in my room with a blunt rolled up, my music was playing it was some Jadakiss. I was just chilling and bagging up an ounce for school. It was the weekend but I kept everything bagged up in case anybody from around the way needed some smoke real quick. See Jay didn’t like to serve everybody. So everybody he didn’t serve I did. I think he was scared to serve everybody because he was white and always thought somebody was going to rob him.

 

                                   Chapter 4 “New comers”

That summer I finally graduated and the hood got wilder. See the only ones in the hood that was making any money for real was Jay and Mannie. When nobody else is getting any money that means nobody else is happy and when nobody else is happy the violence amplifies. Every once and a while Koob would get into it with Mannie for some reason who knows what, it never took much to send Koob into one of his irate episodes. I forgot to mention that Koob possessed an AK-47 that was a part of the reason he acted crazy. The AK-47 he had wasn’t even his Barry had let him hold it for him and when he did that he created a monster. So every time Koob and Mannie would get into it Koob would go into his backyard and shoot off the AK in the air. When he shot that s**t everybody heard it. I swear it sounded like we had a war in our backyard literally. A lot of new people moved in our hood that summer a family across the street from Jay it was a mother and she had three grown children a daughter and two sons. One of the sons the youngest one “Linton” had a son of his own and a baby mother that lived with them too. We never trusted them everybody swore they was in the witness protection program or something because Linton told us he lived in Cali, New York, Florida and Charlottesville, Virginia before moving here. That was quite strange to us. Also this white chick moved in front of Omar’s house, she had her boyfriend Lamont who drove a green Cadillac living with her. Then this fat guy from New York moved down the street his name was Paul we called him “Pun” because he looked like the rapper Big Pun. Koob didn’t like none of these new people, well Koob didn’t like anybody for real. The thing abou the family that moved in front of Jay they kept a lot of females over there. The Daughter Denise had lots of friends that came over and would sit on their porch just to be seen.

 

                           Chapter 5 “Money”

That Fall I went to a career learning school. The reason I went was because I had no job and I found out that since my dad got hurt in Vietnam I would receive a benefit for going to school. So I got $700 a month just for going to school, I had to take advantage of that. The next year and a half was pretty much boring. I got money every month and smoked every day. Jay kept getting money selling weed to all his white buddies who paid top dollar for some pot. David kept getting money, having kids and supplying Jay with the weight. Mannie kept getting money from all the crack he was selling in the hood. Koob kept not getting money and kept getting mad at everybody who did. When I completed school I received a lump sum of money for my back pay it was like $2,500. I used half that and bought a car.

 

 

                    Chapter 6 “Business partner”

Later that year one of my home boys bothers got out of prison his name was Klyde a tall guy with cornrow he even still had his jail glasses on so looked like a tall grown a*s nerd. About 4 years ago Klyde ran a crack house similar to Mannie’s operation, but Klyde’s crack house was in church hill. Church hill was in the eastern part of Richmond, Va, remember I’m in the southside of Richmond I’m hoping yall are keeping up. Well anyway Klyde had got locked up after about 4 months of running that crack house. He had every crack smoker in church hill coming to his house. In the morning he would have a line at his front door that was comparable to a line at a theme park. After 4 months of that it is easy to see how he would get hot and the police would kick in his door. 4 years late he’s home. He was home about 6 months and then we started having conversations like this

“man I remember when you was getting money “ t would say to him,”I know me too I loved that money” I’m ready to get back at it f**k this job s**t” he would respond. “well I’m ready to get that real money, you know David got the work too, lets put some money up and get some” I said “o.k” he responded. Since I had like a $1,000 left from my school money I was ready it took him like two weeks to get up his half.

“So what are we going to get?” I asked him. I didn’t really know about crack and its prices I sold weed.” See how much an ounce would cost” he said “o.k” I responded. I asked David and he said $900, but I told Klyde $1,000, you know me I got get my money from every angle. He added his $500 to my $400 and we got the ounce we each had a half of ounce. Klyde sold his much quicker his moms smoked crack and she knew every other crack head in the neighborhood that’s how he got so much money 4 years ago. Now he was back at it but now he was in fulton a neighborhood in the eastern part of Richmond. After he sold his half so quick I ended up selling him a quarter of mines which is half of a half for $250. I sold my other quarter by breaking it down I made around $600 off it. That’s how we did it I had the connect we would put up I’ll charge him a little extra for his half and end up selling most of mines to him cuz he sold his so quick. I was finally getting some money I was driving around the hood with my loud music playing it was mostly T.I. Before you knew it we were putting up on bricks. I was getting them from David. I became his favorite customer. Around this time I was making so much money he was fronting me pounds of the wee. See I was still selling weed most people thought that was where I got my money from because I have been selling weed for the longest. Every two weeks David would bring me a duffle bag with like 5 pounds of weed and one kilo of crack. He charged me $20,000 for it Klyde and I put up on it. I told him that David was charging us $25,000. So I was getting a half of bird for $7,500. The weed he was fronting me I had to pay him $5,000 for five pounds. So I’m getting real money now, riding around the city like a superstar. I mean I had the same things that the rappers had and was doing what they were rapping about. Kylde and I was taking trips to Vegas, Alantic City, Miami, everywhere.

 

                       Chapter 8 “Rude guests”

Meanwhile on Klyde’s end his crack house turned out pretty profitable. Intill he got robbed. He came to my house and let me know what happened

“yo Good I got robbed last night” he said to me “what happened?”I asked. He went on to tell me he went to answer the door expecting a customer but instead it was two n****s with shotguns they went to his back room and took all his crack he had in his room and demanded him to give them all the money he had.

 “How much they get you for?” I asked him “mane I had like like four ounces of crack and twenty five hundred dollars in my pockets” he told me. See Klyde was a felon and couldn’t own a gunso he didn’t have nothing to protect himself. On the other hand I wasn’t a felon and I stayed strapped up. With Klyde little run in with the really rude guests. I thought I should invest in some protecton. I went to the gun shows and gun stores. Over the next couple months I purchased an ak47, shotgun, and another pistol a ruger. Being a real n***a that I am I would spend the night over Klyde’s house with my shotgun every once and a while just incase the rude guests came back

 

 

                 Chapter 9 “Ride out”

I’m back in the hood on Jay’s porch “whats up Jay” “whats up Good” “s**t just chilling”.We start smoking as usual and across the street Mannie was chilling with Linton. They lived next door from each other so in the last couple months they have gotten close.

 “Ay yo Good the hood is changing so much all these new m***********s” “I know righ” I responded to Jacob as I choked on the potent weed we were smoking. “Ay I got to go get some dog food for my dogs are you trying to ride?” Jacob asked.”Yea I need some for my dogs too”. We both had pit bulls in our back yards they make good watch dogs. I think Klyde should invest in one. We left we hopped in Jacob’s black charcoal acura he had dark tinted windows that was so dark that they were illeagal, he also had 24” rims with the loudest music system in our hood with a touch screen dvd player also. Riding with him was a pleasure. I’ll just chill,ride and smoke intill we got to pets mart which was about 20 minutes from our houses.

Author's Note

be honest

Reviews

[Simone]

Hmm, this is a very interesting story.
First, to get it out of the way, here are the errors that I found:
Your general formatting may be easier to read if it is correctly spaced.
I would advise going over your grammar and spelling as I saw several errors while reading that I'm sure a simple proof reading will eliminate.
One more thing is work a little on the 'show not tell' rule of writers, though for this style of writing, telling could work quite well.
Some parts could be more detailed.

To be honest, this story has major potential- it just needs to be polished. (I would know about that as my first drafts of my work � to put it lightly- suck. And several drafts can improve an already good story, tenfold.)
You have a unique writing voice and wonderful characterization skills and with a little work to this, it could become a truly wonderful story! You say this is your first? Well, I commend you for this brilliant attempt and urge you to continue writing.
You captured the lingo and accents very well as well.
You said that you wished for the reviewer to be honest and so I was, if I offended you in any way, I apologize as this was not my intention.

If you ever fix these few problems be sure to contact me as I would truly love to read a revised version of this great tale.

Hope to see more of your work soon!

[deeps]

Oh My! This is quite the interesting read! I like it though. I thought it was written so wonderful. I like this alot I thought the writing style was brillant. WOnderful detail and vivid imagery. It was suspenseful enjoyed it.