Storm Dreams

Come with me and waist the day
Unpour your mind as the heavens give way

My tin roof pops and the ground travels in
while the ocean emits its merciless grin

The gulls far away from this scenic view
from shelter will appear since their harvest is due

Its funny when you think of a gentle pouring rain
as it dances around quietly on the stem of your brain
Is the same that attacks and breaks the barge's back
as man subtracts what he lacks with his pencil and axe.

He rebuilds his home to be torn down again
with no one to accuse of what man would call sin
For she is the wind God's maiden and queen
she puts you to sleep then enters your dreams
Where you are the captain on a small sailing ship
and faith she demands to survive this small trip

You wake soaking wet and are tense in your neck
as once again your saved from certain ship wreck
You say a few words to your powers that be
and take with you lessons you learned in your dream

Dawn has finally broke and all is tossed about
as you see first hand why the heavens did shout
As the sun takes its rise and you see your childs eyes
and you ponder the weight and the depth of the skies

You remember the storm and its repetitive path
and you wait for the next time this town needs its bath.

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

A great write and lovely rhythm. You capture the fear a parent has for its child against those things we cannot control poignantly.

Small errata in first line waist---waste?

[ClickClickTap]

This stanza is my favorite:
Its funny when you think of a gentel pouring rain
as it dances around quietly on the stem of your brain
Is the same that attacks and breaks the barge's back
as man subtracts what he lacks with his pencil and axe.
I am fascinated by the power of water; seemingly powerless and infinitely mutable yet powerful and persistent enough to destroy stone and steel and in your poem a barge.
And my favorite line in the poem is contained in this stanza too: as man subtracts what he lacks with his pencil and axe. How very poignant and true and self-destructive.
I am also filled with a sense of contemplation with the lines:
As the sun takes its rise and you see your childs eyes
and you ponder the weight and the depth of the skies

You remeber the storm and its repetitive path
and you wait for the next time this town needs its bath.

"The weight and depth of the skies" is something I may not have pondered before looking into my own child's eyes but certainly do now.
The foreshadowing of the next storm, due to its repetitive path, and "this town needs its bath" is a beautiful way to end the poem and leave us wanting more.

[Young Left Hand]

Thanks for the kind words and taking the time to read it.

[Wolfwind]

A beauitful flow of poetry! I much enjoyed the epic vista that this created in my minds imagination.

A few spelling errors...
line 5 "scenic"
line 7 "gentle"
line 17 "tense"
line 25 "remember"

Other than the spelling, this weave of ink was wonderfully put together! Great Poetry!

Aaron - Wolfwind

[Young Left Hand]

Thanks WWW for the nice words and the editing. I will make those changes. Sometimes spell chick is a good idea. ;)