Three Stars

A Poem by Lola

The ones who keep me brighter than I ever thought.

F**k you
And your words
That twist my mood
Like a waterfall
Pulling me down

Depressing me
Into constant rivers
Shouting the crash
Awaiting the fall

Its funny how a word
A phrase
A sentence
Can pull someone down
harder
Than an anchor
Pulling down
Settling
The Titanic

Like the iceberg that sunk The Titanic
Who said it had to be so perfect?
Why did it have to act like it was undefeatable? Like it can't crash down? Like its so damn perfect and grand? Hit by something so cold and lifeless it failed to represent that title.

Am I The living remains
Of the Titanic?
I hold millions of hopes and dreams
In shapes of invisible
Residents
Within me
Waiting to be pursuin
Reality hurt
Kill all that is
Within me
With
Syllables.

Syllables
Vowels
Sounds
Put together
A word
Shaped
Into hearts and daggers
Those exact words.
were a sharp bloody dagger
That ripped through my face
and stripped away the light
That was desperately trying to shine

Its weird
how
Those syllables
That mark a vowel
Make a sound
Forms those words
Rips through the candle that lights the only flame on my face
and licks it out with the inverse of its damp fingertips

I can't stand these people
I want to be alone
Why am i surrounded with people i convince are my friends?
I'm always blank
Blank like the night sky is with no stars.
Only darkness.
I am lost without my stars.
And erased with the noise of the city under me.

I need my stars.
I need them.
They are the only one that'll light me up
When i'm on the verge
Of losing
Even the darkness
That provides
Some sort of dull fake light

Build me up
Make me pretty
Fake it me you make me.
Don't cry
Your mascara'll run.
Don't frown,
Your face runs depression.

But who will ever know
The craving of ripped skinned
And dripping blood
Pain
Starvation
Self destruction
The fear of what i might do.
Of what i deserve.

I need my stars to blind
Destruction
off my body
Blind them with their light.
Hushing the darkness to sleep.
Illuminating my darkest fantasies
That manifest me
Every hollow
And ever night

Who knew
3 stars
Keep me up
Brighter
Than the sun ever
Will favor me.