Virgin Little Heart

Mesmerized,
Taken in by his charm
Little by little,
Attaching me apart

My virgin little heart,
Never been scorned.
Never been touched.
Whispering sweet things in its ears.
It felt
Nice and tingly and weird.
Eyes wide as his words.
Giggles, shy smiles and shaking nonsenses under the head of the shower with my wet hair sticking on my cheeks as i brush it away with my ignorance.

Thoughts of foolishness,
I shake it away.
Where I stand,
Naked.

The way he talked, I hate it.
The way he makes fun of things, I hate it.
The way he bashes my family and acts like I won't mind, I hate it.
His honesty, I hate it.
His comforting words, I hate it.
His smooth talk, I hate it.
I hate it all,
Him.
So much.
That I don't.
Not one bit.
Not an utter.

I thought I was over it,
Until that day.
Parked up in the drive way.
Snatched my tiny heart like an eagle Catching its prey and flying away.
Out of my chest, he caught it and flew way too high.
Too high that i couldn't fly over it.
I'm not over it.
His face, his hair, his glance
Why doesn't it ever go away?

Does he ever notice me?
Or am i forever just his best friend's sister?
Uninteresting and boring in solitude
Of the 10 year old self i used to be.

"You're fun," he said.
"Its not you. I don't know what i was thinking."
So all of this was a mistake?
Talking to me and getting to know me?
You broke my heart and it wasn't even yours.
Or was it my sanity that you broke?
Damn you and your thinking.

A side of me never revealed,
Kept it sealed.
Unlocked,
From the depths of my sheaths.
Until he unlocked it with the key of his unruly charm.

I was there. I'm always there.
Thats the best i could do, be there.
He told me it was okay to be the one to start, the one to talk.
I'm not quite good with words, I never was.
But he was, he always was.
Practice on him, he begged.
So I did, and in his words I found comfort.

I told you it would never work.
My brother's best friend.
He could never take me seriously.
Since when has talking become a crime?
"I can't keep this from him, he's like a brother to me. You're like my sister."
A sister? Is that all I ever was? All i ever will be?
After all the come overs, talk to me, and you always look good don't be insecure babe.

After all the talk my virgin heart heard and secretly admired.
Tinged a bit brighter after hearing.
Taken away.
Lies, or truth?

Would you have done this if you hadn't thought anything would happen?
I hate you. I hate your ignorance. Your stupidity.
"Darling are you okay?"
Don't call me darling, i'm f*cking okay. Never been better.

Its hurts but i'm not going to fight you.
I'm not going to waste my delicate thoughts and words over this.
You're nothing to me, worthless.
Like the boogers on my nose,
you fall and I wipe you off disgustingly.

"Guys are different"
If they are, why did you lead me on in the first place?
Nothing barely happened.
We were nothing and we turned into even deeper nothings.

Made me feel wanted and
Walk all over my feeling of security and love,
On the parts of my virgin heart
That wasn't even yours.
Not a virgin, and not a s**t,
Yet.

Leaving the odium of red on my lips, Your bloody vanish.
Goodbye and good luck.