Leave The Door Open Pt. 1

No ones the truth, no one understands, all i have myself. And my demons.

"Good morning sunshine! 

The sun reflects off your beautiful face so wonderfully this morning" 

Mom says with a slight wave of her hand on my messy head and walks abruptly out of my room, leaving the door open. 

I guess one can't have any privacy anymore when people think they've gone out of it.

I wake up. Its another day. 

Another f*cking day of living. 

Where am I? I thought i'd been dead already? Died trying to be alive.

I gaze at the rays of glow gasping out of the sheer curtains of my bedroom window,

 Just another one of life's natural attention wh*res, i think. 

First, being all the sl*ts I once called friends. 

Life is one big attention w***e. A scam. Thats what it is. 

With all its problems, deaths, and tears. Seriously thinking it can trick me into giving it any. 

I barely give myself any. Wants me to be scared when it faces me with lightning, afraid to be struck. Thunder that rambles the tiniest of hearts and rain that never will really dampen me.

I take slow counting steps on the cold floor to the bathroom. 

Wondering if they will be my last. After all, i am capable of anything.

I face the sink and look straight above it, where the mirror is supposed to be. All there is is shattered glass where the mirror was once whole and complete, 

the words FAT UGLY WORTHLESS NOTHING, inscribed on the little cryptic broken pieces that once held the looking glass together. 

I look at myself in millions, my nose one place, my mouth another. Once whole and complete.

The words cover my deteriorated mini reflections, I start to feel it again. 

Leave the tap open, Waiting for it to heat up.

 The burn excites me, really.

I cup water and splash it against my bare face.

 It burns, i like the burn. I like the pain. I like the idea of somehow burning my pale face, giving it some sort of color. 

Grab my toothbrush, smells like s**t. 

Too many trips down my throat i guess. 

I uncap the bottle of bleach hid behind the toilet, apply a bit of tooth paste and dip the brush in it. An old trick, 

1) to cleanse and whiten 2) for any chance of burning my insides and gums, probably so i can no longer taste food, probably not. 

I tie my hair real high, as high as I can keep it. So it doesn't interfere in the way of anything I do.

(((part 1)))