prologue

    She opened her bedroom door to find herself standing face-to-face with "Him". Her instinct was to run,but there was no where to run to. She silently prayed he would turn and continue back down the hall to his rooms.

        "Hey baby."He said,whiskey present on his breath. "I missed you last night,maybe you can make up for it tonight."

        "Oh hell no,not tonight." she thought. She made a quick dash for the space between him and the door but he was to fast.He was there before her and grabbed her by her wrists.

        She gasped in pain and tried to squirm free. "Not happening sweet heart.You know I'll never let you go."He dragged her by her wrists to his rooms and let her go at the same time that he kicked her legs out from under her. She collapsed to the ground in a crumpled heap.

        "Oh,baby,come on. I just want to have some fun."He slurred in her ear.She wouldn't let him get that close,not tonight,not again. He came at her and she kicked her leg out. It connected with his calf,but did little to stop the monster of a man.

        "uh oh.Somebody's being bad."He slurred,close enough now for her to notice the baseball bat in his hand.She tried to roll out of the way, but wasn't fast enough. The bat made contact with her lower chest,cracking at least one rib.

        She tried to move out of the way again but the pain from her chest made it impossible.This time the bat came down over her head.

        As the world was spinning and starting to go black,the only thing she could hope was that James had gotten the text she had sent earlier.

 

Author's Note

hope you like it.

Reviews

[C. Rose]

Instead of "cracking at least one rib" - consider describing the pain, the sound, the sickening feeling of parts out of place.

Things I don't know after reading the prologue that I wish I did:
Her name
Her age (pretten, teen, adult)
What the bedroom looks like. Is it small, fancy, does it smell dusty or like cleaner, is there a book shelf or a pile of dirty laundry in the corner, is there a toy chest or a desk cluttered with make up. Answering some of these questions will ground the reader in the scene as well as give clues to the main character's age.

You start of with a very intense scene. I am interested to see where you go from here.

Keep writing :D

[Kevin Dean]

I like it. It hits hard and with a message that is important to world unity. I feel it could have given your lead a name but it's very good. Perhaps that was a personal choice for darker effect? Great.