God, I want to believe.

Trigger warning: this talks about losing hope in believing God. This topic may be sensitive because of it. And there's a little gore. Still a beginner, me, so please tell me what I need to do

Oh, my God.

My God.

God, I wanted to believe in your presence.

God, I wanted an excuse to escape the relentless brutality of reality. The Truth constantly tears the insides of my flesh; mercilessly gnawing at a languid pace�" appreciating every inch of its teeth dragging, puncturing in the exposed�" to force me to acknowledge its existence.

God, I wanted you to tear my attention away from the illusionary cannibalist; shine your light far from it, capture my fascination, and caress my face with your promised gentle hands.

God, please comfort me; reassure me that I am not alone with the Monster.

God, I call out to your name, out of hope, that maybe I can grasp a hand for warmth instead of my own.

My God, I call out to your name so many times, again, and again, and again.

God, please, I call, and I call, and I call, and not one ever responded; the doubt of your absoluteness growing each second your quiet answer was filled with the consumption of the brutal certainty.

Am I not worth a single glance? Am I only crying out to the void?

God, I wanted to believe in you, but your name felt so hollow when my mouth desperately sang for your comfort, giving me the thought that maybe calling out to you was a duty�" a fear�" not voluntary.

God, your name held a heavy meaning, yet it feels so empty; it slips out of my lips, carrying no significance to deliver the message into the sea. It only rolls down when I utter your name. It's proof of existence mutely disappearing like ash in the breeze. It doesn't soar through the sky.

Had the Monster eaten all of what was left inside of me that I no longer have what was necessary to fill your name?

God, I wanted to believe you. But all of my cries for your presence were in vain; your silence to my question was filled by the quiet chewing of the Monster's mouth, its never-ending hunger that is impossible to pacify.

Was the Monster your reply, God?

Were you the one devouring what I once was all this time, God?