Chapter XI

                           CHAPTER XI

          Jenny’s health persisted on deteriorating as the months passed, she’s losing more weight, paler than usual, and she throws up more often, but like always, she tried to survive it. She needs more help now too than she used to. Sometimes, she gets so weak and can hardly stand up. It’s painful to watch her. It breaks my heart every time I see her in one of this situation. Mornings are a little easier for her, but towards later in the day she gets tired easily and get very weak. Dr. Martin tends to her more often than normal too. She still goes to the hospital for regular check up and treatment. Me, I cut down on work a lot. I work mostly on the phone, and I come to work only if there’s an important board meeting. A week ago, it was on Wednesday, 11 of May, Dr. Martin had a long talked with me. He told me that her days are numbered, few more months. He told me to get ready for it. How can I ever get ready for something like this? I cried in my sleep almost every night. I don’t know how to let go of her.

      Graduation is fast approaching. I can’t believe it, she is graduating despite all the odds, and not only that, she still got the highest grade point average in the entire graduating class. She’s a very smart person and that is not a joke. I started getting busy with her graduation party, she has no idea I’m giving her a big party. Mike and I were in cahoots with this one. On top of that, the three of us, Mike, Andrea, and me planned a huge birthday bash for her birthday. We planned the party at home. Her birthday is not that far. Next month, she’ll turn 22.  Wednesday night of May 17, Jenny was in her room trying to make her speech when I came in. I sat next to her and just watched her writes. She’d asked me once in awhile what to say. When I noticed she had a small break, I took her frail hands and just kissed it. She smiled, “thank you, what’s that for?” she asked, looking at me weird.

“Nothing, I’m just so proud of you.”

“Hmm… at last, I conquered this one.” She smiled again.

“You did, with flying colors I might add. Are you happy? Thought I’d asked that question, because I know I am.”

She winked at me and gave me the cutest look, “I am…, I’m proud of myself for not giving up on this, on life, even though, believed me there were times I thought about it. But, I always go against it, because of you.”

“Of me, what do you mean?” Personally, I didn’t get it.

She took my hands, kissed it, “Because you never give up on me.” Her eyes gathered up some tears around it. “You’re always there for me, it doesn’t matter if I’m feeling good or not. You gave me the world… even though my world is little; you filled them up with everlasting joy.” I was about to interrupt her but she put her hand on my mouth, stared at me sincerely, “Sshs, I just want to thank you; you don’t know how much I owe you. I’m sorry if ever I let you down, or if ever I had done something you didn’t like, or didn’t agree. I am very blessed to have you. You were never just my brother; you’re my mother, my father, and best of all, my best friend. I saw the work of God through you.” She hugged me tight and her tears escaped her eyes. I returned her hugs, I didn’t say a word I didn’t know how to answer that. She pulled herself back, wiped her tears then smiled.

          Jenny stopped writing completely and decided to give me all the attention. We talked a lot, we reminisced about the past. We laughed and giggled. Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. The door was open; I looked up to see who was knocking. Alice was standing in front of the door. I was shocked, and so as Jenny, to see her there, I stuttered when I spoke, “A… A. Alice, come in.”

Alice walked in, “Please, let me speak before you say anything.”

I nodded, and just looked at her waiting to hear what she’s about to say. Jenny didn’t say a word either. She got up, and was about to leave us alone, but Alice stopped her, “This is for you too, Jen. Your sight is back I’m happy for you.” Jenny sat back down.

Alice took a deep breath, “I had done a lot of thinking and realized how much of a fool I was. I like to come home, if you still want me. I finally come into terms with myself, and agree that I was being stupid, and all I was thinking is about me, me and me. I confessed I didn’t have any feelings for you when we had that bet. No, that’s not entirely true; I had a crush on you. I like the idea of a well-grounded man, and you are much-grounded person. They dared me that I couldn’t make you fall for me. I was stupid enough to go for it. I didn’t use my heart; I used my head and pride.” I didn’t say anything I waited for her to tell me more. “The last few days I’d been gone, I realized that I do love you, and I can’t live my life without you in it. I hope you still have that same feeling for me. Please, let me proved myself to you one last time, if you just give me a chance to do it.” I looked her right in the eyes, I could see that she’s sincere enough, and besides, I do love her dearly. “I forgive you; I love you the same today, as I did yesterday.” I smiled at her just enough to let her know, I gave her a second chance.

“Thank you very much for giving me a chance to love you. I promised this won’t happen again.” She gave me a hug and a passionate kiss. When she finished, she pulled herself away from me, and turned to Jenny.

“I am really sorry for saying all those things, I am rotten and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I want to make it up to you if you let me. I had no right to say all those rotten words I said, believed me, my parents, my best friend, and the other people that are close to me condemned me for saying those words. They told me, they would forgive me, only if you forgive me. But that’s no excuse, I really hurt your feelings, and I want to make it up to you.” Jenny was quiet and didn’t say a word. She looked at me, and then she turned her head back to Alice. Alice looked down.

“Please, give me another chance.” Alice begged.

Jenny smiled faintly, “I forgive you long time ago. I was hurt, yes, but I was more hurt to see Matt went through that. Since Matt is giving you another chance, I’ll do what ever makes him happy. That’s all I care. Welcome back.” Alice gave Jenny a long hug. Jenny returned her hug, but she was more reserved, and I think so was I, I may love her but my attitude towards her is somewhat changed. Jenny pulled away from Alice. Alice smiled at her and she smiled back. We talked a little, Alice told us about her little adventure in the Caribbean. “She went all the way there to think?” I thought to myself. Beth, Alice, and the gang, went there last month during Easter week, and they stayed for two weeks. Alice left the house last march 18, so she was gone about two months, and how many days from us. Things had changed from that time on. I was happy that Alice came back but I was not motivated to celebrate about it. I mean my heart wasn’t really jumping for joy. Maybe because the wound got scarred or maybe because I’m so preoccupied by Jenny, that it wasn’t such a big deal that she’s back.

          Jenny was getting pretty tired so she asked if Alice could finish the story tomorrow. Alice smiled, looked at her watch, “Oh, yeah, it’s pretty late, I’m sorry. You need a rest, you have school tomorrow.” She turned to me, “Matt, do you need help with Jenny?”

“It’s fine, I’ll tuck her in, you go on ahead to our room, and I’ll be in a few.”

Jenny got up, and went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she was on her pajama already, and she just needed to brush her teeth. When she came back, Alice was waiting for her to say goodnight.

“Goodnight, Jenny. I hope you have a good sleep,” giving her a hug at the same time.

“Goodnight Alice,” Alice left the room as soon as Jenny climbed in bed. I pulled up the sheet and blanket and covered her. I stayed with her and we talked a bit. “Are you happy she’s back?” Asked Jenny quietly, “I don’t mean to ask, but I noticed that you weren’t too enthused about it.”

“Believed me Jenny, I felt it to,” I said almost whispering, “I’m happy, yet my heart was not motivated to celebrate. I do love her dearly and she’s right, I still love her but I had to admit, there’s some restraint to it. You too I noticed you’re a little reserved?”

“I was just being cautious, I don’t want to see you go through that again, and I wasn’t lying about what I told her either, I was more hurt seeing you sad. You may think you did well of not showing it but I know how much you hurt.”

We talked a little more until Jenny started drifting. She gave me a kiss goodnight. I hugged her and kissed her goodnight. I turned the light off as I closed the door behind me.

        I remained standing outside Jenny’s door, while I tried to gather up some strength to go in our room. It’s been a while since I last sleep in my room. I’d been sleeping in Jenny’s room for past two months. The only time I went in my room was during morning I shower and change clothes, or I need to get something. I was dragging my feet as I walked to our bedroom. When I reached the door, I stopped. I rubbed my face with both hands, I took a deep breath, and I let it out slowly. I was nervous to get in. I finally opened the door and walked in slowly. Alice was already in bed, but she’s still awake. She’s reading a book while waiting for me. I closed the door behind me and walked toward her.

She stopped reading and look at me, “Is Jenny sleep?” She said trying to be friendly.

“Yes, she gets tired easily now a days.”

I climbed in bed, and laid my head down. I lay on my back stretching my body full length and I put my hands under my head and just stared blankly at the ceiling as she talked. She’s in a talkative mood. Alice got up and scooted closer to me.

“Jenny really changed a lot, didn’t she? She lost a lot of weight, and her face is gaunter, and she doesn’t seem to have energy.”

“Jenny doesn’t have much to live,” my voice sounded like there’s a frog in my throat. “Dr. Martin sat me down a week ago and told me the truth about her condition. She has probably two to three months at the most.” My eyes was brewing, I tried fighting it. “He didn’t tell Jenny, but I know Jenny can feel it. It looks like your wish came sooner than I expected.”

“I’m very sorry…” She paused, “You looked burnt out, and you also lost weight.”

“I haven’t been sleeping much. I’d been crying almost every night. Dr. Martin told me to prepare my self for this, but how am I suppose to do it.” After I said that my tears dropped, and I lost it. Alice hugged me and tried to comfort me. She cried with me. I didn’t move, nor tried to return her hug.

“I’m sorry Matt; I should have been here helping you. I blame myself for this. I wasn’t a very good wife to you or a sister in law to Jenny. I let my stubbornness, and my pride over took me.”

I wiped my tears dry. I turned my body facing my back towards Alice, then I pulled the blanket up as I said goodnight to her. She took the hint and moved back, she lay back down on her side of the bed. A few seconds later, she turned the light off. I lay on my side quietly eyes wide open.

         Friday night while I was helping Jenny in bed, I popped the question to her, “Do you care go to sailing with me, just me and you for two days.” “Shoot, it’s a date,” replied Jenny with delight on her voice. Before I left her room, I packed some of her clothes, toothbrush, and her medicines in a bag. When I finished, I went to my room and started packing also. Alice who just came out from the bathroom asked what I was doing. “I’m packing some clothes for tomorrow. I’m taking Jenny sailing for two days. We’ll be sleeping in the boat. I’m sorry if I forgot to tell you in advanced, I didn’t know you were coming home this week.” I continued packing.

“That’s fine. Can I come?” asked Alice, feeling a little uncomfortable.

“I told Jenny that it will be just me, and her, maybe next time?”

I left the room and went to the bathroom to get an extra toothbrush, and toothpaste.

Alice didn’t like my answer but she tried to be friendly, “Oh, okay. Maybe next time I guess it’s good that I’m not going because mom is coming here tomorrow, she told me on the phone that she’s dropping by.”

When I finished packing, I went back to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and changed to my pajama. I climbed in bed and said goodnight to Alice. Before Alice get to say something, I told her that I’m getting up early so I need to get some sleep.

         We left early Saturday morning; Andrea helped Jenny get ready while I load the suburban. Andrea also packed us some food for two days. All I need to do is nuke it in microwave. Right after we finished breakfast, we hit the road. When we reached the marina, the sun just started peeking. The reflection of the sun in the water was a beautiful sight. I helped Jenny climbed in the boat. She sat down and watched the beautiful sunrise, while I untie the boat. I got the boat ready yesterday while Jenny was at school. I top off the tank and check everything to make sure everything in place. Likewise, I filled up the two extra gas tanks just in case we are stuck somewhere.

        When the boat started moving, Jenny got up and walked up to me. She sat next to me. I asked if she’s feeling okay, she nodded her head yes. “This is it Jen, we are going to the open water and just let the wind blow us where ever. Remember when you were just five years old, you asked me if I would take you with me?” “Yes, you said it would just be you, and I, and the wind. I wonder where the wind is going to take us today.” She looked at me and smiled. I used the motor down to the no wake Zone, the marina had at least 100 feet of no wake zone. I started to raise the sail. The wind was perfect for sailing. We kicked off to a good start. I felt a renewed spirit in me. I felt alive. I was happy, and I couldn’t help but screamed it out loud, “woo… ooh...” I turned my head toward Jenny, she has that grin on her face, and it made me happier. I grabbed her hand and pulled her up. She climbed on the seat and stand up; she put her arms around me. “Yea… ay,” screamed Jenny. I laughed she laughed. I gave her a kiss on her forehead.

         The weather was perfect; we were going as fast as 10 to 15 miles an hour. I thank God for it. Through out the day, we didn’t have a single problem, the wind was faithful, and it didn’t die on us, in the afternoon Jenny got very tired, she went inside the cabin and took a nap. The wind slowed down late in the afternoon, the sail was going about 5 miles an hour or so. I was by myself for a few hours. I enjoyed the peace, the silence. Occasionally, I would pick up the binocular Mr. Andrews gave me, to check what’s up ahead. I glanced at my watch for time, the sun was setting, and it was a beautiful sight. It seemed like I could touch the sun from here. Too bad Jenny was still sleeping. I played with the navigational system and looked for a good place to tie up and rest for the night. We ended up somewhere in Victoria by nightfall. Before the sun lost its light, I looked for a good place to park for the night. Jenny finally woke up from a long sleep. I lowered the sail, and used the motor to get to the shore; Jenny helped me with the motor, while I grabbed the tree. I tied the boat to a tree that was over hanging. Moreover, just in case I dropped the anchor. When I knew the boat was secured I asked Jenny to kill the engine. We went inside the cabin. I made us some supper, though Jenny didn’t feel like eating because her stomach was feeling nauseous, she grabbed some of the food I prepared and took a couple of bites, just so she wont threw up when I give her the medicine. We played card game before we went to sleep, Jenny was feeling a little sick and she can’t sleep. I talked to her about this trip.

“Jenny, precious, are you enjoying this trip?” I asked curiously.

She smiled, “tremendously, tremendous. How about you, are you having fun?” she returned my question.

“Stupendously, stupendous, I never enjoy myself more than I am right now.”

I smiled back as I gave her the same remark.I put down my cards and just admired her beautiful smiles. I grabbed her close to me and just hugged her so tight she couldn’t breath. “I love you so much... please, don’t leave me. I can’t afford it.”  She returned my hug, just as tight. “I love you too Matt, very much, but I can’t grant your plea. You just have to live without me.”  She started crying on my shoulder and so did I. I literally cried, I was sobbing. I didn’t let go of her, I hugged her even tighter yet. “How do you supposed, I do that.... You’re all I have, dad left me, mom left me, and you, you’re leaving me.... You promised, you won’t leave me, remember?”

“Yeah… but... that was when I was young, and I didn’t know I’ll get sick and die early on you. I’m sorry… if I only knew… I wouldn’t make that promise. But, you have Alice now.”

“It’s not the same, she’s not you… it’s not fair... it’s not fair… Jenny… it’s not… hum… mmm.”

We cried, and cried… I, I cried, and cried. I was like a little lost boy in the sight of Jenny. I was down on my knees, begging. Jenny followed me down; she was also on her knees crying with me.

           That night must have been the longest night for me. The longest cry I ever had, and the longest hug I ever had. I felt like melting Jenny in my arms so I could have her inside me, not just her memory. The biggest love and the biggest part of my life is leaving me. She’s my most loved one, second only to God. I cried until I couldn’t cry no more. So did Jenny. I needed that, I’d been building ‘em all up inside, I needed to let it all out. And, tonight was the night. I think Jenny was waiting for this moment too, when we can just pour our emotions out, without somebody listening, or watching. I didn’t even know how I went to sleep.

         The next day, I woke up when the sun was up. Jenny was awake already, she was changed, she made me coffee and the breakfast was ready. My eyes were all puffy from crying too much last night.

“Good morning, munchkin. Did you have a good sleep?” I asked giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Good morning, dear brother. Yes, I had a wonderful sleep.” She returned my kiss.

I got a cup of coffee. I sipped the coffee slowly. “Are you ready to sail back?”  She just winked at me. She sat down and was ready to eat. I gave blessing on the food, and asked for a good faithful wind today, and then we tackle the food. When we finished she took her medicines. I was about to help her put away the stuff, but she stopped me, and asked me to just change and get ready. I took a quick shower. Jenny didn’t want to miss the beautiful morning sun; she went up to the bridge, and watched the reflection again of the morning sun in the water. It really was a breath taking sight.

         It’s another beautiful day, I went up to the bridge, and I joined Jenny watching God given beauty. We tarried there until the sun was totally up. I started the motor and asked Jenny to help me. I reeled the anchor back in first then I untied the rope. When I finished I pushed the boat out while Jenny drove the boat gently to the open water. When the boat was out far enough, I raised the sail and Jenny turned the motor off. The wind was the same like yesterday. This was a very blessed trip. I thank God for another beautiful day. We we’re off to another good start.

        The sail going back was just as wonderful as yesterday. Jenny sat next to me and I was enjoying every minute of it. We just talked; we played ‘I spy’ game, though there wasn’t much to spy. That was the hardest I spy game I ever played. We were doing well in time; the wind was just as faithful. I thought I could not ask for more, and I could not plan this trip any better. Last night I marveled the time spent with Jenny. I got the chance to know my self deeper. I didn’t know I had that in me. My tears falls a lot for Jenny, but those were nothing compared to last night. I had no idea how much I hurt inside, knowing that the one I truly cherished, will be no more, all will be left are memories.  We didn’t get home long after nine O’clock at night. Alice and Andrea waited for us outside. I pulled the car on the driveway. Andrea opened the back to help unload the stuff, and Alice walked to my side. We hugged as soon as I got out. I pulled myself away. “Excuse me but I need to carry Jenny to her room, she’s sleeping, and she’s not feeling good.” I changed topic, “how was your visit with your mom?” I asked as I walked to Jenny’s side. Alice followed, “it went fine, since you guys weren’t here and we went shopping instead. Did you and Jenny have a good time?” Before I opened the door, I answered Alice's question. “Good is an understatement, we had a marvelous time. Glorious is more like it.” I didn’t say any more. I opened the door wide and picked up Jenny, and carried her to her room. Alice walked ahead of me. She opened the doors for me. When we got in Jenny’s room, Alice pulled the blanket and the sheets. I laid Jenny down and Alice covered Jenny. We both gave her a kiss goodnight then left her room. I went back out to the car to help Andrea carry the stuff in the house. Andrea asked if we had supper. I shook my head no but I told her not to worry, because I wasn’t that hungry, and it’s late, I need to go to sleep. I said goodnight to her, then I followed Alice who went ahead of me. I was very tired myself, when I got in bed, I closed my eyes and it went off like a light bulb. When Alice came out from the bathroom, she was surprised to see me sleeping already. I didn’t even have a chance to change.

          Graduation was on a Saturday afternoon of May 27, it began around five O’clock. Friday afternoon, Mike showed up in the house with Jim. Jenny was thrilled to see Jim, “It’s so good to see you? what are you doing here?” “You think I’m just going to let you march on the stage with out me taking picture of you? you got to be kidding me.” He had a smirk as he gave Jenny a hug. She returned his hug.

Jenny smiled back. She turned to Mike. He and her hugged.

“Okay, that’s good enough,” teased Jim, trying to separate the two.

           The day Dr. Martin told me about Jenny’s condition, I called Mike and told him. I needed to talk to somebody that time, and Mike popped in my head, so he knew just how much longer he could be with her. When Jim and Mike got situated, Mike used the phone to call his dad and tell him that he’s home with us. Jim’s parents moved somewhere in Texas, I think to Austin, a couple of years ago. It’s nice to see the two of them best friends again. I still didn’t know what started their fight, or how it started, but who cares.

Mike pulled me to the side away from every one and asked about our plan for tomorrow. I told him not to worry I got everything under control. I used the same catering service from my birthday. Nancy was thrilled about it. The party will be in the house. Nancy will come tomorrow right after Jenny left for graduation and decorate the house. Since Andrea was coming with us, because Jenny doesn’t want her to follow, Nancy will be waiting on the road.

          As for the guests, many of Jenny’s friends are coming, and most of the faculty and staff that are able to come. Our friends, some of my friends that knew Jenny well, people from work, Mike’s friends that knew Jenny also. Alice’s parents, friends from our church, Mike’s dad, and mom, but I don’t think she’ll come, and Dr. Martin and his family, and his colleague that are involve with Jenny’s treatment. This will be a big graduation party but her birthday bash will be bigger even more than this. Nancy will also cater this one, but I asked for different menus.

         Saturday morning I woke up very early and had my quiet time, I prayed to God to give Jenny energy and health so she can enjoy her graduation ceremony. I asked for wisdom for Jenny’s speech that it would be pleasing to Him. I went on and on, after I finished I feel some kind of peace in me. I know I didn’t need to worry. I walked to Jenny’s room even though I know it is only 6am. I’m not going to wake her up. I’ll be very quiet. I was talking to myself. Everyone’s still sleeping except for Andrea who was busy doing stuff in the kitchen. I went to the kitchen first to say hello to Andrea. I walked back to Jenny’s room. Before I opened the door, I leaned my ear on the door and tried listening for some sort of noise. Maybe she’s awake and doing something, I didn’t like to disturb her. It was quiet, so I slowly turned the knob to open the door. When the door opened, I peeked in. Jenny was awake but she’s still in bed. She’s reading a book, more like a devotional book. She heard me made noise, because when I tried to pull my head out, I bumped my head on the side of the door. She turned her head around, when she saw me, she asked me to come in. I got in, closed the door behind me, and then walked to her bed. I sat next to her. “What are you doing up, this early?”

“Oh, a dream woke me up. I tried going back to sleep but I can’t, so I decided to do my devotion instead. What about you?”

“I woke up, I did my quiet time. I want to make sure you’re all right; any pain?”

“I can tolerate it. My stomach is a little upset.” She tried to be more cheerful.

“Maybe because you’re hungry, you didn’t eat much last night. I know I am. Andrea is awake already and making breakfast. Let’s go to the kitchen.”  I helped her get out of bed. I put my arms around her waist, kissed her forehead as we walked out the door.

         Mike was out of bed. He was in the kitchen drinking coffee while he and Andrea talked. When they saw us, they greeted us then Mike moved to the dining table. He pulled up a chair for Jenny to sit on. I helped Jenny sit down. I went in the kitchen and looked what was on the stove. I told Andrea that Jenny has upset stomach and maybe she can have some breakfast. Andrea came over where Jenny was sitting; she rubbed Jenny’s back, “what do you feel like eating sweet cake?”

“Good morning Andrea,” greeted Jenny, She gave her the “I don’t feel like eating,” kind of look . “How about some toast with a little bit of honey.” Jenny smiled.

“Coming right up, sweetheart,” Andrea had a big grin on her face then went back to the kitchen to make her toast.

I went back to the table after I got some coffee. “So love, are you excited about today?”

“Of course she is,” answered Mike, “Summa Cum Laude, I thought you will get it because you were the smartest one there. Did you make your speech already or you’re going to wing it.”

“I made an outline of what I’m going to say if that’s what you mean by winging it. But I didn’t write my entire speech.”  Andrea came back with Jenny’s breakfast. She put it down and Jenny ate slowly. We talked some more while eating. Alice came in and not far behind was Jim. They joined us for breakfast. When we finished, we stayed around the table and continued our conversation. Twenty minutes after Jenny ate she felt sick to her stomach and boom, without warning, she threw up all over the floor. Everyone was feeling sorry for her, and we’re leery about this afternoon whether Jenny can pull it up. I rubbed her back while throwing her guts out on the floor. When she had a break, she stand up and went to the bathroom close to the kitchen, there she continued to pour out whatever entered her stomach. Andrea cleaned the floor.

When she finished, she came out of the bathroom and apologized to everyone about it. “I didn’t mean to gross you out guys. My stomach didn’t give me warning, used to be I can tell, because I gag first before it goes out, and gives me time to run to the bathroom.” They were all very understanding about it. They told Jenny not to worry and not to be embarrassed about it. Jenny excused herself and went to her room. I followed her. When we got in the room, she sat on her bed and I sat next to her. She put her hands on her face and started rubbing it on a circular motion. I can tell she was thinking, she put her left hand down and put it under her right elbow for support to the right hand that’s still on her face. She tried to nibble on her fingers. “I can’t believe I threw up in front of them. That was embarrassing.”

“You were sick, and the food that you ate didn’t get along with your already upset stomach. That should be the least of your worry.” I put my arm on her shoulder to try to comfort her.

“But still, that’s no excuse for what I did.”

“How are you feeling now? any pain or fever?” I asked, at the same time trying to feel her forehead for temperature. “Why don’t you lay down and go back to sleep. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to get ready.”

She just nodded her head then she scooted up in the middle of the bed. She pulled the cover down and got under. I pulled the cover back to cover her. I gave her a kiss. I was about to leave the room, but she hold my hand. She smiled, “thank you, can you stay and read me that book,” pointing at the book that was on top of the vanity. I nodded then I went got the book. I climbed in the bed and sat next to her. I started reading the book where she had the bookmark. Ten minutes later, she was out. I kind of like the book, I tried finishing it but silently. I really like to watch her sleep, because when she’s sleeping she doesn’t feel much pain. The book was almost to the end so I finished the book and left the room.

        Jim and Mike were out in the backyard talking. I went out to join them. Mike was pointing something to Jim and telling him about it. They saw me coming, “what’s up, bud,” Jim said smiling, “how’s Jenny?” “She’s doing fine, she’s sleeping. I told her I’d wake her up when it’s time to get ready. It doesn’t start until 5 O’clock. She can sleep at least 4 to 5 hours before she gets ready.”

“How are you holding out?” Mike said, “She’s only have 2 to 3 months at the most. That’s why I really tried to get this leave and next month time off for her birthday.” Jim was very sympathetic to my feelings.

“Barely, I’m scared. Every day I pray to God to let me know when it’s time so I can be on her side, and be able to say good bye to her.”

“I would not even want to tell you I know how you feel, because I wouldn’t know. But what I do know is that we’re losing a precious gold, actually she’s more than gold to me.”

“I’m losing my only love that for sure,” Mike cut in, “I don’t know if I’m ever going to find another that would come close to her, because there isn’t any like her, and I don’t even feel like trying.” Mike looked at us and was ready to cry. His eyes were filling with tears.

We got silent... Mike turned around and walked away from us with tears rolling down his face. I sat down on the rock with my head down and both my hands covering my face. Jim stayed where he was, looking at a distant blankly.

         Jenny was awake already when I went to her room to wake her up. Andrea came in also to help Jenny get ready. Jenny smiled at us. I hold out my hand to help her out of the bed, “How are you doing?”

She smiled, “great, never been better. Now, if you excused us, I need to change” trying to push me out the door. Andrea and Jenny were giggling as they went to the bathroom together.

I yelled, “I’m right here if you need me. I’m waiting right here.” I sat on the bed and picked up the book I read this morning. I flipped to the beginning of the book. I began reading it.

Alice came in, “do you need help with Jenny,” she asked very nicely as she sat next to me.

“Andrea is in there with her.” I answered then went back to my reading. She didn’t leave the room she remained seated with her legs crossed. I put my hand on her top knee and gently tapped it. She leaned her head on my shoulder. I moved my hand from her knee and wrapped her shoulder. We waited there for Jenny to finished changing. I changed before I went to see Jenny, Alice changed the same time with me, and she just finished late. Andrea is also changed. Jim and Mike were changing this moment.

        We are all riding together. Jenny sat in front seat with me. Mike and Jim behind me and Andrea and Alice sat in the very back of the suburban. Mr. Andrews is going to meet us there; he is one of Jenny’s honorary guests. Jenny has assigned seat for her honorary guests, which is awesome that way. The school gave the student with highest award that privileged.

         The speaker announced the coming of the graduates. Jenny was leading the graduates marching to their seats. The crowds stood up to cheers them as they came out. The speaker announced to remain standing for the opening prayer. The school chaplain led us in prayer. When he finished the graduates remain standing for National Anthem and the alma mater song. The dean of the school gave the opening address to the graduates and guests. Then the speaker stands up to announce the pinning of the medals to the outstanding graduates. They have three students. They called the Cum Laude first, followed by the Magna Cum Laude and then Jenny the Summa Cum Laude of the 1993-1994 graduating class. I stood up, and walked up to the stage to put the medal around her neck. I gave her a hug and a kiss. She’s supposed to give the speech right after I get off the stage. She waited for me to get back to my seat.

         She walked to the podium to deliver her speech. At first, she looked around the place, then she let go a beautiful smile to everyone. Her smile warmed up my heart. She began to speak,

“Distinguished guests, faculty and staff, parents, and brother,” she looked towards me then smiled, “fellow graduates, ladies and gentlemen, good evening.” She paused for a moment, she closed her eyes, when she opened them back up she started her speech. “I’m not going to give you any encouragement, or words of wisdom tonight, life itself will do that. I just want to take this time to thank personally everyone who made  difference in my life. I thank my God first for bringing you in my life; you were the vessels God used to work in me. I thank you, faculty and staff; you are the smooth path on this rocky road I climbed. With your selfless support, and guidance, I rise to the top. (The faculty and staff looked at each other and smiled proudly) I thank you, my fellow classmates, for understanding and support, and for your friendship. I thank you, Dr. Martin and his colleagues, and their staff for their loving kindness, treatments and lab works were a blast,” she smiled as she glanced toward Dr. Martin’s direction, “I thank you my dear friends for your selfless love and for sticking with me. I thank you Andrea, for your sacrificial love. I saw my mother in you. I love you dearly. I thank you Mr. John Andrews, in you; I felt the love of my father.” Her eyes were brewing with tears, “you’re always there for me and for Matt. I love you. I thank you Mike Andrews, for loving me and sticking with me through thick and thin. I would not trade you for anything in this world. I love you very much and I’ll carry that love with me.” She paused for a moment, took a deep breathe, then she looked at me, “and best of all, I thank you my dear brother Matthew. You are the link to my being here after all I’ve been. Thank you for twenty-one years of my life so far. Thank you for your undying love and devotion, for your selfless sacrifices. Thank you for not giving up on me. You are the light in my darkened life. Through you, I saw the works and wonders of God. I love you very much.” Her tears were rolling down her beautiful face. I couldn’t help it either, nor did the crowd; my tears started rolling down my face. She continued, “I thank God for each and every one of you. I want to give you a song that best fits you all.” One of the usher went up the stage and set up a keyboard and microphone. She walked to the keyboard, “You decorated my life, thank you.” She started playing the music on the keyboard, and then singing the song, you decorated my life.

       The crowds were very quiet while she sang; their eyes were all wet with tears even before Jenny sang. She delivered such a heart moving speech that the crowd couldn’t help themselves to cry. When she finished the song, she said thank you then went back to her chair. The speaker didn’t come out right away, he was trying to regroup himself and regain composure, and he finally came out and announced the giving of diplomas.  

        The ceremony lasted more than 2 hours. Right after the last speaker said goodnight, I ran to Jenny and gave her bestest hug. I picked her up then we twirled around. A lot of people and fellow graduates want to congratulate her. She just smiled, and said thank you a lot. We didn’t get out of there till after eight at night. Good thing Jenny still has energy left, I was afraid she‘d fall asleep on us in the car. On the way home, we thank her for what she said to us in her speech. Alice was quiet; I thought she’s upset because she didn’t hear Jenny mentioned her name. Jim, though Jenny didn’t mention his name he’s one of those friends she mentioned and thank for. Jenny mentioned people that had been with her or knew her for number of years. Alice was somewhat new, Jenny had known her just months less than a year anyway. On the first few months of our marriage, Alice wasn’t friendly to Jenny and she’s jealous of Jenny too.

          When we reached the house, there were many cars parked in our driveway and on the side of the road already. Jenny looked at me, “you didn’t give me any party, did you?”

I just smiled, “you kidding me, I was waiting for this moment. Mike and Andrea helped me organized this.”

“Thanks a lot, good thing I ain’t tired yet, otherwise it would be embarrassing for the guests. How many did you invite; the whole town?”

“Pretty much right guys,” I winked at her. I pulled over on the empty space in the driveway. They purposely save this for me so Jenny doesn’t have to walk far.

One of Nancy’s help opened the door for us. I let Jenny in first, the guests’ stops mingling around. They focused their eyes on Jenny. They cheered as Jenny walked inside. Jenny just smiled to everyone. More guests came and the party went on.

         Jenny stayed with us for the rest of the party. I could see a little tiredness in her eyes but she tough it out.*

       Three days after her graduation, Jenny got very sick again. She spent 3 days in the hospital. It seems like I need to initiate a countdown or maybe a count up until that day come. 2 or 3 months at the most, this bugs me a lot. I should have not listened to this one. Dr. Martin did give me an option if I want to or not. I guess I made a mistake, or, if only I could turn the clock backwards. I’d been trying to justify a decision of mine for the last how many days. What if I didn’t know how long, I would still be worried but I won’t be a wreck like this. I know she’s leaving, but I didn’t know the terms. I could always hope for another year. Now that I know, I felt the tension, the pressure, and I’m sad most of the time, but I guess it’s good, because every minute I spent with her, I can make sure it’s special. Like the sailing we did. I opened up to her, and she did too.

       We were sailing together. We’d been sailing longer than a week, we have no idea where we going, we just sailed and sailed. We came to the island that was so gorgeous. It was like paradise. I set the sail down and tie the rope. Jenny got off the boat first and she ran around the island very happy. “Matt, lets stay here for a while; more so, let’s live here.”

“Whatever you say my sweet,” I told her as I was getting off the boat. When I set my foot on the ground, I felt it was a little unstable, and my feet sank a few inches. Although, when I glanced at Jenny’s feet, it was fine. I got somewhat scared. “Jenny!” I yelled, “do you feel like your feet are sinking?”

“No, my feet are fine, I like it here,” yelled back Jenny.

I didn’t share the same feeling with her, I didn’t like it, but I went along with her. I chased her and got away. We chased each other for a while, laughing and giggling. I was telling her that if I catch her, she had better watch out because I’m going to bite her good. I noticed she vibrant and she wasn’t sick at all. I finally caught her, we rolled around the grass having so much fun, when all of a sudden,

“Matt, I need to go, I love you, but it’s time for me to go.” She got up and started walking down the shore. I was so surprised by what she said, I couldn’t talked, till finally, my voice was soaring, calling her name,

“Jenny!.... Jenny!… wait up for me, where are you going?”

I got up quickly. I walked fast to catch up with her.

“No, I can’t wait,” she yelled back, “I have to do this myself, and I need to go… You can’t come with me; I’ll wait for you on the other side.” She went on without waiting; she walked on the water. She walked until she couldn’t touch the ground no more. Then she let the water take her farther, and farther from me. She was waving all this time as she drifted away. She didn’t sink or drown; she was just floating away from me. I tried to run after her but I fell down and for some reason I couldn’t get up, and I didn’t know how to get up. I was crawling, and crying as I yelled for her. “Jenny, wait for me, Jenny… Jenny, Jen…”

Alice was shaking me, “Matt… Matt… you’re having a bad dream, wake up.”

       I woke up very scared and and my body was very wet from the sweat. I could have filled a gallon with my sweat. I got up, gasping for some air. I was panting hard. When I realized it was just a dream, I sat on the bed for a while trying to figure out what it means. All of a sudden, I remembered Jenny, I got off the bed in a hurry, and I almost tripped on my own feet, “Jenny… I need to check up on Jenny.”

I walked out of the room still disoriented. Alice followed. On the way I prayed that let it not be so, let not my dream a sign I asked for. My heart felt like tugging me and I felt the chill went through my spine; it was cold and I was frightened. Please not tonight, please. When we reached the door, I stopped. “Let her be all right, please.” I said. Alice was confused but she didn’t say any. I opened the door gently and I saw Jenny sleeping, she was laying flat on her back. I went closer to her then I leaned over her face to check her breathing, she was breathing light, just enough for me to feel it. I thank God in an instant. I touched her hair and twirled my finger around it gently so she won’t wake up.

“Let’s go back to the room before she wakes up,” suggested Alice tugging my shoulder.

I nodded my head. I leaned over one more time to kiss her cheek. She moved slightly and just moved her head over, facing the other side.

       We went back to our room. We both climbed in bed. Alice asked me what was it about, but I didn’t feel like sharing it right now. I want to sleep because it’s not fair for her to stay up all night, and go to work the next day. I told her that I would tell her tomorrow. Alice didn’t insists, she said goodnight and went back to sleep. I laid flat on my back and just stared at the ceiling. I tried to close my eyes and forced myself to sleep, but I couldn’t, my mind still bothered by that horrible dream. I was awake all night thinking about it.