the gift chapter II

Learning came late for Jenny, she hasn’t learn to move on hands and knees until she was a year old, her little body wasn’t very strong. She learned to walk at sixteen months old, and talking… she learned dada when she was nineteen months old. When Jenny turned two years old, Mom and Dad hired a child specialist for Jenny to work with her speech and motor skills. Mom would take Jenny five days a week for four-hour lessons split in two sessions. It’s like a little school for her. After that, learning process was very steady, she’s learning more words everyday, her bones had gotten stronger and her body had more meat in it.

When Jenny was about four, that’s when she showed us that she was a smart little girl. She was more adorable than ever. You taught her something she’d learned it quick, like nursery rhymes, or a dance. She would sing and dance for us a lot and we’re all head over heels over her. She was the most spoiled child I’d ever seen, everything her heart desires she could have, but none of that went over her head. She stayed the same, sweet as a cotton candy as she grew up. Her immune system wasn’t strong enough to fight germs and allergens. She’s very susceptible to colds, cough and other germs related disease. That didn’t stop her from being the cutest and the sweetest girl. Our hearts melted like butter when she smiles. She never gave us a hard time she thought being sick a lot was hard enough for us to handle.

Dad died of cancer when Jenny was five years old. I was already in college; I took up Business for a degree since Dad was in business. I didn’t go far I went to the university close in town so I don’t have to stay in a dorm. It’s almost an hour drive from home to school everyday. I wanted to stay close to them especially to Jenny. About five months before Jenny turned six the night of January 12, 1978, Dad got very ill. He had a very high fever but the rest of his body was cold as ice. His temperature was like Equator head with Antarctic feet. Mom rushed Dad to the hospital and stayed in the hospital for weeks. We found out that he had cancer, leukemia and it’s malignant, it was too late when it showed on the test. The doctors said it hit Dad fast and quick, they couldn’t do much from that time they diagnosed him until the end. If only they detected early enough, when it was just forming or starting, they could have at least lengthen Dad’s life. The doctors still did everything they could possibly do but it was just a wild guess. We had hoped God would take his illness away but God had a different plan than us. He fought for his life for three months.

We felt tremendous lost. I knew things would never be the same without him. He was a brave and strong man, a wonderful spouse to my Mom and father to us. He never feel discourage to face challenges. Dad once told me “Challenges in life are what makes a person rely on God. God placed these things right in front of us, so we can call on Him and ask for His help.” While I was remembering those words I could feel his presence, it felt as if he was saying it to me. I felt sorry for Jenny she had not enough time to enjoy Dad as I did. I didn’t think that 19 years was enough for me, what about five years for Jenny.

Mom took over the business and I took the responsibility for Jenny. Business continued to grow. It was not so hard for Mom to take over Dad seat since Mom already knew every detail of how to run it. She had worked side by side with Dad. The business was turning more and more like a corporation with Mom on the top seat. Mom asked me to work part time for her, to familiarize myself with the company and the people. In my second year of college, I went to school in the afternoon until eight o’clock at night, and worked for my Mom during the day. That gave me little time to spend with Jenny but at night we did homework together, she was in first grade then, she went to the same school I went. We continued with this arrangement until I graduated college. Jenny was an excellent student her grades were A+ all the time and very smart and not lazy about school at all.

Ever since Dad died, Jenny had been having bad dreams, or scared at night when she wakes up. Jenny would turn on all the lights that lead to my room and gently opened my door and climbed in my bed to sleep next to me. She never turned the light on in my room. She would leave the door open and used the light in the hallway. The first time she did this, I had absolutely no idea she was in my room. I did not wake up when she came in the room and didn’t wake up either when she climbed in my bed and pulled some of the blanket from me so she can cover herself. That night she came in, I was lying on my side facing the window and she climbed in by the door side because that’s the closest without waking me up. She must have been in my room a while. I turned to lie on my back, but when I turned, I rather threw my arm and hit her on the nose and my back crushed her little body. She woke up, got up, and screamed, “Ouch! .... Matt, you hurt my nose.” I jumped up scared, “Woo! Ooh… Jenny…” I got out of the bed and quickly turned the light on, “I’m so sorry sweet cake… I didn’t know you’re next to me.”

I apologized with tremendous effort. I tried to hug her and kissed her nose. Andrea awakened by the commotion got out of her room yelling. “Matt, what happened? I heard Jenny screamed.” She hurried in my room. Mom also awakened came running upstairs asking what happened. I explained the whole thing. “It’s my fault. I didn’t know Jenny is in my bed and when I turned I somewhat swung my arm on Jenny’s nose and my back just crushed her tender body.”

“Why are you here, my love?” Asked Mom, she leaned to kiss her nose.

“I had a bad dream,” she explained, “I woke up scared so I climbed in Matt’s bed. I know he can chase the boogie man away, he’s big.”

“When you got here, did he chase the boogie man away?”

“He did, because when he hit my nose and land on me, I forgot the boogie man. Now I just have hurt nose.” We all laughed at what she said, Jenny laughed when she thought it was amusing too. I promised that from now on I would turn gently just in case she’s next to me. I always sleep with pajama, all parts of it anyway because it’s easy to get out right away when something was wrong. I used to wear just shorts but ever since Jenny was born, I felt like I always had to be ready just in case we had to bring her to the hospital. I bought pajamas that were not so embarrassing if I went out with out the robe. Jenny has had many musical beds lately. She played musical bed between Mom and me, I thought when she had bad dreams she climbed in my bed, and when she just woke up at night she climbed in Mom’s bed. Sometimes she’d asked me to stay in her room. I thought maybe when she missed Dad she had dreams about it.

Right after college, I worked side by side with Mom, she let me joined all the board meetings and management decisions. She also took me in more out of state or out the country conferences and I was not very fond of this because I hate to leave Jenny. The very first time I left her, I thought I wouldn’t last a day. I missed her terribly, it was only two nights and two days but it felt like I’d been away for weeks. I couldn’t call her during the day because she was at school and at night, usually we finished late, and time differences too, when I called home, she’s sleeping already.

We came straight home from the airport. When we got home, I hurried to meet Jenny. I had hoped she was waiting for us outside but to my disappointment nobody was home, I worried, I looked at my Mom, she looked at me back with the same look I had. They can’t be in the hospital, otherwise Andrea would let us know but what if we’re in the plane when it happened. Mom asked me to calm down and wait. She started looking for a note or something. After an hour of waiting, Andrea pulled the car in the garage. I ran to meet them and got Jenny out of the car and smothered her with kisses. “I was so worried. I thought something happened.”

Andrea explained, “On the way home Jenny had something to get at the store for her project tonight for school. It was a long line at the counter that’s why it took us longer.”

I pursued my master degree at night but only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Mom said that when I’m ready she’d let me take over her seat, and she would just be in the background guiding me. She wanted to spend more time with Jenny, I couldn’t blame her, and I wanted more time with Jenny too if I were she. Jenny was growing, still get sick easily, and Mom works all the time ever since Dad passed away. The only time she has to spend with her was weekends, and sometimes she’d take off if Jenny sick or didn’t have school. At night, Mom doesn’t really spend much time with her because Jenny’s with me. I still helped her with her homework though not every night because sometimes meeting is at night, and I had school three nights in a week, when I came home she’d already be asleep. Some times, I would hope she still awakes when I get home; I always wanted to hear the word she liked to tell me. It goes like this. “I love you Matt.” She’d say with a smile. Then I would respond like this. “What? I didn’t hear you, say it again?” Then the second time she’d say it, she would say it in a louder voice or screamed it, likes this. “I love you Matt. You are my favorite brother in the whole world.” Then I would tease her. “I’m your only brother.” “Oh yeah,” she would always follow it with a hug or a kiss or sometimes both. She would do this if she felt she messed up or when she just wanted me to hear the word ‘I love you’ from her.

Time had passed, September 17 at 5:36 in the afternoon, Mom went home ahead of me because I had a meeting and she wanted me to take care of it. Mom’s excused was, I needed to get a feel of it without her behind me. I walked Mom to her car before Mom left I asked a favor. “Mom could you please tell Jenny that I can’t help her, she has a project she wants my help on but I bet she finished already since it’s” -- I looked at my watch -- “almost six now. She said she’d wait for me, I was about to call her but since you are going home, you can explain it to her.” I gave Mom a kiss she returned my kiss. I opened the door for her. When Mom got in, I closed the door for her. Mom started the car, and then she opened the window and said. “Take care Sugar Bear. I’ll see you home. Don’t take too long.” She pulled out of the parking lot. I waved at her ‘till she’s out of my sight. Mom used to call me Sugar Bear when I was little. When I turned thirteen, I got tease a lot every time she called me that in front of my friends, so she stopped calling me. I didn’t ask Mom to stop but she got the hint that I was getting tease. I walked back to the office still all warm and fuzzy. I went ahead with the meeting and I tried to keep it short and concise.

In the last five minutes of our meeting, I was wrapping it up when the phone rang in the room. Missy, my secretary answered the phone. When she finished she looked at me, “Andrea is on the line, and she sounds in distress.” I quickly took the phone; Andrea was crying and stuttering. She told me what’s going on. Jenny and she were on the way to the hospital. Mom had an accident with another car. Shocked and very nervous, I dropped the phone. I called off the meeting, I told them that Mom had a car accident and she’s in the hospital. Nobody in that table could speak. We were all shock about the news. One of my senior board members, Mr. Thomas offered to drive me. “I will drive you, son. I don’t want you to drive on that condition you’re shaking badly.” He carried my stuff for me and he put his arm around my shoulder. We walked to his car. The others followed us.

We arrived in the hospital in no time. Jenny and Andrea were outside ER, waiting and crying. I ran to Jenny and hugged her; Andrea joined us. The police officer from the site of the accident was still there. When I regained composure, the officer pulled me aside away from Jenny and told me everything that happened. Andrea grabbed Jenny’s hands and she put Jenny on her lap. The officer explained. “Your Mom hit by a drunk driver. He was turning right, but he took it with too high of speed, causing the car to swerve onto the other lane. The car was accelerating because he put his feet on the wrong pedal. Your Mom tried to avoid it but the other car was way out of control and still hit your Mom’s car on the driver side.”

I couldn’t speak, tears escaped my eyes again. He continued, “The other driver died on impact, but your Mom still alive, we airlifted her but, I’m sorry son…” He touched my shoulder. “She looked bad I will be very happy if she survives this.” He stopped talking. I was shaking more, and hard. I couldn’t let Jenny know what’s happening but I couldn’t help myself from sobbing. The police officer comforted me. Jenny heard me sobbing, she ran to me, hugged me and joined me and cried.

We waited in there quietly for four hours. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to talk to God. What is His sovereign purpose for doing such a thing? Why did He let Satan do such a thing? Though I knew in all things, we must obey Him. When the doctor came out, his head was down. I knew she didn’t make it. My legs got weaker. I almost fainted but the police officer was standing behind caught me. The doctor came to us shaking his head. Jenny cried and ran away from us. Andrea ran after Jenny. The attending physician talked to me. “I’m sorry son… We did everything we could do, she had internal bleeding and we couldn’t stop it. We’re very sorry but we tried.” The doctor left with his head still down.

I looked at Jenny. Andrea was carrying her. They walked back to me. I felt pain, my heart was crying for her; she was much too young not to have parents. I, at least, grown up when both died on me, but Jenny, she’s only ten years old, and she’s too young for this. Jenny didn’t even get to say adieu to Mom. I, on the other hand talked to Mom before she left. Good thing we still have Andrea to keep us together. From that moment, I knew that my life would forever change. I only have Jenny I didn’t want to lose her either. I promised to myself I will take care of her the best way I knew how, and I won’t ever leave her. When they came close to me, Jenny let go of Andrea and ran to me. I picked her up and just hugged her tight. Jenny cried and cried. She finally settled down. She asked if we could see Mom, at first, I was hesitant but the three of us went inside, I was carrying Jenny. Mom already covered with white sheet. I slowly lift the sheet off her face. Mom’s face looked peaceful. With tears in our eyes, we all kissed her and said goodbye to her right there.

I decided to moved downstairs and take Mom and Dad’s room for Jenny sake, it’s either she move upstairs with us or I move down with her. She liked the idea of me moving down. She didn’t care either way she would like to move up if I asked her. The only problem with this when she’s ill, that’s why I decided that I would move to the master suite. A week after Mom’s death, I gave away almost all the clothes and other personal belongings to charity. Some of them Andrea kept that she liked and some Jenny kept for keepsake, and few of her mementos in the attic. The pictures of them that were in their room, I hanged together with the ones on the wall in the hallway. Dad’s stuff already cleaned up because Mom gave his personal belongings to charity. I kept some that I like to wear, and Jenny kept some for keepsake, she put Mom and Dad’s stuff together in a chest. The rest were in the attic. Andrea and I did it in one day cleaning up the room. I was missing them terribly. I had wet eyes the whole day. Sometimes I’d stop and just closed my eyes to feel their presence in me.

For about three months straight, Jenny didn’t want to sleep by herself. She asked Andrea if I’m not home yet, or me to either sleep with her in her room, or she sleeps with Andrea in her room or with me in my room. I couldn’t blame her she’s too young to feel this rather lost. I, myself felt the same way. I needed her comforting hugs as much as she needed me to comfort and protect her from bad dreams. It was hard for both of us to lose them but it was harder on Jenny, especially when she’s not feeling good. The first year of just the two of us, sometimes I would hear Jenny calling Mom and Dad and asking them where they were. That broke my heart more than anything did. What more could I do that I wasn’t doing already? After things in the house settled down, she slept by herself but most of the nights she still played a musical bed between Andrea and me. She continued to do this until high school, by then she would just ask me if I could stay in her room ‘till she fell asleep, but mostly when she’s not feeling good. Sometimes I would surprise her by asking her if I could sleep in her room. She always got a kick out of that. Every night I’m on my knees asking for God’s help on Jenny and thanking Him for bringing Jenny in my life. I love her dearly.

One night, Jenny for some reason bothered by something and couldn’t relax. We were talking about our days at work and school when out of nowhere she asked me. “Matt, are you going to get married and leave me here with Andrea?”

“Where did that come from?” It came as a surprised to me.

“Oh nothing, today my classmates were telling me that you are going to get married and leaves me here with Andrea,” she said, rather worried to what my response would be. “You don’t want me to get married?” I asked her nonchalantly.

“Yes, I want you to get married and have your own kids. I just want you to live here in the house with Andrea and me.” She looked at me with a sad eye, and then said, “I would miss you too much if I don’t see you everyday, but you can do what you want. This is just my wish, if you ask me to wish, this is what I would wish.”

She got closer to me and hugged me tight with her little arms. She’s small for her age. Other kids her age, she’s 11 years old, were bigger than she was. “Of course I won’t leave you. It would kill me if I don’t see you,” I tried to make her smile. I told Jenny that maybe sometime when she’s grown up I would think of getting married. She teased me back and told me that I would be old then. We tickled each other until she complained being tired. She went to sleep happily and without worry that I would leave her.

The thought never really entered my head since youth camp. Mom would sometimes ask me to go out with friends; any friends of mine do something with them, enjoy the company of others my age. Mom used to tell me, “I know that you enjoy your responsibility helping me with Jenny and our business but it’s not fair to you. I should have just let you enjoy college dating girls and others stuff college kids do.” My answer was. “Mom I would do this anyway, you just beat me to it. I love taking care of Jenny. I like working with you side by side. When Jenny is in college then maybe I’ll start dating, but right now I’m still young and I don’t like to share my attention with any body except for this family.” Then a thought came into my mind, there was this girl back when I was senior in college and she was a freshman student. She showed interest in me and tried many stuff to get me to go out with her group, or just to talk to me. Her name was Alice, I somewhat liked her but after I graduated, I never saw her again. I wonder where she is now. I was on this train of thought when suddenly I glanced at Jenny, and that was it, my train stopped from thinking. Jenny is my life, my priority for now. I don’t think I was ready to share my love with anybody else besides her. I didn’t want Jenny to feel left alone. I’m satisfied with my life as a single family man just taking care of her and loving her was enough for me.