A peek inside an anxious mind

A Story by wordsthink

My personal battle with anxiety and depression.

What is happening.

I thought that I knew what 'depression' and 'anxiety' meant.

But not until I have experienced it myself.

Sitting in lectures give me an uncontrollable amount of adrenaline that makes my lungs desperately crave for air, even though there is plenty around.

Unpredictable events are supposed to be exciting, but my body embrace it with fear.

Why is the food in front of me tasteless while my friends praise how delicious it is. Why is the ocean so scary at night, when I used to love night walks by the beach from a young age.

I can't stand on the bus.

I can't sleep with the ceiling spinning in my head.

I can't sit on the plane.

I can't handle anything,

anymore.

It seems like I have no control over my body at all.

Some tell me that it's just chemical imbalance in the brain. Some tell me it's because I'm starting a new chapter in life away from the country I call 'home'. Many tell me to stay strong, to fight on, to hold in there. But they don't understand. Only some, will.

One day, society will understand that mental illness is as deleterious as physical illness. Mental discrimination is no longer acceptable. There will be no misuse of the words depression and anxiety. When will that society become a reality?

Perhaps this is why many choose to escape this present world for a better place where there is no stigma attached to mental illness.

It may not sound like heaven to you, but it sure is for me

..and millions of others suffering the battle between their own minds and bodies.