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i wrote this poem to outlet my stress due to personal events but i really want feedback so !!!!

I remember tears rushing down your face

I remember you crying about how you were tired

Tired of getting abused by your father who maybe drank a little too much

Of getting ignored by your mother who just couldn't care less

Of going to bed each night, wanting it to end

Of wanting someone, or anyone really, to help you

I remember your eyes,

how they were always so dark, always clouded with pain. 

It surprised me how no one could see how you were so clearly not happy

I remember how you desperately wanted me to save you

But I think you and I both knew I was never that strong

I remember, maybe this a little more than others, of how you ran to me 

I remember each and every bruise that colored your skin that day and each and every tear that stained your pretty face

I remember how you repeated and repeated that he loved you, that he didn't mean it

like maybe if you said it enough, that you'd believe it.

And lastly, I remember the day you ended it all.

I couldn't figure out for the life of me why you were so happy

I guess it didn't matter because it never lasted

That was the first time I've ever seen your eyes light up 

and it haunts me. 

But now no one remembers.

No one remembers how tears rushed down your face constantly

how bruises dotted your skin consistently 

how your eyes always seemed to sparkle less than the rest

No one remembers. 

Author's Note

idk leave a comment on what you think i could fix! i love ideas that can help me get better at writing.

Reviews

[Jen]

This was like a story and it was touching. Poetry takes time, but I am the worse person to give feed back about "structured" writing in a poetic style. I believe that writing is like painting, an expression of the self so to try and put a "form" to it... well you ruin the beauty of it. This was sad and well written you have a strength in writing good visuals. This was a GOOD! poem! Keep going, practice makes perfect, so they say.