Nanobots

This a story set in the future following a brother and sister. the brother is going to get a nanobot procedure done and the sister is worried. This just a small piece. not to sure were to go from here

  The PV was on. Alice had been watching the news, but now she was just looking at it, not really focusing. The three dimensional image of the city hovered off the ground in front of her. It was showing the top down view the city. The news caster was going on about some new renovation to the city. It looked like they were going to be getting rid of most of the sidewalks. New York had been slowly pushing the buildings out and absorbing all the space they could. It would only be a matter of time before the buildings started to claim the roads too.

The front door opened inward, and a few seconds later Aaron walked in. The door closed behind him. She could here him taking of his shoes. Alice shifted her gaze from the PV to the doorway he would be walking through. The three dimensional image slowly faded away until it was gone.

Aaron walked into the kitchen and made eye contact with his sister. The kitchen was done in yellows and greens, and gave one a cheery feeling. The front of the dishwasher was open and it was full of plates ready to put away. He crossed the room and sat down on the opposite side from Alice.

“ Nanobots?” Alice said. She was a pleasantly plump young women in her mid thirties. She had long dark brown hair, and lovely cream colored skin. She was wearing a worn pair of jeans and a red plaid shirt.

“ Yeah.” said Aaron. Aaron had no extra fat on his body. He was of medium build and had the same dark brown hair as his sister Alice. He kept his hair short and tidy. Aaron was wearing a gray turtle neck sweater and brown corduroys. His cheeks were still a little ruddy from being on the windy roof.

“ I've seen the adds. I know they claim to be safe, but would you be human anymore?” asked Alice.

“ I would still be me. I just wouldn't have a fleshy body anymore. I would have total freedom.” said Aaron.

“ But, why would you live? I mean you would have no drive, for food or sex. You could just lay there all day and still be alive. You no longer get to taste and have thrills. You would be dead, just still here to remind us of when you were alive.” Alice said.

“ I'll still be alive,and I'll still wanna have sex, trust me. All the best parts of life, and none of the up keep, well I'll still have to eat just not as much. Plus I can live for a lot longer!” said Aaron.

“ I don't know, how does it work?” asked Alice.

“ I take one pill twice a day for the next year, an that's it.” said Aaron.

“ But, what happens? How does it turn you into … whatever it is?” asked Alice.

“The nanobots start to replicate, as the cells in my body die instead of being replaced by a new cell a 'nano-cell' will take their place. Once that is done they reduce the size of the digestive track, since the only part of me that still needs food power is the brain. It really is pretty great and the part of me, that is me, is still me. So there really is nothing to worry about.” said Aaron.

“ How do you know they don't replace your brain? Those robots could do all sorts of things, and you would have no idea.” Alice huffed. She got up and started putting the dishes away. Her shaking hands on the verge of dropping them.

“ The brain is born with all of it's cells. It never grows new ones. They did lab studies on rodents and the results were horrible. The rodents just became more and more brain dead. Maybe later on they can figure out how, but for now the brain is the limiting factor of the human lifespan.” said Aaron.

“ But how can you be sure how much longer you'll live. It's still vary early for them to be certain of what will happen long term.” Alice said, some of the fight leaving her.

“ I know your worried and so am I, but I have to take this chance. I think it will be worth the risks. I love you sis, and I always will, but I have to do this. I have to live longer and be able to see more. To do more.” Aaron said.

“ You won't be here. You'll go and never come back. Why can't you just be happy with the way things are and live a normal life?” Alice was crying now. She stopped putting the plates away and looked out the little window.

“ Of course I'll be here. And yeah I might do some traveling, but I already do a lot of that anyways.” said Aaron.

“ I don't like it!” Alice was shaking all over.

“Alice, come here” Aaron got up, and placed his arms around her and held her. She cried for awhile.

“ Nothing I say will change your mind. Will it?” said Alice. Moving out to arms reach. Aaron just looked at her and shook his head a little.

“ Okay, I know. I just don't like it, and I'm sure I never will. What will you do after?” said Alice.

“ The first year will be much the same. I'll go to work and take all the pills. I had to take a deal with company. They gave me the treatment for a price I could manage, but I'll become a sort of spokesman for the company.” said Aaron

“ And how long do you have to be a spokesman?” asked Alice.

“ Five years. Going to be mostly travel to hospitals and doing some talk shows with some other people who have had the procedure.” said Aaron.

“ Huh, is it going to hurt?” asked Alice.

“ There could be some slight discomfort. I should have no trouble working while I go through the change.” said Aaron.

“ Will it be noticeable? Seems like turning into metal would be very noticeable.” said Alice.

“ Not too sure. They said my skin will feel different, but that isn't until the about six months in.” said Aaron

“ How much longer will you live?” asked Alice.

“ They don't know. They think that the human brain, with the help of the nanobots will be able to live about fifty years longer.” said Aaron.

“ That's it? You give up your body for 'maybe' fifty more years!” said Alice.

“ Well, it's also about the quality of life.” said Aaron. Alice frowned at him.

“ I would always be in top form, running and jumping when I'm a hundred and twenty! I might only live an extra fifty years, but my quality of life will be better for longer.” said Aaron.

“ What if you end up getting Alzheimers or something? You wanna live a longer time with that disease?” said Alice.

“Right now they are screening applicants for things like that. They want everything to go smooth for the beginning. They claim the bots will be able to help with things like Alzheimer. Fixing the neurons or something.” said Aaron.

“ Well, good to know your healthy. You know you will be at the funeral of the boys, maybe even their kids.” said Alice. Aaron paused.

“ Maybe, or they might decide to get the nanobots.” said Aaron. The color left Alice's face. “ No! Hell no! They will never ever become robots!” said Alice, now shacking with fear.

“ Calm down. I sure they won't, and even if they do by the time they are old enough the technology with be much better. Who knows in ten years when you see how I haven't aged at all you might want to get your own nanobot bod.” said Aaron with a little smirk.

“ I'm telling you now that won't ever happen.” said Alice, looking down a little.

“ You know I love you, and you know that no matter what I will always be here for you and the boys. I want to be a great uncle to them and I also would like to be round longer.” said Aaron.

“ No, once you get the robot body new doors will open up for you. After awhile you will no longer be able to relate to us, and you will seek the company of those who can. It might take some time, but you will leave us, and when that time comes I don't want you staying behind for us. I want you to do what makes you happy. No guilt here.” said Alice.

“ Thank you. I really appreciate that, but I promise no matter what I still want to be apart of this family, and I will want to be here for the big moments in your lives.” said Aaron. He leaned in and hugged her.

They talked for a little while longer. Alice told him about how the boys were doing in school and how their games were going. Aaron told her how he was going to have pick more hours at work to be able make his payments, and that he and his girlfriend were 'off again'. Alice laughed, then Aaron laughed too. They hugged one more time, and said their goodbyes. Aaron put his shoes on and left the apartment.

Alice sat at the table looking into nothingness. She took a deep breathe and looked up at the PV projector. The news sprang up in her kitchen. The story about the city was over and now they were going on about the up coming election.

Alice stopped watching again. She went to the dishes and started to put them away. Her silent tears wetting a few of them.

Aaron headed to the elevator. He pressed the button for the roof and waited a few seconds. He stepped out onto the roof. He was immediately buffeted by the wind. He looked up and was glad to see there was no line. The roof was mostly covered in a large dish. The edge of it was over the top of Aaron's head. He climbed the steps that went up to the edge. At the top he could she the Porter in the bottom of the dish. His sisters apartment building was smaller than his, and he liked the fact that he never had to wait in line to use the Porter, but he didn't like climbing the rim on the safety dishes for these older model Porters. He jaunted down the inside steps and walked in to the Porter.

“Welcome, Aaron. To which destination would you like to travel?” asked the female automated Porter voice.

“ Home.” said Aaron. There was a low humming noise, and a bright flash of light. Aaron didn't see the light, for Aaron everything ceased to exist.   

Author's Note

all input is welcomed.

Reviews

[Al Javier]

A world of superhumans does sound like a great idea, but with the potential side-effect for brain malfunction or damage? No thanks.

Okay, this was a good read, but it has a lot of issues. Let's start with the formatting. It's one giant chunk of text, continuous in flow, which makes it difficult to read for others, myself included. It would be nice to have them in their own separate paragraphs, but that isn't really possible - I'll get to this point later.

Second, the capitalization is off. Each new sentence after a full-stop or new dialogue must begin with a capital letter. I see some of the dialogue present does have the proper capitalization, but the majority is just waiting for a simple fix.

Third, some words are misspelled. Oh and the grammar could use a little work.

Fourth, don't start with dialogue. When I took up Creative Writing classes, they always told me to never start my fiction with dialogue. While some well-known authors employ this technique, it isn't always the best idea. Why? We don't know who is talking, what's going on, and who even the characters are. There's no basic vision of what the world you're trying to build is like.

Finally, as mentioned above, my final point. I stated earlier that this needed some paragraphing to alleviate the gigantic wall-of-text issue. However, the whole thing is just an exchange between two characters, well-described in image sure, but we don't know enough about them and what they do.

In fact, I have no idea what this world looks like. Bring in some exposition, mix it up with some world-building, give us a setting, even just a simple name of a city and a brief description, anything will do if you want a dialogue-focused piece.

All in all, you missed a great potential for this one. There is a great idea here, you just have to let it cook. Write, read, revise, repeat. Until you made sure you've written the best way you can for the piece, keep on revising.

By the way, if you update this or post a new one, I will read it. Why? Because I like this.

[yeti]

Wow! thanks for the in depth review. The Text format was a copy paste issue i didn't notice until i posted it. I plan on working more on this story. I just really had no idea what was missing. Now that you pointed it out it seems pretty obvious. thanks again.

[Ace St. Jean]

Great concept for a story. It tells the future in a way. With some welcoming technology while others fear it. Overall great work, the dialogue really moved the story and showed me the characters and how they feel about the advance of the technology. I feel this would make a great novel, or something longer than a short story. Awesome!