Speak

future

Assure me, quietly.

Speak through the soft bristling of aging branches.

Speak through the rampant hiss of pavement.

Do so, as if you were the creaking shadow of a river.

Who’s mighty strength knows no restraint,

Even with the warmest of hearts.

Speak, my blood, tower over streets that claimed your origin.

Speak of fools that gazed upon burning tree tops and called them true.

Speak of understanding while abandoning regret by past lives set.

Your eyes will fall blind to your surname’s reverberating effect.

Speak through the falling bronze leaves, in the city hidden by trees. 

Author's Note

Any constructive criticsm would be great!

Reviews

[M.L.H.]

The first six lines captured me and I was hooked. You have a wonderful talent for words and rhythm. Notice it gets stuck in the lines my blood, tower...the transition from long lines from short lines is abrupt and I had to re-read it a couple of times which took me away from the piece.

I wonder if you wrote "My Blood--Speak...", then put the "tower..." line on the next line--dividing it up, and changed the wording a bit on the line with "speak of fools..." to present tense, so it says gazing instead of gazed and called into calling--this would keep the rush pace till the end. The last three lines are perfect, add a comma after understanding for rhythm. But other than that this is a really great piece, best I've seen in a while...especially love the lines "speak of understanding...reverberating effect"--the imagery and depth is in such exquisite taste! I just think you should keep up the momentum you built in the first couple lines.

[SheDreamsInTheSun]

Very nice. I love the imagery. The way you describe blows me away.

[Kylie W.]

Beautiful imagery. Lovely. Absolutely lovely.

[Aaron the Baron]

beautiful words my friend. Your description: future. coupled with the first line: Assure me, quietly. So chilling. The line alone set the tone for me in this piece. Half requesting, half demanding, yet instilling some need. Great work!

[FaithfullyJennyBear]

Imagery was amazing! I could see the leaves and stuff as I read the words, structure was well set and the techniques used were well used x
yours faithfully, Jenny x