Free Fall

Free Fall

By

Jose M. Euvin

 

I’m screaming my heart out

Yet you can’t see

I’m dying without you

Please come back to me

 

All the time that I lost

How long will it last

Before it gets worse

Reminiscing the past

 

As time goes on

I start to look back

It’s time to move on

And get back on track

 

I lost all desires

But whose there to blame

The mirror don’t lie

It reflects all my shame!

 

Desires are lost

Decisions are not

Freedom is granted

And lost in a flash

 

Suicidal tendencies

Disturbing my life

Before me is a cliff

Should I take the dive?

 

I take one last breath

And make my decision

Here comes the fall

The end of my mission!

 

Reviews

[*** Hey Jude***]

The pain of losing a loved one can be paralizing. I like the way you have expressed these intense emotions in poem! ~ N

[Eyeliner W***e]

This is good. Its really hard to forget someone you love and try to get them out of your head, and to move on from it. I hope your able to use writting as a way to get her out of your system, with time it will get better, it just takes time. But this is good, i love the way you did it, really good job.

[Chillbear Latrigue]

I really like the last part, with the assumption that it is not really a likely thing for you to do. This is a very good - if dark poem. Keep up the good work.

[El-Enano]

Dont let this be the end, but maybe you should finish it with words like this is the end of her and the start of my mission. Win at the end, dont let her beat you.

[Writing_angel]

This is really intresting. Simple yet it gets the point across. To me, well, the way I think at my age, I don't think sucide would be the concluding answer to the problem above. I really liked the reflection thing with a mirror, it's an imigery plus, no pun intended. I can see the "reflection" of a disheartened person in the mirror, if that makes any sense. lol. All and all, good piece, I couldn't feel the Free Fall effect, but I really like the style of the poem. Keep writing!

[Ailee Way]

I like it :) actually, i like the free fall feel to the whole structure. While I was scrolling down and the words were going up it kind of seemed like falling, in a way. This was interesting. Maybe, you'll find you have wings...which you never would have known about when you were grounded with the lovely lady.

[Emily B]

I want to free-fall out into nothing
I want to leave this world for a while. . .
--Lines from one of my most favorite songs.

I would be interested in reading of your free fall without the structured rhyming form. . . let your words fall out. Smear them around the page a little.

You have some major thoughts going on. Explore them. Get to know them inside and out.

[Jess: ~The Sidekick~]

I hope you've found a better girl for you.
Someone who's not causing you so much pain.

And take it from someone who knows, suicide is not worth it.
No one is worth your life.

[Chloe Smith]

It is sad to read your poems, always so heartfelt and tragic. Perhaps you could write something more positive? I think the title is wrong for the poem. The words "Free fall" I always relate to things such as when I went Skydiving in New Zealand, freedom and hope and exhileration, not heartache and pain. I too really hope that by writing about your experiences you are slowly freeing yourself. Why not write about how things could be? Write about how you want her to feel or maybe how she is feeling. You write about what is in your heart but not about what happened, perhaps that could free you? All the best.

[Sassafrass]

The poem is very good, and definitely expresses intense emotion. I agree with the others that writing can act as catharsis, but that sometimes you need to be the one who wins. That's the great thing about being able to write; even if it didn't work out in your favor you can create a world where it does.

I also agree with Jay, that your ryhming could use a little work and that deviating from a rhythm you've set risks losing the reader.

I'm confused as to how "freedom...granted" is lost. What are you falling into? I'm also curious as to what your mission was.

This was the first piece of yours that I've read, but I enjoyed it and was able to connect to the rawness of pain felt. I look forward to reading the rest of your work.