If You Ever

If You Ever

By

Jose M. Euvin

 

If you ever see me cry

Is not because I miss you

Is because I hurt

With you I learn

The meaning of heartbreak!

 

My heart was never broken

But now is torn apart

My eyes were never open

But now I see the dark

 

There's no light in darkness

There's no season rain

There's no close in open

From the wombs of pain

 

Grant me one last chance

To fix all that’s gone wrong

One last chance for some romance

Because here’s where you belong

 

My tears have run dry

But the pain still remains

I have my reasons why

To you my heart pertains

 

I ask a million times

Why I feel this pain

To you I always write

Yet my heart is whom I blame

 

It’s time to start a new page

And leave it all behind

Now that I learned of pain

And how it feels inside

 

I chose to forget

But my heart still remembers

Can there be room for change

After all I’ve surrender

 

Here’s one more letter

That you’ll never get to read

I’ll burn it in December

And start new in spring

 

From fire to dust

All that's left are ashes

From my previous love

A kiss is all I’m asking

 

Fare well my good lady

I’ll try not to look back

I’ll take everything you thought me

And keep it all inside

 

Pain’s a lesson to be learned

That should never be taught

The heart’s like a precious gem

It should only be loved

 

Reviews

[Spoken]

Yet my heart it's whom I blame

maybe..."yet my heart is whom I blame"

I'll tried not to look back

maybe... "I'll try not to look back"'
All it's left are ashes
maybe "all that remains are ashes" or "all that's left are ashes".

Pain's a lesson to be learn
That should never be thought
The heart's a precious gem
It should only be love

"Pain's a lesson to be learned
that should never be taught
The heart's a precious gem
It should only be loved"

just some suggestions.. that being said...


I chose to forget
But my heart still remembers
Can there be room for change
After all I've surrender

great stanza here. I love the tone, a great feel of pain with a hint of healing. This has real potential. Well done!

[Tempest]

You stay true to the emotion of the piece. Pain is a universal language and one of the most important (in my opinion) to capture and convey through poetry. Faulkner said that matter of the heart are the only thing worth writing about.

[Ashes]

A nice angry little heartfelt piece. The only thing I would really suggest is maybe a little more of a "chaotic" feel would fit the words you're using to describe the narrators feelings, but that's just a personal tick of mine and the poem's very nice as is.

[Robert Luna]

Depth of your pain sings every line as your heart seeks to be healed. You words were perfectly place to cause the flow to be perfect.


Great Job!!!!

[R J Askew]

'My eyes were never open, but now I see the dark' I thought this the best part, strong notion.

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

another awesome piece... thanks for sharing

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

a lot of sad emotion runs through this piece... it is written so well -- great flow and tone going throughout the entire piece

[Nick Erickson]

Very well written, full of emotion and pain.

"From fire to dust
All that's left are ashes
From my previous love
A kiss is all I'm asking"

Very good lines there, very powerful.
Good writing.

[Bittercream]

Outch, hard and sad stuff! This hurts, cuts my heart into slices. I can feel your pain and your longing.
Thanks for sharing this piece. I love it.

[desertraven]

heartfelt and sweet. heartbreaking and sad. Great write!
Sandra♥

[NJ Schneider]

I can actually relate to this very well and I'm sure many human beings can. I really great write, impressive.