HMMMM...................................................AHHH...

 (*=And the villagers cheered)

(1= and cheered)

 (The villagers awoke) On a nice winter’s clear day (the villagers took their seating) the big stinky cauliflower-eating chipmunk which was in a beautiful red cabbage tree in a giant field went snorting away, whistling cheerfully to himself when Snuffaluffagus the peanut jumped out of the burning hot oven with the chipmunk-ginger-entburch and hollered “Eat me please!”*

“No thank you sir.” said the big stinky cauliflower-eating chipmunk.

Then all of a sudden the peanut dashed away into the blue horizon where he took a pumpkin and said “Go away because chipmunks taste disgusting, they make me get a rash and… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK!”*

The peanut then said to the pumpkin “You made me step on a spider and I’m getting sick of you doing that!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!* Now you made me step on a prickle!* I’m also allergic to your ugly brown leather sandals! So swim out to sea! I hate prickles and spiders especially those that are hairy and that like making paradigms that are better for me and I’m not swimming in this murky dark old place full of teddy baby cherry tomatoes, they are disgusting. I’m going home now to murder my annoying pet moggy, pet grinch and my pet carrot. I hate them especially the grinch. But when I make them into evil midget minions I can take over the WORLD!!!!!!!!” (or so he thought)* “But I just feel so tired so instead I’ll go to bed with my green teddy.”*

 

A certain Hermador was eating my crayons when a big fat Chubbalubba named Mr. T said “Wazzup my name’s Mr. T, my favourite food is crayons because they are dude-ish so now it is depression time.*

 

Did you know that clouds are the homes of piglets?*

 

Get off my pink ninja missile. Pink is my favourite colour.

 

“Thank you so much, I didn’t think you would jump into my trouble relationship.” Said Schnit and Company to their bride.

 

“You are so cool and I like chocolate cake!” said Parrot the French Investigator.  

“Fuif! My crayons where about to atomic bomb themselves for bloody Bigfoots.”*

“What is that?” Inquired Holden the Hag “It is colossal, it is a USO (Unidentified Sprinting Object).” As the USO skidded across the field Mr. T said “That is amazing, how does he do that?”*

 

Mr. P. Porcupine was spying on Mr. T. “I hate Eli the Elephant she is savage.” Said Don Señor Alonzo Antonio Joaquin José Louis Martín Banderas El Cortes-Torez y De La Vega de Cadiz the zup gee rapping mouse who was FAT.* He did not like Eli the Elephant and Mama Sao who where getting married.*

So he ate all their crayons, cauliflowers and chipmunks.*

 

One of the cauliflowers which was in Don Señor Alonzo Antonio Joaquin José Louis Martín Banderas El Cortes-Torez y De La Vega de Cadiz the zup gee rapping mouse who was FAT’s digestion tunnel said “What the…? A purple carrot with me.”*

“O that swim was… AAHHHH!” (He died)* Mr. P. Porcupine said “Yipee!”*

Mr. T said “I think it serves him right!”*

“I am awesome!”*

“What a cow!”*

“What a cow!”*

“Rattling radishes, that’s a cow!”*

“What a cow!”*

“Moo a cow!”*

“Yuck a cow!”*

“Yum a cow!”*

“Why kick a moo cow?!”*

“Because my crayons are demented and mutes!”* answered the cauliflowers that were in Don Señor Alonzo Antonio Joaquin José Louis Martín Banderas El Cortes-Torez y De La Vega de Cadiz the zup gee rapping mouse who was FAT’s digestion tunnel.

 

The next day Mr. T sang a bird dead and the whole island rumbled with great aroma.

 

A tree fell in front of a truck that swerved and killed Bob the Sack of Wool, the truck driver named Schnitz was so upset about killing Bob that he went home and bought a can of ‘Atomic Kitten’ and fed it chocolate.

 

After eating all that chocolate, Atomic Kitten was baying to the moon, she would have much preferred a corner of cheese.*

 

With all that baying to the moon, Atomic Kitten became an atomic missile and blew up with the heat.*

 

Jinkers had to open his own tummy up and rub it on a carpet, it hurt.*

The awesome carpet was ruined so they sent it back to base, in which it was sold to Schnitzel Van Krômpt-Häven Ein.

Schnitzel Van Krômpt-Häven Ein had his head in a cloud; this meant he could not see anything and walked straight into a fencepost and tripped into a dish of Butter Chicken.*

Then Schnitzel Van Krômpt-Häven Ein died from a leaf-blade while he was eating a signature.*

 

The signature then ate a crayon that he STOLE from an oblique pig that won it at the “BIG Lotto” in which the “BIG Lotto” guy got given the crayon by his great aunt twice removed who stole it from her ex-husband the chipmunk who was playing a game of solitaire with Mr. T, Lord Wolo of Wololand the pack-mule owner and a shoe.*

 

A try-hard un-awesome author witnessed the CRIME and respectfully did not report the CRIME.*

 

This author then went home, kicked his pet slug*, had a butter and Gucci leather toast sandwich, kicked his pet slug*, then went to bed.

The next morning the author woke up, kicked his pet slug* and had a visit from Bighairynose, the Homobighairynosian, he slammed the door in Bighairynose, the Homobighairynosian’s nose,* then he kicked his pet slug* and went to bed.*

 

That week Bighairynose, the Homobighairynosian went over the ground.*

 

Then a chocolate cake whistled.

 

John J. J. J. Johnson died. They buried him with a dead red chipmunk, a pink crayon, a yellow crayon and a leaf.

But a guy named Peter at the HCIO (Heaven Check-In Office)

did not let him pass the burglar alarmed gates with his colourful possessions.

So he dropped them back down, where a lonely boy made good use of the leaf and crayons while his boring mum cooked the chipmunk with paprika for breakfast.*

This boy was named Boy by his boring mum.

A dog bought Boy from his boring mum, (whose name so happened to be Boring Mum)* then this dog sold boy to the Awesome Sloth.*

 

The Awesome Sloth put his arm out.*

The Awesome Sloth put his other arm out.*

The Awesome Sloth put his other other arm out.*

The Awesome Sloth put me in a cage*¹

The Awesome Sloth gave some nobody his “Why kick a moo cow?”*

Dilby Bibs was not smart.* ¹¹¹….¹

He did stuff.*

 

(read following at speed, if the villagers can, so can you)

A school teacher walked over many other school teachers.*

Then he walked over many more school teachers.*

Then he walked over many more more school teachers.*

Then he gummed all the school teachers together with chewing gum.*

Then he made them into many huge chess pieces.*

Then the school teacher played chess with his students using the brandspankingnewgiantgummedupteacherchesspieces to teach his pupils strategic skills and controlnessness.*

One student fell asleep.

(If previous was read at speed take a 10 second breath)

A man cloaked in cloaks smiled at my archangel’s Speedos.*

He liked me because of my wart, so he bought my archangel’s Speedos, and then he bought my wart and removed it with his green designer sickle, he then stuck it to his pack-mule that he got from Lord Wolo of Wololand the pack-mule owner.*

 

He was perplexed at Bill’s paradigmatic perseverance of indefatigable sub-nautical prejudice.

(The villagers did not understands)

Bill then stole a dog that he made scoff two of the villagers.*

 

Then Bill listened to a tragedy:

Once upon a time in a beautiful castle everyone died.

Everybody did not live ever after.*¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹

 

Then Bill died from not hearing any complicated words.*

 

His dog then wandered the streets and became a millionaire.*
Then a nobody named “        ” fell up a leaf.

 

In Penelopodopotopococotocopotolopotopia a ballpoint pen died and the neighbours threw it out the window calling it “Nod”.*

Then Nod the ballpoint pen from Penelopodopotopococotocopotolopotopia “writed” its way to the solitaire game and died again.*

 

Seven, yes, seven, yes, seven, uha, seven, why of course, seven, yes absolutely seven, mmmhhhhh, really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really seven school children ate the latest craze “water”.

 

(the villagers would have cheered but fell asleep juring the really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really thing)

 

Bob pulled the leaver in “Buginstinkyshoetown”. (Poor Bob, no credit or applause: the villagers were still asleep)

 

Back at the solitaire game Mr.T was losing so he cunningly got the dead Nod the ballpoint pen from Penelopodopotopococotocopotolopotopia and tickled Lord Wolo of Wololand the pack-mule owner and shouted “œuf de la bœuf!!” then fell asleep.*

Then Lord Wolo of Wololand the pack-mule owner went to the Martini Bianco Library and bought a packet of “Brothey’s PIGgars” and threw them at the window.*

Then he got his noble steed named “Latrine the Pack-mule” and rode to a town named “Nowhere” where he was poked by Larry the Giant Mouse.*

He then sat on a stick.*

Then he put the stick in Latrine the Pack-mule’s nose saying it was important then died.*¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹

  

His body was then transferred by trucks to another town.*

This was a great feat for the citizens of Eville, they where sure to Lord Wolo of Wololand the pack-mule owner, they would make great tourism profits from the perfumed carcass of Lord Wolo of Wololand the pack-mule owner (containing approximately 51.572823542370976794986159197643690864335788994488474749039733669% perfume (Louis Vuitton for Men)*¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹ ¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹¹ (the villagers love Louis Vuitton)

END OF INTRODUCTION (the villagers went to get a coffee)

Reviews

[Bella-Marie]

That is dumbly amusing, and I find it rambling butoverall a joy to read.