Better Off

 

In Hell,

you said that the

fire was

all-consuming,

that the only

blooming

would be from the

flames purging sin

like ripping roots,

rooting

bulbs

into the ground.

 

I was told

that,

even still,

it was also

cold,

complimenting the

fire's fury in between

the spirit's frenzy

deep, deep

below the shuffling feet on

living streets where the living

live lifelessly

and scurry along like

ants on the beat.

 

Well it's not.

Neither furious flames,

nor vapid chills,

unlike either,

absent thrills.

No souls need apply,

where lonely

broken boys

lye amongst their toys,

their pens,

unfinished conversations,

their loneliness,

slow-beating heart...

dancing in ink,

bathing in midnight,

totally lifeless,

like bloating corpses

floating in moonlight

while winter withers

willow trees,

and hope,

and dreams.

 

My Hell,

thank you very much,

exists only in my mind,

my den,

this pen,

my aching spirit,

amputated and free...

so save your rote mythologies/

your bogus idealogies for

the next jerk-off,

at least he

still

has hope.

Reviews

[Lady Lazarus.]

My Hell,
thank you very much,
exists only in my mind,
my den,
this pen,
my aching spirit,
amputated and free...
so save your rote mythologies/
your bogus idealogies for
the next jerk-off,
at least he
still
has hope.

such a sad piece of work.
our minds and our time on earth is the hell we have to endure at times.
we can never escpae this cage til its too late and hopeful buffoons try and make us happy when really we can't be.
a thought provoking different and touching poem love.
genius.

[misskara]

i love it - you do amaze me. the dichotomy, the scattered rhymes and alliteration. but mostly - the hope and hopelessness of it.

"where the living
live lifelessly"

those lines me feel something - relate to it. not just reading a poem, seeing us all living like sheep - herding into cars and trains and jobs just to pay bills, but having no real LIFE. ok whoa! im so going off on a tangent! thank you for always traveling to the beat a different drum (cliche, i know - but you know what i mean...)

xo

[Jasmine Parker.]

whoa. this is good.

i like to think of that review as short and snappy, to the point. very 21st ccentury. i'm tired and a tiny bit strung out on adrenaline so that's all i'm going to put for now.
nice one, anyways x

[A Spectacular Case]

WOW. This is amazing.

"deep
below the shuffling feet on
living streets where the living
live lifelessly
and scurry along like
ants on the beat"

I love the rhythm of that.
You've done a great job.

[Rachel DeHart]

This sent chills through me, and raised goose bumps.
I adore these lines
"No souls need apply,
where lonely
broken boys
lye amongst their toys,
their pens,
unfinished conversations,
their loneliness,
slow-beating heart...
dancing in ink,
bathing in midnight,
totally lifeless,"

not to mention I find the layout strangely compelling and pulling. You've done a wonderful job.

[Katrina]

i like this in the way someone likes a disturbing moving but doesn't want to look directly at it. and i think every day is it's own hell, never quite the same, never quite different. do we ever actually escape? who knows. who cares. either way this was haunting and beautiful and thought-provoking.

xxx