the never ending story

here I write a story with terrible punctuation, ridiculous amount of tense changes and unnecessary aggressive CAPS:

“Long long ago there was a young man that sat atop a mountain , he lived there some nights, but never too long. Until one night, he decided to camp there forever.  Everyone around him-- his family his friends-- approached him with fear. Who on Earth?! would want to sit and stay there?

It wasn't long before someone else came up. To join him? Neigh- to spy on him I could say. Two men sat there with one another, on the opposite side but very obvious to the other man’s eye. They sat there with a lens to seek what was so appealing about this. I say nothing, oh dear GOD nothing. Let’s leave, one man said, and the other decided to stay.

Now two men atop this mountain, one for pleasure and the other out of curiosity. Now to the city, two men were weird, but became the second man was appealing and cool, so many others decided to join too. So, I guess now, the town all sat atop this mountain, with really no reason why, but because one man did, I guess the rest began to follow.

The story behind the one man’s tale to initially isolate from the others was this-- he decided to leave his town forever because he could NOT STAND the others! For those others that he lived around were so mesmerized by one another, only following those who received great honor, but never following those who seemed to think a bit more.

What was the point of LIFE he asked? When I continuously surround myself with talented a******s. Those who only do things for others, and who appeal to one another. They don’t know about life, do they? That life isn’t about living for others? That it’s about living for yourself first.. to appeal to yourSELF first.. to appreciate yourself FIRST.. before you do to others. So, that’s the reason he left the city, to come atop this mountain, so he could figure out what he appreciated about himself, what he understood and how he wanted to make his life.

But what happened then? Only then, when he left he was noticed, but really just hated. But then one man that everyone liked came to follow him, a bit creepy if you ask. So he was followed and spied for, and I guess it was alright at first. But I was selfish, yaknow? I just wanted to be alone. But as time went by, more and more people joined until he COULDN’T TAKE IT anymore. So there ya have it,

I moved back down right back to my own city. When I left, I heard a voice speak-- this time from a KID.. a new generation. He said to me, mister, you’re so weird for going down. No one else is there. I said, well yes I am, aren’t I, and left. That child was only young, never knowing his family once lived there, in fact, we all probably lived there. But I guess he would never know? Now I became the weird kid again, going back to my own town. And whatdya know-- that kid followed me here, right back to his very own home.”

- gramps, why did you tell me this story? It’s just going to repeat itself again.
- Well, thats because that story happened to me, kid.
- really? luckily that’s not the case now..
- i hope not, son.

 years later passed.

 - son, i want to tell you a story about the past.
- okay pa

 "Long long time ago…."

Author's Note

something similar to what my mom used to put me to bed a long time ago-- a never ending story.

Reviews

[xansizi]

As a historian i find this story interesting from the point of view that everything seems strange till someone in authority accepted it- anaesthesia, pasteurization, smallpox vaccination. I thought it was extremely apt. i liked the colloquial language as you could hear the speaker's thoughts

I agree that it wasn't always the easiest to follw becoause of the changes in both tense and perspective but, as a rough draft, i thouhgt it was good and I would be interested to see what changes you make in it

[Justin Robben]

Sort of like a modern day parable or something.
It was a tad difficult to read, I don't think it flows particularly well. And some improvement on word choices, grammar, etc could help.
But overall, it's a nice, poignant story about life's cyclical nature and our need to break free from the masses, both in body and spirit.
Not bad. This could be spruced up into something quite nice.

[Tenlights]

Reminds me of my own life i ran away in a way to find myself but the saddest thing happened not a single one person (friend from my old town) talked to me or asked why i moved or asked to come back or even talked to me unless i talked to them almost like they don't care about me and i had so many friends but now i'm alone i prefer being alone so i can become great but the hard part is hesitating and overthinking when you should be doing and getting things done without asking what's the point and never stopping until you are great then you can go back to all your friends years later and ask if they remember you i wonder what they'll say...