Change

It's all about pain, abandonment, sadness--it's all about the change.

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The world went on spinning, uncaring

And this little girl stood alone, shaking

People walked in and out like careless wanderers

Each faces were nothing but strangers

And this little girl shuddered, scared

'Cause she knew that no one cared

And life is a path of endless pain

Grief is what there is to gain

And it's hard to trust, to hope and to love

When those hardened hearts held no love

The world would always remain as it is

And loving is but an unreachable bliss

And yet she has learned to love at all cost

Though everything ended with but a bitter loss

And it's always the heart that breaks the most

And it's always the change that hurts the most

And so her mask has crumbled and faded

Revealing the innocence, now dead

And it's always the change that hurts the most. 

Author's Note

What do you think? It's a poem I wrote for my creative writing class, but I ended up not passing this. I have no idea why it turned out to be like this, but oh well... Tell me what you think of it. I'll appreciate any kind of feedback. ^___^

Reviews

[sunny]

I absolutely love it, its extremely relatable!

[MissJune]

This is so.... moving. The phrasing has made your point really strong, and you can't help but compare it to your own situation. Brilliant.

[Christina May Shanaberg]

I found this to be a wonderful read about the loss of innocence. At some point in our lives, we all have to make the change. Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't?!

[Cynthia]

I think its great! Why didn't it pass? It should! A very touching story, telling us a dark side of this world, and how the world seemed to be to the little girl. Its really sad but beautiful, I think the ending is great, it isn't weak, t just close this writing great!

[Jenny Nelson]

I find it very touching.

"And so her mask has crumbled and faded
Revealing the innocence, now dead"

So much that takes away innocence so early and so completely. Quite a sad situation. I thought it was a strong piece. Sometimes teachers, judges, reviewers just don't like or aren't comfortable with the theme of a piece and base opinion on that rather than "quality." And sometimes teachers don't get the message out as to what exactly they're looking for. You have to "get a feel" for what a teacher wants and expects. I thought it was a quite good piece and made a very valuable observation.

[Salvatore Buttaci]

I like the poem but I think the ending line is weak. Write something that doesn't rhyme or repeat, something memorable.

[.]

"And it's always the heart that breaks the most
And it's always the change that hurts the most"
~u really set a great/dour mood here, and the repetition
of the last line say so much on all different levels... :)
"And it's always the change that hurts the most. "
~~so-so real--wonderful poem :)

[Mauricio Montoya]

This piece is very deep I can visualize what she going through I like how this write come together great job

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

you make me feel the little girls sorrow .. i like this and wish you luck with the contest... sad but lovely writing
peace
Chloe

[Cody Wiggins]

I really liked it. kinda sad but not to sad that would make you cry but sad enough to care