The Necklace

Have you ever wanted something so badly? But never getting it? And then almost having it at the tips of your fingers? Only to find it come crashing down? Well that's how Coraline's life has turned to.

I had been watching her for some time. She never found out who I was. She died not knowing I loved her. That's how life is sometimes. The seasons change and so do we. Nothing stays the same.

She was my sun and moon even though I never got to see what it was like to have her love me back. I made it to where there was no way, she would find out I was watching her. I was writing her story down on tear-streaked paper. The ink was running out and so were my thoughts. I never did finish it, but I did enjoy the journey.

Maybe one day some one will come along and find this laying here below my bed. All the secrets and words of love written in it, moments no one would ever notice. Her whole life was in that little gray book, all torn and old, but filled with wisdom. Only the ones who fall in love truly would be able to read it. How did I know all this? That is the question that will never be answered, for as I write this I am dying. The clock is ringing telling me its time. The shadows are whispering my name. Everything is showing me I only have a few hours. Alas I shall pass this down to my generation, telling of a little girl all lost and growing into adult hood only to still have that child in her. Not being able to face the cruel nature of the world. The..

 

Coralline left the park, tears streaming down her pallid face. It began to rain, and the water soaked her clothes, causing her to shiver.

 

''There's nothing I can do,'' she whimpered quietly.

 

She clutched the diamond necklace, feeling its creases and remembering how it brought her here. What it was like in her years as a child.

 

Coralline never was happy when she had been growing up. That’s how it all started. Her parents were poor. It was hard enough to put food on the table, so she put on a smile and pretended that it didn’t bother her. She hated it deep inside when she had to come home and go to work for her parents friends just so they could have money to buy for her and her sisters. They were all the same age, so they shared each others clothes. Coralline got everything passed down and by then it was old and dull.

 

She longed to have something new. She wanted to be noticed by everyone.

Coralline wanted to have all those dresses in the glass windows she saw everyday walking home from school. They teased her, mocked her, and snickered at her ratty shoes and her dirty skirt. All filled with worn patches that were sewed time and time again. Bits of dusts permanently worn into the fabric of her clothes making her feel unwanted. Telling her she was never going to have them. The cute little rich girls in their frilly skirts walking around her, glancing down at her because she wasn’t like them. To have people walk past her and smile at her and tell her how beautiful she was. She became hard and cold into her adult years.  She tried even harder to become something in society. She wanted to live up to their standards and make them envy her.

 

She kept on walking and finally found an old black bench to sit on.

 

She stayed there letting her thoughts wonder to how she was so selfish and how angry her husband would be when she came home. If of course she told him. She thought of it, but he would look down at her and shake his head. He would want to know why she did it and then try to fix the problem. The way he thought was right. She started watching people walking by. All types of people scurrying along trying to get out of the pouring rain. She didn't mind getting wet. The rain calmed her shaken nerves. Guilt was still aching in her heart no matter what she did though. She looked to her right and then stopped for a moment.

 

She leaned forward to pick it up. Its blades slid by her fingers, sending an electric current sweeping through her body. Her heart was pounding and her soul was crying out for it to be done with, while her mind screamed no.

 

There it lay: a black knife with fancy red lines on it. It was glossy, despite the mucky weather. It was exquisite to her and she longed to reach out and have it. Her mind calculated that it would only take one second to do it. Her breath become ragged as she finally learned that her choice must be made now. Memories whisked in her head like a train on rail-road tracks.

 

 Her eyes shined brightly as she remembered her dark past, but also those sweet simple moments. She wanted that once more and she knew that would never come again if she did this. She took the knife and placed it at her chest. Her heart was pounding from the whispered word ‘’Mark’’, One whom she never truly loved.  Always having a cherry smile upon his face no matter what his days brought him.

 

Coralline remembered all those nights she spent sobbing quietly to her self. Trying not to wake her husband, Mark, for she didn’t want him to worry. He cared so much for her and would do anything for her. He thought she would do the same. He was wrong of course. He fell in love with someone he shouldn’t have. She had built up a wall and brain-washed him to see a loving and sweet person on the outside. On the inside she was evil and filled with hate. Coralline had never let him see her true colors. It was easier that way. He only loved what he saw through half-opened eyes. 

 

It was all coming back to her. Her mother Ella owned that little necklace and it was her whole world. She never took it off, but Coralline knew if she got that, then she would be able to go to that party and be the person she was inside for on night.

 

 She waited until her mother went to sleep and then took it off. Her mother was a heavy sleeper, so she would not get caught. She could remember hearing the wooden floor creak as her footsteps tip-toed through the hall way going to her mother's room. Her heart was beating ready to get this over with.

 

 Coralline went to her mother's bed and stared at her darkened neck. Ella was laying there her breathing going in and out with her honey-colored hair spread out all over her face. Her hand was clutching the white laced blanket and her eyes were closed tightly.

 

Coralline slowly reached out her hand and brushed her fingers against the necklace. She was testing her sleeping mother. There was no movement at all so she took one finger and grasped the necklace around her finger. Then she reached with her other hand and tried to find the clasp to un-hook it. She finally found it and slowly moved it away from Ella. She stopped for fear that her mother would wake and catch her, seconds ticked by and nothing happened. Coralline quietly walked away, trying to not pay attention to the gnawing guilt building inside her.  If only she would have known her mother was going to die that next morning. She would not have taken it and just had wallowed in self-pity. The necklace was her key to a fantasy world.

 

Her mind was like a dream with pictures. Showing her how much pain she’d been through having no money, being bitter and cold towards her life. Wanting more and never getting it. How she finally got a touch of her fantasy, but it all tumbled down into the rocks. Her heart pounded at going back to that dreadful time, all this from a necklace. It was the devil dancing inside of her and there was only way to get rid of it.

 

She shut her eyes as far as they could go from her mind going back to how she got the money to buy all those dreadfully nice things. Coralline had gone out and stole from her dear friend Clarissa. The girl never suspected her and she had waited in the early morning before the maid got up to do it. She figured out how to pick the lock with a small pen. Then she went to the chestnut colored  safe and stole the money. The safe was perched behind some boxes in the exquisite dining room. The colors were all vivid blues and pinks. The whole room smelled of a fresh lemon cake baking in the baker’s oven. Everything was divine end just so spotless. Not kind of rips and tears visible on the furniture.  Charisa never suspected that it was her and blamed it on the nasty criminals of our time. She had no idea that Coralline would do such a thing.

 

Her head was pounding as the next slide show played, the night of the party. Charisa was the one who invited her so she tried to tell her self it was her friend's fault even though deep inside she knew it was all her.

 

She kept her mind off everything by making herself look as beautiful as she could. It made her feel special knowing all eyes would be on her. She would see what it felt like to have men stare down at her and smile at her pretty little face. She made sure her curls dazzled brightly and smelled of fresh roses rising in the dawn of the morning. Each ringlet fitting perfectly against her heart-shaped face, her skin smelled of fresh strawberries moist and ready to be eaten, while her makeup glowed like a porcelain doll that a little girl would treasure in her early childhood years. Her dress was what shimmered above everything else. It was a snow colored white that glowed with every step she took. It was mixed with a glittery gray-blue color that merged splendidly. The dress fit her figure well and made her look as if she had been born perfect with no flaw visible on the outside.

 

She then saw the image of that man smiling at her and gesturing for her to dance with him.  She had studied him and found him quite handsome.

 

He was lean and most likely in his early thirties. He was clean cut with piercing green eyes that seemed to make your heart melt right then and there. His hair was made to perfection. Not a speck of dirt on his midnight-black suit. Coralline was drawn to him and for a moment she became that precious princess she had always dreamed of being. She let everything else she had known go away and he then became part of her.

 

 He went over to her and swept her in his arms. She could feel his arms slowly moving to and gently taking his finger and rubbing it against her skin. It made her skin tingle and made her long for him to touch her again. She had shivered in pleasure and leaned in to him.

 

Putting her thin arms around his neck and grasping tightly fearing the moment when it would be over. They swayed back and worth to the sweet hum of the music. He then had lifted her soft curls and put them to this face and closed his eyes a bit. He let go after a while and leaned closer to her. Their bodies were as close as they could be which made her heart swell up inside. He had looked into her eyes to see her reaction then brought his lips to hers. It was nothing like how she and Mark were. She could feel his breath breathing into her as his mouth opened a bit. She made a noise in the back of her throat and deepened it. His tongue was tracing over hers slowly at first, but getting faster.

 

He then whispered into her ear, ‘’Come on, I know somewhere quiet we can go,’’ with a slight growl in his voice. Coralline was frozen in place at that.

 

 She couldn’t speak words and he grabbed her arm. His nails were digging into her flesh. Coralline started to try to wriggle out of his grasp, but he was so much stronger than her. She was finally able to get one arm out of his embrace. She then swung her fist at his face causing him to stumble in surprise.  That was her chance to run away, so she bolted out of the room and ran out the door into the freezing night.

 

She couldn't take remembering all that over again so she covered her eyes and let out a horrid scream to try to calm her mind. Her scream rang in her ears and then was drowned out by a sudden clap of thunder echoing all around. She jumped a little at it and tried to catch her breath. It wasn't working and each minute of her life was torture for Coralline. She couldn't handle it any longer. It was if someone had taken a knife and stabbed her, but kept repeating it to make her suffer even more. Not caring one bit about her life. Coralline had to make it end or she was going to lose it.

 

Coralline watched the rain drops drip off of her and onto the knife. She put it closer and slowly pushed it into her skin. She thrust it forward and then there was a sharp pain in her chest. Coralline could feel the blood soaking her body, the rush of pain controlling her and the breaths heaving in and out. She dropped down on her knees and tried to catch her breath. It was no use. The pain was unbearable, but she knew it would all be over very soon. She could feel her head pounding violently. It was going faster like the beat of a drum swishing this way and that. Her body was starting to slowly turn it self off and get colder. It felt as if she was in a cold winter’s night everything was so fuzzy, but she tried to grab the necklace off of her neck and hold it. Her arms were losing their fight and it was no use.  Coralline’s eyes were dropping and the ache was going away. With one final bit of strength she grabbed hold of the necklace.

 

Then she closed her eyes and went back to the place that was her home. The dwelling of all the lost souls and a place of bitter nights and hot, scorching mornings is what she saw. She lived her life, so now she had to pay the price. She was back at her grave place under the roots of the soil in a place where the evil ones go. Together they stand and wait until thee turn comes. To go back and change their paths they committed before the dawn of the ghosts rise up. To steal the soul of all the ones who caused the hardships in the first place. It's her fault and many others, but maybe if she would have been on the good side maybe things would have turned out differently.

Author's Note

Well this is a ROUGH draft so I want honest feedback and you can say anything. If you hate it say so. I need to know.

Reviews

[Courtney]

This is really good, very beautiful. It started out REALLY well, and kind of went off on its own. Follow what 'Rebecca' said on her review, I read it and it pretty much sums up what I have to say.
Other than that, keep up the writing, I loved it!
luvleeloox {:

[Rebecca]

I understand this is a rough draft. However, I must say it was more of a jotting down of ideas than a story-line. The plot was disjointed in many places, breaking off and moving on without explanation. The narrator seems to be oblivious to any sort of audience. An unsympathetic narrator is the worst kind. The grammar is not bad, exactly, but there are definitely things that need to be touched upon. Misplaced commas, etc. The actual story is pretty interesting, and if this had been better written, I would have thoroughly enjoyed this reading. Maybe I'll look back into it after you've finished it. (: For now, work on grammar, style, and weaving the story together to create a coherent image for the reader.

[Numb]

That was amazing! I'm glad you asked me to read it, and I'm glad I said yes.
Very good imagery, you told Coralline's story very well. A chillingly-yet-beautiful tale, one which once you start you cannot stop until you finish. Very good.


~N~

[Coyote Poetry]

The story was outstanding. You create a character and the description in your words made her come alive. To be poor and have little is a hard situation to be in. It can make you appreciate the things you have or have a hunger to have more and more. I like the flow of the story. Some people can hide secrets and pain for their entire life and one day blow out their brains. A excellent story. You held my attention to the last word.
Coyote

[SJ]

I really enjoyed it, a good piece :)

Keep writing

[EverEmma]

Personally, I found the font very small and difficult to read. I got lost a few times but I contribute that to the font as well. But depsite that it is beautiful and haunting. A little rough in a few places but has some major potential. Wonderful piece, truly stunning.

----EverEmma-----

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Kelly M,

Thank you for letting me know this is a rough draft. So you know you will need to edit and that is half the battle. Just reshaping sentences getting them to blend. When you come out of the flash back maybe remind us its raining and that will help close out the flash back....sisters being close in age not the same age....

The mother dying the next morning...maybe instead of next morning over time over the guilt that She lost the necklace or just the lose eventually killed her int he eyes of the girl...just suggestions as I read. This maybe just me but more detail about taking the necklace...the scenerio..more on the emotions of getting caught...more on the guilt ripping into her. Just suggestions for a rough draft remember...this is yours and how you like it and want to write it should be yours...I am just throwing out suggestions to help flow your own thoughts...some people on here don't get that as you will find out...

I could do without the safe scene...don't think it adds much...kinda weird fit. More detail of what happened to her and the guy, that seems to be a major plot point. I know you explained it off for her not wanting to remember but the readers should atleast see more of what occured.

Another Suggestion, would be having the mother kill herself over the Lose of the necklace...this will help further show the draw to the ownership of the necklace.

An excellent story overall with mass potential I am really looking forward to see how this story developes till it is completely finished so please keep me in the loop.

Always and very suggesting.

Matthew

[Jess Quna]

It was an easy read for me,
For me it was clear at which moments you went back in time,
I didn't have to reread anything.
I hope you keep on writing
and that you can polish your stories,
until you have them precisely as YOU want,
After all,
a writer is supposed to put his or her thoughts on paper
and not the thoughts they think that others may like...
But seeing this story,
I doubt it would be a problem for you to please both yourself and others.
Greetings

Sarah

[Sweets]

It reminds me of "The necklace" (an old story written by Guy de Maupassant)

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

As a rough draft for a story this has quite a bit of promise and is definitely worth polishing up into a complete piece.

Liguistically I don't really see any major problems here. You make good use of language and it is generally easy to read. There are one or two awkward phrases that sneak in such as when she first sees the knife but as it is described as "it" from the outset and there's a reference to "blades" plural: this creates an element of confusion over what she's actually picked up. Generally though your descriptions are clear and you make effective use of common literary techniques (metaphors, similies, personificiation etc.)

Structurally I found some of the story a little disjointed as it was not immediately apparent when she was recalling past memories. In books we get so accustomed to the subtle hints of time passing between paragraphs that we sometimes make the assumption that when the scene changes rapidly we are always going forward, rather than backward in time. A few subtle hints are all that's really required to fix this and remove any doubts in the readers mind.

Generally I'd say this is an interesting piece and a successful first draft that would benefit from some fine tuning.