Outside Eyes

Outside eyes.

 

I feel like I'm looking in through a window, watching the drama unfold as if it were a tv show or something like that. It makes me feel a bit sick to think of it this way but its the only way I cant identify it to make others understand.

 

Jordan Trowsdale, a 13year old boy, was found dead in the River Stort on Boxing Day 2009. I know some of Jordan's closest friends. I watch them knowing that all I can do is be there to offer support and try and help them through this as best I can. I can hear the pain in their voices's, see it reflecting in their eyes, all the while knowing that there is nothing that I can do that will help all that much.

 

Everyone rallied around. Sorting out ways to honour Jordan's memory. On the 30th of December, despite the freezing cold and horrid rain, we lit candles in Jordan's memory and set them sailing down the river. I don't think I've ever seen such a heart-breaking sight. There were hundreds of people there, most of them not even 16years old, mourning the death of their 13year old friend who was taken away from them on Christmas Eve. I was there. I stood with everyone, lit some candles and set them down the river. As they went away, I whispered "thank you" into the darkness. I was thanking Jordan for being so amazing to all the people who knew him for his short time on this planet.  

There were TV cameras there. I was shown on the news along with the other people there. I hated the fact I was shown. I really had no right to be there, I hadn't known Jordan. I was there to support people I was close to who were also close to Jordan. I had just been there for support.

 

Gigs are being played in Jordan's name, to celebrate Jordan's love of music. He loved SlipKnot the most. Snuff was his favourite song by them. It was played at his memorial service. Apparently it caused people to cry.

Poems are being placed on plaques around the river, in his memory. There will always be something to make sure that Jordan is remembered by everyone.

 

I'm still watching through that window, watching all those people slowly try and regain some form of normality in the absense of their friend. I wish I could find a way to make everything easier for them all, to take the pain away. I know there isn't but I can still wish can't I?

I know what it's like to be in their position though. I know how difficult it is to keep going when all you want is to curl up in a ball and wish it all to be a bad dream. You have to go back to taking little steps, taking each minute as it comes at you, dealing with it the best you can until you find enough time to process everything and reach a way to cope.

 

I will be there for them all. I will help in whatever ways I can.

I will be one person out of many who will fight to keep Jordan's memory alive.