The Final Blow

It's about a writer who kills the main character of something...

Chalk dust scatters in my breathes

Rain pours lightly from my brow

Pen ink bleeding from your wounds

Your paper heart being crushed in my fist

Your shallow gasps of air as I draw in a sky in Azura's eyes

The final battle with a beast, a monster?

It's slayer lying beside it's corpse

And I push the sword in deep into your dying body

For who truly gives their creations

Immortality?  

Author's Note

Err...be nice?

Reviews

[Hannah]

Nice Ells ^-^
I like the ink blood and paper heart combination.
And I'm just gonna go ahead and be a Buffy geek. This reminds me of when Buffy killed Angel at the end of series two... Might've been the word "slayer"...
And liking the emphasis on "immortality", very nice.
Bet you can't guess who this is :3

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

short but powerfull. i like it and want it to be longer but there is a possibility that that would ruin it. i thinink you should omitt the word "in" in the sentance

And I push the sword in deep into your dying body

so that it reads

And I push the sword deep into your dying body

I just think it would flow better great job

[Libby McKeown]

I liked this. . .a lot. It's one of those poems that kind of creeps up on you, then once you're too close, it grabs you! I do have some suggestions. Breathes should be breaths. And the archaic construction of beginning a question with "for" needs some revising. Maybe just lose the "for" altogether? A mere suggestion. Thanks for sharing!

[Levioshock]

This is very good

[Zapster]

Took me a second read to understand this but anyways good job. There is more room for improvement, but you got your point across in a poetic way with good imagery with great success. You are really good for a new writer on here. Keep it up and don't give up.

[southernlady]

Hi I'm new to, I liked it!! has great style and very different from my own, would like to see more of your poems.