The Colour of Strangers --01--

Teenage pregnancies don't just go away...

 

I am Prussian Blue.
I am a dark colour, almost black. Broken and cold.

x

Kayleigh used to be beautiful. She always used to have a smile on her face, always a faint flush on her cheeks. There would bea glimmer in her eyes that said, we're about to have some fun. And we had, me and her. We used to have so much fun.

Our relationship was never serious; at least, it wasn't meant to be. There was never any whisperings of love or sentimental gifts. What we had wasn't anything close to Dangerous Liaisons. There was no epistolary romance. What Kayleigh and I had, though, was a sort of whimsical romance. We were caught up in those passionate moments; it was always excitement or rage with us.

Then it just became disaster.

When Kayleigh called me late one night, saying we needed to talk, I thought we were just going to go through one of the many breakups that we always did. But when I picked her up, she was like death. She was cold and pale and shaking. I remember that the most. She was shaking so much. Kayleigh never shook, was never nervous. I remember wanting to just hold her, to stop her from shaking so goddamn much.

Then she told me. It was like a moment on a show. Time just froze for me, and everything was cold. A second ago, I wanted to hold Kayleigh. Now, I wanted her as far from me as possible.

Kayleigh was pregnant.

Pregnant.

It didn't seem conceivable. My girlfriend was pregnant with my baby.

We talked it over. Kayleigh was going to have an abortion; we decided that together. I told her I'd take her to the clinic, but she wouldn't let me go in with her. So I waited. I waited... and waited... and what seemed like moments later, she was there, in front of me. 'That didn't take very long', I said to her.

That's because it hadn't.

'I couldn't go through with it', she'd said. 'I just kept seeing that baby inside, so small, and I couldn't hurt it, Josh.'

So here I am now, a father. I have my son, Michael, and I know I should say that I wouldn't trade him for the world. But I would. I can't lie about it; becoming a father ruined my life. I lost my scholarship, my parent's trust, and even my friends dropped out of my life. My whole life now is Kayleigh and Michael.

And I lost the real Kayleigh a long time ago.

Kayleigh now is sullen, quiet. Even Michael can't cheer her up, and that kid normally can't stop talking. She's pale and distant, and I can't remember the last time we did anything between the sheets.

I've lost Kayleigh.

I've lost my life.

Prussian blue - German blue - it fits, doesn't it?

Author's Note

Anything that needs fixing? Is it boring? Tell me anything.