The Divide ...

Four walls. And I within.

Bereft of my life,

My soul torn and tattered from

Endless inner strife.

 

Harrowed by the ghosts of Time-

Of Present and stormy Past,

I've surrendered to my lesser self,

In inferiority cast.

 

Let Sleep pacify me tonight,

If She can

Bring dreams back to the arid mind

Of a broken man.

 

Somebody remarks:

"Disappear, will you?"

 

 

 

Yes ...

Disappear I will,

Into the woods misty and the shadows still,

Far from the realm of beings superior

With selves ambiguous and motives unclear ...

 

Into oblivion will I fade ...

 

Reviews

[joshua rainbird]

There are switches within the poem between passive and active roles from the narrotor which indicate that he is as much ambiguous as the superior beings from which he wishes to escape. I am uncertain as to whether he is dying or whether he is hoping to sleep.

In the second stanza the 'In inferiority' reads like a stutter; the first 'in' could be dispensed with if this is unintentional.

In the third stanza, I think if the word 'if' was omitted then it would become a definite statement about sleep's power, however, in the wider context of the poem it would still be read with doubt as if the narrator is trying to convince himself. I think the last line of this stanza is unnecessary and cliche.

In the last line I have my doubts about the word 'oblivion'. It's a tricky word - although the dictionary will specify it is as meaning forgetfulness, it's secular meaning has become synonymous with annihilation, it therefore conveys a sense of finality. The other problem is that it can also mean a pardon or excuse. And so for me it's questionable whether it's something you can fade into, as oblivion evokes a suddenness. That said, I live in Britain and this may be a local interpretation that is not shared elsewhere.

Personal taste: in the third line of the last stanza I would omit the words 'the'.

The 'will I fade' echoes the earlier question and softens the 'Disappear I will' of the opening of the last stanza.

Generally the poem is a curiosity to me, it starts with the harshness of strife and by the end succumbs to a void. It's bleak and yet comforting. An interesting and challenging concept for me to grasp, but nonetheless worthwhile.

Best wishes
josh

[Shalini R]

i like where this travels
from reality to dreams
theres a lot happening here, cool write

[Sianna Reader]

This poem holds an emptiness. It's full of anguish and sorrow and you can feel it in every word. It's an amazing poem. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you xxxxx

Sianna

When you have the time please read my poem 'The Fallen Hero' it's kind of like yours but written from my own point of view. It's also not ask dark. Thank you again xxx

[Damien Dsoul]

This sure fels like the poem of a broken man: his inner struggle so bogged down by the swirling ambuiguities of life. The tone is that of a man who's seen too much, felt too much and in the end has been given way too much pain, it's mosr like he's cradling his cross all the way towards Golgatha.

Watch him fade into oblivion. The end for him.

[Candle in the wind]

You represent the anguish of inner strife with great vividness and poignancy.