When Holding A Phone

When I am holding a phone, I wish for someone to call me or text me. Waiting for him to chase, but I know he will not. I might seem desperate, but knowing him, he would not ever dare to make the the first step. While I, waiting for him to approach me, I have given up. Yet I am the one who want to forgive myself. I still have his mental image stuck in my head, his eye brows and his highlights on his brown auburn hair. In a way, it looks kinda adorable, but he would always be looking out for someone better then me. I always forgive other, but yet I don't dare to take a stand for myself. If I do I know a good outcome would never dare to approach me. Gripping the phone, I know I already deleted his cell phone number, but why does it remind me of what I want. What I want? I'm basically writing this out of fun, so why must I write myself confessions. Throwing the phone back on to the desk, I know there was no need to remind myself of such jerks. I am mostly taken advantage, knowing this I am still taken advantage of due to my forgiving personality.

Yet, knowing this why did I change my phone number? The girl who I gave my phone number to, if I had changed it would she forgive me? Am I to be remind of my own greed? I made her wait, and if I changed my number what are my consequences? To never see her again? I'm sick of it, why do I always torcher myself to continue. Do you know how it feels? The way a knife would stab my own heart due to a break up over a friendship? All i knew was, I had to get away. It hurt a lot more then usual, this is why I want to find her number, but I don't dare to reach her again. It freaks me out, the way everything revolves with society today. My phone? Why do I need it? Just so I can contact him or her? No it doesn't mean that, it means I'm just another person that is influenced by the people around me. The phone, I wish to throw it away, but If I do I know the chances of them ever coming back would only hurt me.

Author's Note

This is completely revolving around my own thought process.