What I Think About Casual

Top Ten Question I Ask Myself


1) Have I Ever Had An Intimate Kiss?
No because I'm still a hormonal teenager that probably won't ever get her first kiss. I wonder how it feels, but I know my first kiss would never bee really intimate no one likes me. People say I'm adorable, but I know I'm not.

2) Do I Still Miss You?
I do, I miss you a lot. I really miss a lot of people. Names won't be given, but I miss a lot of people I have barely any memories of. Sure, I have had crushes here and there, but I miss all of you. Even though I went through pain, who wouldn't want to miss out the adventure of life.

3) Who Do I Want To See At The Moment?
Currently, I want to see my best friend. I'm always afraid of losing her, but perhaps I did since she doesn't speak to me anymore. My latest crush? No, he is just another player, hanging out with the pretty Asians, but too bad I don't really want him to be the one I end up in the end, since he is shorter then me. That guy who had hurt me? I really want to see him, but between us, I don't really think we would ever make it. Just imagining his spitting image, it make me delighted with a smile on his face, but I'm not going to ever beg him to come back.

4) Should I Care?
I ask myself this question a lot, I have seen my friends get hurt, but I can't take pity on them. I almost cried for one, but I know I shouldn't. Even though she cried, I couldn't help, but tear up for her. I feel as if I shouldn't care, but I'm always unsure If I should. To me, I think I should care to a certain extent, but if I pity a person, they would never strengthen. Whenever somebody say something, I can't help to respond, but I wonder if I should really shut up and not give a damn about it. My opinion won't be heard, but then I ask myself if I weren't to care my opinion wouldn't be heard and that mean I would only forget what I once wanted to say, missing out on life as much as possible.

5) Who Is My Best Friend Or Just A Friend?
I debate this question over and over, who can I consider my best friend? Sure, Sierra might have known me for a minority amount then this girl I have hung out since 5th grade. I tell Sierra everything, but I feel as if I'm restricted a limited amount of my opinion when I talk to my friend, I should call her girl 2. Sierra has always known about my opinions, since I love ranting, but when I speak to girl 2, I know I can't tell her everything because I would only be adding to her stress. I don't know what to say to her sometimes, but when I'm with Sierra, everything comes out. Even though I know a lot about Sierra, I had never actually known all her secret, can I even be consider a best friend? I don't even know who considers me their best friend, I have always heard this girl in my class consider the person next to her, her best friend, but who can I consider it. They tell each other everything, but I don't even know if Sierra tells me everything.

6) Fake Or Real?
I don't know when something is real or not, I'm unsure of many things. I always feel like life is one whole big dream, one day I will wake up from this dream, but I could never be so sure. I feel like I'm miss out on a lot of things even the thoughts are scary, I always feel as if something would happen to me. Whenever I'm with friend, I doubt some of them even consider me friend, but rather acquaintances then friends. I know I wouldn't be with them after high school, but sometimes I just hope that we would keep in contact even though it  sounds impossible. People say I sound different online, but I'm not sure. How do people view me? I'm unsure about a lot of things, but I just don't know what I would do with Sierra.  I just hope that my relationship with Sierra is real, because I don't know what is real or fake anymore. There might be facts, but is it real? I understand there are compounds, but is any of this real or is just it just made up from other lies that people come up with. Who created all these things and why should we believe it? All of the facts come from other people's head, but I don't even know if I can trust it to be real.

7) Why Are We All Waiting For Death?
I know job, school, life in general, we are all waiting for death to approach. I know we are all scared to die, admit it. We are all waiting, why are you doing a job? Just to make your life enjoyable before you die, just to preoccupy yourself so you would die. These game that you play, why are you exactly playing them? Just so you can pass time? We are all generally waiting for death, even when you're having fun. So why exactly are we waiting for death? I'm writing this about myself because I know we can't escape it.

8) What Is The Future Expecting For Me?
I don't know what it holds, but I wish to find out even if it is in fact frightening. I know not all future will be great and have prosperity, but what will be in stored for me. New Yorkers knows that everything is rising, many college student can't pay college loans. It seems as if the cycle has in fact been repeating itself. I know in the end we are all waiting for death, but what exactly am I going to do. 

9) Who Exactly Loves Me?
I don't mean it in a family way, but who exactly loves me. I know I'm just a hormonal teenager, wishing to be loved. I have crushed here and there, but I love to deny them in the beginning. I write stories on this fantasy, but will I ever experience. I know what I am saying doesn't make sense, but I have never felt the passion that I would need to say. Who loves me? I know there are probably many guys out there for me, but will there ever be the one where I can drop off everything other then my best friend just to be with?

10) Does Anybody Really Understands Me?
Tons of people don't even understand. Everything seem so complicated lately, I don't even know why I am writing this, maybe just for the fun. Nobody really understands me, I know I have my own emotions. Everybody expects thing from here and there, but no one understands me, sometimes not even myself. My best friend could understand my experience, but do they really understand me? No, right.