Payphone

a songfic

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

All of my change I spent on you

“Elizabeth, where the hell are you?" Sitting on the bed, I threw the cell phone across the bed. The uneasiness had begun to travel my body, as it spread its venom across my body. Spamming your phone continuously with messages and calls, I could feel sick as it unsettles all of my aching body. Please leave a message after the beep. I need you right now so tell me where I can find you; if I could leave you a message, would you read it right now? Where the hell are you, Elizabeth?

Harshly, I pressed my lips together and bit the lower. I needed the sense of reality now. Irritation was brewing everywhere, I've been searching for you the entire day. "Elizabeth!" I screamed your name, as I slammed myself against the thin cardboard walls behind the bed. It felt like s**t. Holding a silver ring in my hand, I had to give it to you because this was the only way to save us. This was us, wasn’t it?

Banging my head on the wall, I need this forgiveness from you. I hunger your love more than anyone. Right now, I could only cringed at the sight of the broken picture frame of us. Looking around, I could see items smashed on the floor. Lamps, picture frames, and book all ripped and torn up on the floor from our fights.

"Please, forgive me. I'll fix it." clasping my hands together, I placed them on my forehead. As if I was praying to an invisible god, I begged to see you. "I just wanted to give you happiness, Elizabeth."

Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

Where are the plans we made for two?

I couldn't give up.

Looking around, I began to scorch the room for the phone that was thrown away. As I felt my hands pressed against the cold metallic item, I felt nothing but agony. Placing the phone next to my ears, I prayed for us with each little beep. A small plundering was following behind. Please pick up, Elizabeth. I was stupid and forgot what was important, but you need to forgive me Elizabeth.

I can't live without you, realize that, Elizabeth. Looking at the broken picture frame of us again, I could see both of us smiling with happiness. I need that feeling. No, I longed that feeling; it breathed warmth into each section of my body. But this broken apartment, brought loneliness ever since we entered this section. Curling myself together, I wish that warmth between us could still be felt. 

The phone just felt empty, but I’m seek you desperately.

Standing up, tears sped down my checks. It wasn't a matter of pride anymore; it was just you and me now. I needed to find you. Elizabeth, where are you? I could feel my lips bleeding, but nothing compared to the urges of find you. The emptiness left here was almost unbarring. I need the emptiness gone. Opening the door, I left the house and ran out. The ring still in the grasp of my hands, I couldn't let go of it.

Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember,

The people we used to be...

It's even harder to picture,

That you're not here next to me.

Shuffling from here and there, I could remember that last phone call you gave me.

You said you were sick and tired of these arguments we had. You said I've changed, but you just wanted the man that would suit you best. The one that was always there for you and the one you saw that smiled with you.

"We are over," I heard you say. Your voice cracked with each echo of your voice, while mine only stumbled to shake like a pathetic loser. You weren't looking for a looser; you were looking for the man that once stood by you. That's when I know I needed to find you. I tried my best to become a man worthy for you. It came to the point where I forgot who I was.

Reality was cruel; our teenager years were obliterated in the real world. Your voice rang wildly in my head, as my heart threatened itself to break out of my chest. I felt as if you were chipping at my heart slowly. The thoughts, our memories, could make a man run wild.

Getting in the car, my heart didn't ease at all; it made me hunger for you.

Driving away in the constricted automobile, I tried to find you in every corner that we spent countless days together. Even the obvious places, where you would never be, was as if I was joking to myself and deceiving myself. Elizabeth, you ravaged my head for now. I don’t even know if I’m driving correctly.

Every thought led back to you, I stood no chance to fight back. This never ending anxious feeling, I was so afraid I would never find you ever again. My heart aggressively beat against my chest, it pained me; it was as if I was being ripping apart on the inside. I needed to find you right now, you're the only who can't give up on me yet. We promised to be together, so come back.

flashback

 

"Adrian," Elizabeth spoke, as she brim bright red with confusion. The refreshing heat of the summer air consumed us as teenagers. I could feel my own heartbeat race, as we never settled for something less than a duel. "Yes, Elizabeth?" I looked at her, as I made that cheerful smile to delude her. She sits right in front of me as he made that cute pout; it was obvious that the brunette was troubled. Elizabeth just sat their deep into thought, as I would watch her.

"I like you, Adrian," she chuckled.

Soon Adrian regains conscious, as he thought about what she had just said. Her eyes looked at me, as she tried to play if off as joke. It was obvious she was afraid of the change in the relation. I just chuckled, as her face brightens red; she backs away for a sign of rejection. "I like you too, Elizabeth." I smile. With that, we both looked into each other with a tender expression.

It didn't need to be told twice.

Suddenly, my stomach tightens as I approached her. I grabbed her shoulder till she fell on the ground. Dragging my body to lean on top of her, I attached my lips to hers without hesitation. This was the greater sensation than I ever could imagined. I could feel my stomach tightened, as my skin begins to flush. Her eyes looked at mine for a sign. We were greedy.

I was nervous, as we both experimented. Slowly I began to suck on her lower lips, as I thought our kiss looked rather messy. Later our tongue shyly entangled against each other; it was both our first real kiss, but with it shook our purity. Soon we both seek air; both of us took deep breath as neither of us dared to break glances from each of other.

"Truth is Eliz, I love you," I pulled her into an embraced.

It lingered through the bitterness.

End of Flashback 

 

Precious memory led back to our younger days. What if what I’ve been doing all that was hurting you. I love Elizabeth, but you said I changed. I thought you had accepted me for who I was.

You say it's too late to make it,

But is it too late to try?

And in our time that you wasted

All of our bridges burned down

Lips pressed together tightly compressed, as my heart raced to find you once again. I could remember each argument we had; I thought we were soul mates. I just wanted the best for us. I wanted to think about our happiness in the future, I wanted to make it our future something worth striving for. I thought you knew what I was trying to work for and why. I could remember the crashing lamps, as I pushed you down on to the bed just take you greedily and have you for myself. I just wanted to be with you, make you happy, proud, and loved. Picking up the phone, I tried to dial your number. As cars flew by, the world almost seemed black and white.

Once again, I found the ring in my hand as I held on to it tightly for hope. Then the phone just led me to voice mail.

Making a sigh, hopefully, she gets this. "Elizabeth," my eyes lowered. As my voice faded, I was unsure of what to say next. Yet, I didn't have time for that.

"I'm sorry, where are you? I need to talk you before you finally decide to leave me for good. I gotta make it straight. I love you, Eliz. More than anyone else, I love you Elizabeth, please come home." I took a deep breath before shutting the phone back off. Wandering around driving, it made one feel sick to the bone. I wanted to puke; it was like being trapped in an elevator for hours.

Looking back at the phone, I could feel a sense of loss. Will she pick up or would she put me down for good? Stopping by the side walk, I could feel tears dwelling. As I continuously clenched my fist and hit the controller's handles, it felt eerily sickening. I felt so loss without her. "Elizabeth," I muttered. I couldn't continue anymore. I was tired, but somewhere deep inside I just felt the urge to keep going, Elizabeth.

I sat at the driver's seat for a while.

I've wasted my nights,

You turned out the lights

Now I'm paralyzed,

Still stuck in that time,

When we called it love,

But even the sun sets in paradise

Lying there for a while, I was too tired to move anymore. Suddenly the phone rings, and the caller ID was Elizabeth.

In a rush, I quickly grabbed my phone and hurried to pick it up. I didn't want to miss this call.

"Elizabeth," I practically screamed into my phone. "Oh hey," She tried to play it cool. "I got your voice mail, meet me back at the airport," I could hear that her voices; she was in discomfort. Only I knew her enough to tell that he was in trouble again. "Elizabeth, I love you." I muttered into the phone, as I could hear a pause in her. The sound of the breathing made me want to cringe. "Bye," she said as he hung up afterwards. Taking a deep breath, I knew I had to get things straight with Elizabeth. As I tightened my grip on the silver ring, I never felt so frighten with my heart pounding against my chest. Maybe we could be together. Turning the car back on, I could feel myself heading towards the airport.

Even as time tick, my heart didn't cease to ease. Everything we were, was I too late to turn back time? I could even fill my heart sink with the disappointment in the memory of your voice.

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

All of my change I spent on you

Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

Where are the plans we made for two?

Time was ticking; I was heading into the area that was secluded. I knew this was Elizabeth's last chance. Devastation, was that your last hit on me? Driving all the way to the front entrance of the airport, I didn't give a f**k about a ticket or charges. If there was a choice of you over money, you came first. Did it matter about money to me? No, Elizabeth, I was just trying to make you happy, that is why I changed. Changing to try and bring us happiness. Tapping in your number, I knew you wouldn't pick up, your last test to me. Would I make you mine or would it be the last time we see each other? Pressing your number, I looked at all the flight boarding. Knowing you, you would rush in a hurry just to get away from me.

Eyes setting on each gate to a different airline, I remember how we left our family just for the two of us. You decide it was best to leave your family, while I decided to support your decision. Memories of me holding you, loving you, having you, were filling my head. Elizabeth, do you love me still or are you going to leave me?

Will you just abandon us?

It was painful thinking about how my life would be without you. Trying to click your number, I ran everywhere to search you. My main priority was to make you realize how important you are to me. Remember the last fight we had, I could still see your face trailing with tears. All I did was open the door so you would have time for us. I couldn't stand leaving you, I love you, Elizabeth. So please, let me find you. I'm sorry.

If "Happy Ever After" did exist,

I would still be holding you like this

All those fairy tales are full of s**t

One more f*****g love song, I'll be sick.

Those sweet nights we had, before we had to grow up. Those nights were I held you till sunrise, we had the world together. Even when we had nothing, we were happy, but growing up to test the difference between us. Just give me one chance Elizabeth. Pressing my lips together, I needed to find you. Don't ruin it, these years that passed by, it pained me that I was even hurting you. These years, don't forget every emotion that you embed inside of me. I wanted to give you everything, don't throw everything away.

Run

Time was ticking, arriving to each station; I could feel my heart beating. Time was ticking; I had to see her one last time. My only was desire to reach you next, f**k, don't you dare leave before I could tell you what you meant to me? Elizabeth, you don't know. Heading to the announcement center, I knew this was the only place I could ever have a chance to find you without being late.

Confession? No, I need this; it wasn't a onetime thing. Without you, it like a world had collapse for me. Elizabeth, wait up for me. Don't leave without just say anything. Don't give up everything just for my one mistake, forget what you really needed. If it was just us everything would be okay, didn't you say that? If you leave me now, let me wait for you at least. Don't just leave without a word; I don't think there is anyone that can replace you.

"Elizabeth," I kicked the door open for the announcement center.

Oh, you turned your back on tomorrow

'Cause you forgot yesterday.

I gave you my love to borrow,

But you just gave it away.

Elizabeth? What is it you truly desire? Taking the microphone from the employers, I could feel my heart being ripped as the employees pulled me away from you as they tried to drag me away. Pressing the button on the bottom of the microphone, I was on. No matter how much the tugged and pull, I couldn't stop. "Elizabeth, I love you, forgive me," I screamed into the microphone. The guards tried to pull me away, but I could feel my eyes burn with rage to see you. Struggling to move away from them, "Elizabeth, don't you dare let me down, don't you even forget all those years we had together." I struggle to break from their grasp. In the end, I could feel my strength draining, my body rages to get away, but I broke down.

My body would no longer move as I wanted it to.

Elizabeth, please hear out my message. For god sake, I love you. Looking at door, I could imagine you bursting inside of here. Marks appeared on my arms due to the grip of the guards, but it wasn't enough. The pain I felt of hurting you, it was tearing me up slowly inside. Pressing my lips, I continued to bite on it to feel consciousness. I needed to feel the pain to remind this is reality, to remind me if I'm losing you it would truly be the end between us. Hitting rock bottom, I've broke down to somewhere distant.

Be home, Elizabeth.

You can't expect me to be fine,

I don't expect you to care

I know I've said it before,

But all of our bridges burned down

Waking up, I could see how I was at the hospital. Looking to my side, I expected to find you there in tears while rubbing your eyes, but you weren't even there for me. That meant you left, didn't you. Feeling my phone by my side, I wanted to call her. I need to hear her voice, I wanted to find you, and I wanted to be with you for god sakes. Quickly grabbing it, I could see that there were a lot of missed calls. I must have been out for a long time because of the fainting. Checking each one, I tried to see if Elizabeth called. Looking to the last one, I could see her phone number on the long list.

Knowing she wasn't here by my side, she must have already left. Shutting my eyes, I decide to press the green button to call back. It rang once... twice... three ... four times.. and then I could hear her voice. Loud and clear, I could feel a glimpse of hope. "Hello?" I just paused for a moment, until your voice said my name. "Adrian?" I smiled a bit, knowing that you always realized it was me without even much of a thought. "Elizabeth," I said back into the microphone. Leaning my back into the pillow, I could how both our breath settled.

"Elizabeth, where are you?" I asked. "Adrian, I already left," Elizabeth answered automatically. I just paused for a moment, as I knew what it meant. "Will you come back?" my voice begins to shake. We pauses for a moment, as I could hear a snuffle from her voice. "No, I'm sor-" she said before I dropped the phone, as it shuts in place.

I've wasted my nights,

You turned out the lights

Now I'm paralyzed,

Still stuck in that time,

When we called it love,

But even the sun sets in paradise

I paused for a moment, while tears falling upon eyes. My fist still clenched of an item, the ring. I broke, trying to cover my eyes from any other patients to see. All I wanted to do was to scream in agony. Yielding, under pain, I could feel as if my heart was being ripped from its place. I couldn't do anything anymore; it was ripping me from the inside. I just felt tired now. I could feel my phone vibrating, but knowing it was Elizabeth, I just didn't even want to pick it up. Chuckling, I felt stupid. It was funny; my eyes were soaked while I was laughing. Everything just looked out of placed; I could feel the cold have a grip on me. Suddenly, I stopped laughing. My eyes narrowed, Elizabeth, I love you. Pulling on the Ivs, I could feel myself only searching for something, Elizabeth.

Putting the phone back into my pocket while it rang, I never wanted to listen to the ringtone ever again. I just chuckle, my beloved Elizabeth, don't think distance would stop us. I gave you a chance, the phone just kept on singing along the way. My tear stained face, walking out of the hospital; I could feel anger, pain, and love at the same time. Blood began to drip from the marks of the Ivs, but I still pushed on.

Stop deluding me Elizabeth, we belong together. Slowly, my own fist unclenched, the ring dropped.

I'm at a payphone trying to call home

All of my change I spent on you

Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

Where are the plans we made for two?