Losing Love

"But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But in a way I'm glad. The pain is my only reminder that he was real..."- Bella

I'll get over you, I'll do whatever it takes,

Losing you, and losing me, is my mistake;

I let it go on for far too long,

And I'm done crying to all those sappy love songs;

My heart is broken at its core,
I can't bare to feel this pain anymore.

I'm the one who left, 

and I'm the one who regrets.

My whole life revolved around you,

I thought we something special, soul mates whose love is true.

Never thought it would ever really be over.

I wanted it to be, I wanted to be over you, getting married was a cover.

A cover for what I really felt for you, I tried to run, tried to hide,

I didn't want to deal with how hard our relationship was, and I never tried.

I loathed the idea of never having a Christmas, but not having you is worse.
You were my best friend, and without you I'm just a walking corpse.

My insanity has hit it's end, I feel nothing except pain,

At night I dream of us together, holding you; in the morning, tears fall like rain.

Mixed emotions plague me like a disease,

spreading to every corner of my body consuming me; I beg it to cease.

First jealousy, the things you do for your girlfriend, is how I wanted us to be.

Then pain, wishing I could redo it all, so you could still be with me.

Then anger because you didn't do those things, and I give my own reasons,

like you didn't care about me, and then I make a list of your cons.

Then sad because I remember your pros, and all the good times we shared,

and I realize that you did really care.

Last but not least comes suicidal because all that is left is a pain in my heart,

it's empty, and feels nothing else, except a longing for us not to be apart.

I've lost three best friends in my life, my first because we changed so much,

the other because she moved, I moved, and we failed to keep in touch,

and lastly you, and that's from my own stupidity,

I created this world in my head, my wants, expectations, a false reality. 

Something you learn later on in life when it's too late,

is money and materials things can not make you happier than a soulmate, 

and if you screw up so bad to lose them forever,

you'll spend the rest of your existence wishing you were together.
Because that bond is something you can't fix, replace, or buy new, 

it's something to be cherished, saved, and remain pure and true.

Author's Note

Since this is just an emotional piece for me, if something doesn't rhyme right like cons and reasons, you don't have to tell me... I know.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very emotional story in the poem. Hard to remember friends lost on the highway of living. We miss people and faces when we return to similar places and thoughts.
"Because that bond is something you can't fix, replace, or buy new,
it's something to be cherished, saved, and remain pure and true."
Took me many mistakes to learn to be kind and try not to be negative. Better to be kind in goodbyes and content in hello. Nice flow of thoughts in the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Ian H Morrison]

well you are good by the way this is stunning stuff you should be really proud of yourself this is a winning poem

[Riley]

Thank you! This was honestly just a piece I threw together about someone that I loved for a long time. It was written years ago, and luckily I have gotten past those feelings. They were definitely hard to get through.

[Ian H Morrison]

well that person must be very sorry now for loseing a wonderful poet like you

[Riley]

Ha, thanks, but Hardly. They moved on quickly with no looking back to see me fall and break into pieces. Thanks for being kind though. Luckily, I found someone that appreciates me more than that person ever did, so I married him. I was never first in that person's life, I'm always first in my husband's life.

[Ian H Morrison]

and my wife and kids is allways first in mine have you read my poem the suprise

[Riley]

No but I will.

[Ian H Morrison]

thank you

[SmileBig :)]

Wow this is so nicely written!

[Antonio Valentino]

there's nothing worse then what could have been is there..

so sad.. i hope time heals your pain..

nicely written!

[zainul]

There may be not be more precious than this statement of passion of a woman who cherish pure love .
I congratulate for this great write.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

The heart can not hide from love... it rhymed and flowed nicely, but most importantly the emotional impact was felt in your words.

[Wolfwind]

It's soulful ink, right from the core. Through these emotions, we all learn something about ourselves. Thanks for sharing. =)

Aaron

[Whiskurz]

A beautiful written piece my friend......Whisk

[no sun]

What a beautiful piece of your mind and heart. Nicely written!