Anti-Ode To Sun

A blade

Viscously slicing

Through a whirl of grey cotton

Tumbles

And shatters.

Tiny,

Falling

Embers

Scorch

And choke me

From the inside

Out.

Reviews

[Elijah Gleaves]

Great metaphors here. Instead of just simply sunlight you describe it as a blade cutting through gray cotton. That was a great use of poetic technique. But if you describe the sunlight as a blade then it wouldn't be embers scorching you it would be fragments of metal or glass. Keeping your metaphor consistent and extending it through out the poem would be a great idea.

[Dream Weaver]

Wow! truly ferocious! I like it...

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

Few words that are direct and to the point of this poem, thanks to Thomas for sharing this one.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

slicing away at everything coming at the poet until exhaustion sets in........well penned

[Muse]

Short but crafted very well. I do like the suggestion made my Thomas Fitzgerald, besides that no constructive criticism from me, I liked very much.

[Joshua J. Certain]

Interesting piece you leave much mystery to the reader with a perfect flow of words

[Sukriti Suki]

Oh I like this...very.

[roy mccarthy]

cool write,
short and sweet.......

[Max]

short, yet powerful. Has a very staccato feel to it, which adds to the quickness of it all. Well done :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A spirited and valiant piece that peers into the heart of things, well written, if i were your editor though there are a few changes I would think on, mere autosuggestibility my darling, is all,

The blade

Viscously sliced

Through a whirl of grey cotton

Tumbles

then shatters.

Tiny,

Falling

Embers

Scorch

And choke her

From the inside

To the Out.