Anti-Ode To Sun

A blade

Viscously slicing

Through a whirl of grey cotton

Tumbles

And shatters.

Tiny,

Falling

Embers

Scorch

And choke me

From the inside

Out.

Reviews

[Elijah Gleaves]

Great metaphors here. Instead of just simply sunlight you describe it as a blade cutting through gray cotton. That was a great use of poetic technique. But if you describe the sunlight as a blade then it wouldn't be embers scorching you it would be fragments of metal or glass. Keeping your metaphor consistent and extending it through out the poem would be a great idea.

[Dante Balsote]

Very playful. I don't know how this can be called anti-ode though.

[Fabric Pulse]

I'd say unique, kind of new to the poetic world for wording technique but all in all for practice to be good, it wasn't bad to where I'd attack it harshly either. :) All I can give for great advice right now to you is keep on spilling out your rhymes, with each one you find yourself more and you improve.

[Mika Haruna]

a very descriptive poem that uses imagry very well! Very good!

[Searching 4 Serenity]

Short sweet(not so much) and to the point

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Very clever piece. While I love the beauty of the sun, it's got it's evil and ugliness side to it. Great write.

[Weepingmoon]

A well crafted piece

[brenda]

simply amazing!!! i can feel the sun doing that to my skin the brightness and everything of it this was great!!

[quinfinn]

this is hauntingly creepy and in definitive, although metaphorically poignant and dramatic. clever...

[Helpless]

great work!