My Creature

She knew it was dumb. She knew she was setting herself up for a punch in the heart, but the dark-looking creature inticed her, dazzled her. Every day the girl would goggle at the way the creature responded. It looked so beautiful and perfect; even its flaws were perfect, but it seemed so unknowing of the clarity and sheer joy it brought her. She wanted more than anything to hold the beast in her arms, to heal its wounds and take away its pain.

But the girl new of the Black creature that lay deep in the darkness, so far it couldn't be seen by the mortals. The girl's creature was in love. In love with the Black thing, the darkness dweller. The creature didn't see the thing as it appeared, its love made a masquerade of light and beauty in it: How the thing was many years ago, when it lived in lighter grounds. Her creature needed this monster, and the girl knew the creature had to try to move its lover. She watched it travel back, her yearning to reach out, to shout "NO! You are mine! Why aren't I good enough?" became stronger and the urge pulsed through her veins. Through her soul. Through her mind, thoughts, and emotions. But she said nothing, hoping for the best, blocking the worst, and only wanting the creature to smile its sharp teeth without ghosts in its eyes.

 

Well, the girl waited. Months and months felt like an eternal world of hurt and desire. All she ever did was stand in her brightness, looking into the dark for her creature. Oh, her creature, which she loved now, dreamed about, lived for. Somewhere along the way she decided to wander into the darkness, to glimpse at the Nearly-Black ones, and at the creatures who weren't as perfect or as beautiful as her own.

 

One night, after spending weeks shuffling in the darkness, the girl saw her creature. Alongside it was the most gorgeous light woman the girl had seen. The woman was happy, and seemed to merge perfectlly with the girl's creature. Now the White woman's creature. Maybe it always was, the girl realized, torn inside. They walked by the young child, making their way to the light palace. The creature didn't see her. Didn't recognize her after the long journey.

The perfect couple kept walking on, while the girl realized what she had given up. She was no longer beautiful, innocent, and light. Every sliver of hope had been put into the creature, and had been smashed. Now she was a Black creature herself. Just another boring, ugly, disgusting THING, while her love was a White royal, with an awe-inspiring White woman.

Author's Note

Suggestions?

Reviews

[Seracies]

Wow. I loved how metaphorical it was with light and dark, desire and self-loathing. How the change happened without her even knowing, because she was so mesmerized by the dream of what she wanted. I also liked the ending, although depressing, was intriguing and truthful. Very nicely done.

[Mike Winner]

Thank you for the opportunity to read your story.

I'd suggest using more paragraphs to break the lines for easier reading. Also, making the spoken words in their own paragraphs. This is an area I've struggled with too, and I end up referring to a printed book to remind me where to add line breaks.