Chapter Three

just read it!!! (corrected version)

When I finally got home I ran upstairs, trying to force back the tears forming in my eyes. “I'm going back to work okay?” I heard my mom call from downstairs. She was probably already headed out the door.
    There really was no point in her being here anyway. I closed my bedroom door one last time and sat down on my bed. “Why? Why me?” I asked myself over and over before remembering that there was a knife in my jewelry box and that I didn't have to go back downstairs to get one.
    I slid open the bottom drawer, carefully. Scanning it with my eyes I could see the blood stains on it's serrated edge and my grip impression in the handle. I closed my eyes, hoping for relief from the struggle of life I was now in, but the only thing I could see was Dillan's face and the way Alexia was holding her. Mindlessly, I slid the knife down the underneath of my left forearm, pushing down as deep as possible while I crossed Dillan's initials, engraved in my wrist, multiple other cuts going every direction and a broken heart.
    When I finally lifted the knife from my wrist I turned to the bottle of Paxil my doctor had prescribed me the last time I had tried to kill myself, sitting beside me, tipped it so that a total of eight pills spilled into my hand and then swallowed hard as they flowed down my esophagus.
    Deciding this wasn't worth dragging on, I finished off the bottle of anti-depressants, continued on to swallow a bottle of Oxycodone and made one more deep laceration down the underneath of my right forearm as the room began to spin.
    As I closed my eyes to shut out the ceiling light that seemed to have been getting brighter and brighter I began hearing a slight buzzing sound.