How It Began

the first chapter to the heart-breaking and soul-piercing non-fiction story I'm writing

     I remember quite vividly the first time I met her. I had just started 7th grade. Kayla was in 8th grade and so wasn't Liz. Kayla was my best friend, someone I knew would never hurt me and anything she did that caused me pain was to make sure I was okay. I started cutting the summer prior to beginning 7th grade. It was my way of dealing with all the pain. It was one autumn day before soccer practice and Kayla and I were going to get slushies down at the local convience store. When you live in a small town like mine there isn't much to do so Kayla and I would go get slushies everyday before heading to practice. Kayla had spotted the red stripes across my wrist. As I recall, Tori and Liz were with us, but perhaps that made the scene. Kayla immediately freaked out, shouting things and periodically glancing at Liz. The only thing I really remember was Kayla yelling "I mean, Liz has her reasons!" At that point I didn't know what Kayla meant but I knew something had happend.

     That soccer season I genuinely grew up and matured. I remember the first time I spoke with Liz. We were in Dixfield, a much hated rival, and Liz had sat behind me on the almost 2 hour bus ride there. Liz had read some of my poetry and knowing she wrote as well I asked to read hers. It was at that point I realized what exactly was going on. Even though no one had actually told me what it was until about a year later I learned through her poetry that Liz was bi-polar and schizephrenic. She would see things when she closed her eyes and when she opened them the faces never really disappeared. Worse of all, Liz heard things. From what I understood they were voices that screamed for help and it drove Liz insane.

     A few days later I was in the car with Kayla and her mother. Kayla, seeming not to care if I heard or not, turned to her mother and said "Liz thinks she's pregnant." I was surprised but somehow felt a need to reach out to Liz and tell her I was there for her. The next day at practice, when coach gave us a water break, I went up to Liz and told her I knew and that if she needed anything I was there. Liz looked stunned but grateful at the same time. I suppose that's when things began to change...