Minds Unsetting

In the eyes of his feelings "Words I never said, forgetting what I meant, trying to pretend, but I do care, its upsetting, I'm fine one minute and then I'm regretting"

He walks into the other room, sits down and he picks up a broom

says honey, baby, honestly what did I do?

Pictures of her on the wall, standing tall

but she can't get the words out of her mouth, after everything they

went through , things just started to go south, he looks at her,

and looks away, I'm not living like this, I can't stay, its been days

and you're not feeling the same, every day working hard trying

to survive, its a game, sweat and blood pouring

leaving stains, it rains

and shes still standing there saying I'm the blame,

departing now and I'm starting to feel the rage,

inflame, trying to be tame, I wanted her to take my maiden name

Insane, I can't remain the same, she left me alone, cold and ashamed

but its the real me now, none of you appeal to me now,

break down and kneel to me now,

feel around for the dead men you just left just around,

I ain't even joking now, you're choking now, unloading now

sorta feeling broken now? Well I'm smoking now, take a bow

you were feeling just great until now, the truth is all out, and

I'm gonna let you loose, go have fun with your cranberry juice,

and your hair mousse, its just me against the world and I' ll take

that against any girl, less of an expense, no incense, no repent

and no prevent

Words I never said, forgetting what I meant, trying to pretend, but I do care,

its upsetting, I'm fine one minute and then I'm regretting, I'll try resetting

its like betting on table that won't win, fretting another label later on realize

I'm unstable, life’s rude, leaving me to try to enable, a backpack of food and a

fable, I'm not innocent or significant, I'm not false I don't need imprisonment

you're just a deranged use for an instrument which is actually equivalent for a

scientific insolent, a coincidence? I don't care anymore, I don't want to fight

everyday and have a war, be with who you want, and get your reward, just

remember you broke the rules of the lord

Author's Note

Sorry for the image my computer was having issues saving pictures.

Reviews

[@zeewhykay]

This is brilliant.. No true form, just ink to portray thoughts and emotions. Breaking the norms. Some might say it sounds like a rap/rant. To me, it sounds like dried blood on a white page. Nothing could seem more "real". It might touch different people in different ways. Personally, every single line and specifically chosen word seemed to just fit in with itself. It felt like this piece was written for me on this day. I am happy I fell on this.

"its upsetting, I'm fine one minute and then I'm regretting, I'll try resetting
its like betting on table that won't win"

Oh... how perfectly familiar this sounds...

I praise your talent. Cheers !

[Demii]

Thank you so much for you're kind feedback it really touched me and gave me goosebumps! Thank you so much! I'm going to read some of your work now!

[sushi]

Awesome... It brings an image of the situation.

The feeling of hurt, anger, revenge, a hope that it is not true followed by a realization of the fact. The disappointment and trying to pick up courage to get back to normal. The unhealed wound and a scar left forever.

[Demii]

That is exactly it. Thanks so much ! You are really good at taking things a apart to read things :)

[Mockingbird]

like free-styling. shows the drama of breaking up and growing from the experience. great job.

[Demii]

Thank you so much :):)

[Tobias Rasmussen]

Lovely LOVELY piece. Great rhythm and pace :) I really like it, BUT please. You're going to have to look at your "your" and "you're". It is a shame to look at those mistakes when the feel of the poem is so good. So please if you ever go back to improve it. That is the only fault of this magnificient piece it is just a shame that I couldn't help but notice your small mistakes around the poem. Really lovely poem I liked it a lot.

[Demii]

Thank you so much, That means alot. & Uh, man that sucks, I am deff going to have to go back and edit, that is a shame and kinda embarrassing. I was so into the rhythm when I was reading it, I wasn't thinking when I saw your. Thank you so much for your feedback, and correcting my mistakes :) & Means alot thank you!!! :) :$

[m.s.early]

It flows like hip hop and has an intelligent approach to the subject. It was fun and enlightening at the same time. A unique combination.

[Demii]

Thank you so much. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I really appreciate that!

[Vidya Bacchus]

This is truly an awesome poem Demii. I really enjoyed it :)

[Demii]

Thank you so much. I'm really glad you did :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[Sami Khalil]

"I'm the blame,
departing now and I'm starting to feel the rage,
inflame, trying to be tame, I wanted her to take my maiden name
Insane, I can't remain the same, she left me alone, cold and ashamed"





A splendid read and write. Thank you for sharing...:)................

[Demii]

Thank you so much :) and thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...Any time...:)...................

[Sami Khalil]

:)...........................

[Frieda P]

Intriguing read, this sounds like it could be a rap song. A quirky rhyming scheme, I quite liked it.

[Demii]

Aweh thankyou so much! & Its funny, I have a tune for it, and I'm trying to somewhat memorize the words. & Thank you :)

[Frieda P]

That is funny, I could hear it with music in my head too, wonder if we're hearing the same tune, most welcome. :-)

[Demii]

haha me to :)

[00000000000000000000000..]

Wow you tell a poetic story of a hurt and how you wish to move on. Ohh wow seen this a few times its not some wonderous pic-nic, A person told me life isn't rainbows and unicorns, that same person I thought was a friend and some one I fell in love with. I was very wrong! Today I blocked her out of my life she is one to give advice as she is a mighty queen but its her actions that are seen that drive me away. Demii great work:)

[Demii]

Aweh, thank you so much for your feedback and comments. & Exactly you hit the spot! & Exactly life's rough you just have to learn how to handle it sometimes! & I'm so sorry, I'm glad you made the right choice for yourself, to make yourself happier because that's what people need is to make there self happy before others, but in a good way :)

[0000000000000000000000000000]

That's right :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) your very welcome:)

[Bluefire]

This is really good, I like that it's written like a story yet it all rhymes like a poem. I like the story and that it sounded like a rap inside my head. Well done!

[Demii]

aweh thankyou, I was aiming for it to be like a rap, and a story to get to him being upset! but thank you so much :)

[Bluefire]

No problem! ^^

[Jackson H. Harley]

Love this :) great pace and flow, strong portrayal of emotion wih a hint of darkness, great piece :)

[Demii]

Thank you so much :)

[Jackson H. Harley]

Two reviews saying prety much the same thing was not intentional by the way :p

[Demii]

haha don't worry I didn't think so!