Minds Unsetting

In the eyes of his feelings "Words I never said, forgetting what I meant, trying to pretend, but I do care, its upsetting, I'm fine one minute and then I'm regretting"

He walks into the other room, sits down and he picks up a broom

says honey, baby, honestly what did I do?

Pictures of her on the wall, standing tall

but she can't get the words out of her mouth, after everything they

went through , things just started to go south, he looks at her,

and looks away, I'm not living like this, I can't stay, its been days

and you're not feeling the same, every day working hard trying

to survive, its a game, sweat and blood pouring

leaving stains, it rains

and shes still standing there saying I'm the blame,

departing now and I'm starting to feel the rage,

inflame, trying to be tame, I wanted her to take my maiden name

Insane, I can't remain the same, she left me alone, cold and ashamed

but its the real me now, none of you appeal to me now,

break down and kneel to me now,

feel around for the dead men you just left just around,

I ain't even joking now, you're choking now, unloading now

sorta feeling broken now? Well I'm smoking now, take a bow

you were feeling just great until now, the truth is all out, and

I'm gonna let you loose, go have fun with your cranberry juice,

and your hair mousse, its just me against the world and I' ll take

that against any girl, less of an expense, no incense, no repent

and no prevent

Words I never said, forgetting what I meant, trying to pretend, but I do care,

its upsetting, I'm fine one minute and then I'm regretting, I'll try resetting

its like betting on table that won't win, fretting another label later on realize

I'm unstable, life’s rude, leaving me to try to enable, a backpack of food and a

fable, I'm not innocent or significant, I'm not false I don't need imprisonment

you're just a deranged use for an instrument which is actually equivalent for a

scientific insolent, a coincidence? I don't care anymore, I don't want to fight

everyday and have a war, be with who you want, and get your reward, just

remember you broke the rules of the lord

Author's Note

Sorry for the image my computer was having issues saving pictures.

Reviews

[@zeewhykay]

This is brilliant.. No true form, just ink to portray thoughts and emotions. Breaking the norms. Some might say it sounds like a rap/rant. To me, it sounds like dried blood on a white page. Nothing could seem more "real". It might touch different people in different ways. Personally, every single line and specifically chosen word seemed to just fit in with itself. It felt like this piece was written for me on this day. I am happy I fell on this.

"its upsetting, I'm fine one minute and then I'm regretting, I'll try resetting
its like betting on table that won't win"

Oh... how perfectly familiar this sounds...

I praise your talent. Cheers !

[Demii]

Thank you so much for you're kind feedback it really touched me and gave me goosebumps! Thank you so much! I'm going to read some of your work now!

[Vishuddha]

The rhythm, rhyme and meter are wonderful in this piece. Very inventive and effective.
One line bothers me a bit: "dead men you just left just around" - you just use the word just too many times. How about "hanging around" or "waiting around"? Otherwise, well worded.

[Demii]

Thanks a bunch for your feedback. :) I'll edit it after work !

[Calliope]

I really love the flow of this, the way the words just seem to naturally follow one another in sort of a domino effect. Enjoyed reading this, your writing is absolutely brilliant!

[Demii]

Thank you so much, what a kind review :)

[Malen]

This write drops into a familiar rythmn
"I ain't even joking now, you're choking now, unloading now
sorta feeling broken now? Well I'm smoking now, take a bow
you were feeling just great until now, the truth is all out..."
I love when this happens, it's like a peek into what influences
The writer.
Great write!

[Demii]

The one part I noticed it did too ! & Thanks a bunch, feelings mashed basically haha :)

[Blood Ink Diary]

First, thank you for visiting my page - sorry I am responding late, as I was travelling !
I truly relished your writing here - an honest portrayal of human emotions - both ripe and raw. keep penning !

[Demii]

Thank you so much :)

[Stefanie Holmes]

I love your style! No format, no rules, no guidelines... just ink to paper; pouring out your thoughts. This is the style of poetry that I absolutely enjoy reading. :)

~Stefanie

[Demii]

Thank you so much. :)

[A. Amos]

Love your style of writing brilliant and elegant. Thanks for sharing

[Demii]

awe, thanks so much, means alot :)

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome

[KissDaPoet]

Beautiful enjoyed it .........................Smiley Face

[Demii]

Thanks alot ! :)

[Devesh]

I felt like I was reading the lyrics to an Aerosmith song( in case you don't know them, listen to 'Don't Wanna Miss A Thing', you'll get my drift!). The words roll off the toungue with such ease! Good writing! :)

[Demii]

hahahha of course, I know them thats a great song! & Thank you so much ! Means alot :)

[Devesh]

You're most welcome :)

[Scoopy Reviews]

I thought this was dope... Great job. The flow was perfect.

[Demii]

Awe, Thank you so much! haha