Chapter Three

 

I’m going on a diet. I am going to eat soup, carrots, and apples for two weeks to see how much weight I loose I am heavy weight and want to loose at lease ten pounds this month. Someone told me about this diet and that it really works so I figured why not try it out. I just hope I can keep it up. Maybe if I loose some weight Weston will call me. He called me before a couple times. But ever since I told him I was in love with him I haven’t seen him around anywhere. I haven’t seen his wife either. I hope to whoever is out there that I didn’t scare him off.

 

So anyway about the whole whoever is out there? I don’t believe in god. I’m not atheist. I just don’t think there is a god. I believe earth is the goddess and karma is the most important thing ever. So god is out of the question. I also believe that whatever you do will happen three times back to you. It works with everyone that way. So let’s say I hit somebody. That means I’m going to get hit three times back. It doesn’t mean I’m literally going to get hit but I will in some form or way. It’s a great way to go by. I also believe in free range expressiveness of sexuality. That means I’m okay with homosexuality and I’m also okay with pre marital sex. I just don’t see a problem with being expressive in anyway. I also plan on getting pregnant when I get out of high school. I want to have kids young for some reason. I don’t see anything wrong with that either. I know exactly who I want to have my kids with so yeah I’m looking forward to that. I just hope he wants to have kids with me too.

 

I feel like I have to tell you this or I wouldn’t be telling you the complete truth. I’m not a virgin. I lost it when I was 14 to this boy I thought I loved, but no it ends up he only liked me for the sex. So I dumped him. I haven’t had sex since. I don’t plan on it either. Well, at least not till Weston. I wrote a song about the boy I had sex with. I think I will let you hear it and see if you like it.

 

As my memory fades of him

He becomes an everlasting picture

Eternally haunting me of what I had

Flaming the heart; The oblivious ember

Staring blankly wish I could redo

All the times of heated fury

I miss the passion, and love

Now all I do it lonesome worry

For he has left and gone far away

Whispering magic in my ear

Evaporating all those deadly fears

Caressing my fragile feelings; dieing emotion

But all over a boy, all this commotion?

The love is stronger then confusion; and everything

As my heart rapidly beats, a stingingly ting

Missing him is all I can do

Waiting to get back to you, my boo

Never seeing his beautiful face

Never putting my hands around his waist

I’m ready for him to find his home

This is with me, so we’re never alone