fire field of insanity

Depressing and deep and dark.

lets light me on fire,

and see, if I ignite, into flames.

Maybe; my skin will melt,

with chuncks of flesh; falling

Into the darkness. of despair

Where my ego lurks,

beyond the hidden walls,

of the mirror; of shattered, glass.

 

As it rains, to wash away,

the scent of death.

The vile, indespicable,

site of feilds, of roses 

the lost love; and the souls,

which were lost to this love.

Insanity, to it.

Confususion, to it.

Everything, to it.

Reviews

[Ninelilies]

Wow. You start the poem with this visual. Something that cuts into the mind and makes the reader wonder why a young person would feel that way. In the second stanza, you're cleansing the visual it seems, making a resolution to your "fire field of insanity". But I can't tell if the roses are the souls, and if you're trying to maintain being obscure.

I think you have a wonderful talent. You caught me in the first few words. Instead of "it", what happened to the "fire"? The visual? Is the purpose of the poem to put out the fire?

Where are you taking the reader in the end?

Other than that, I'm jealous I didn't dive into writing when i was your age. You have so much ahead of you.

[coldLIGHT]

I think the use of all the commas and semicolons make the whole piece more...well, "on and off" obviously. But the feelings also, in turn, go on and off, and for the emotions that you're displaying in this piece I would think they would come out like a cascade, like someone crying, like tears flowing down or someone feeling extreme heartache inside...something pure, something whole and RAW, with no interruptions, but sadness and despair. Yeah? , and ; take away from that.
Anyways, keep on writing. (:

And guess what I'm fourteen too! (girl btw.) Yay go fourteen-year-olds X]

[PENS FOR PEACE /TJ CALI..]

A very good poem writen by someone so young!
I guess depression and despair has no prejudisims when it comes to it's torment!
I felt your pain in all of your writting! And believe me I know pain!(Just read my story!)
A Well done job! Keep writitng from your soul for the good of all souls!
At your young age you have no where to go but artisticly up to the top!!!
Keep writng, you good!
Good luck iwth all your future works!
TIM