Entry four

This is the final entry

May, 31, 2012

    Wow, it’s been a whole two years since dad has died. It still hasn’t caught up with me yet, not after dancing at the service. Not after seeing him lay there lifeless in his casket.
People are still talking about it behind my back. Sometimes I hear them whisper about how amazed they are that they haven’t seen me shed a tear for the man. Many say that I most likely cry myself to sleep. Other’s say I am just a heartless b***h who doesn’t care about anyone but me. Maybe they’re right; maybe I don’t care about anyone anymore. How could I? After the person I trusted most lied to me?
I remember that I said I would tell you all about how I found out that my father was a drug dealer in the first place. I have to give my dad some credit; he must have known that the police would check his email for anything that would lead them to find out why George would want him dead. He used an old account of mine from back when I was in ninth grade, I never used it. Until I received an email in my new account from my old one it was strange. Why would someone want to send me an email from my old one telling me to check it?
I guess dad wanted me to know the whole story, because there in my old email were about one hundred and fifty emails from the same email address. I remember staying up all night reading everything. I was more disappointed than anything else. Why would dad do this? Why didn’t he think I had enough talent on my own? I know it sounds like I am repeating my self and I am but those are the questions that poisoned my mind. They wrapped themselves around every thought I had. The thoughts infected my mind like a disease.
I still don’t understand why I am too scared to tell anyone the truth. Maybe because deep down, way deep down I feel like it is some sort of secret between my father and me.
Is that a stupid thing to think? I think I am going crazy, keeping a secret about a man who lied to me. A secret that might help everyone understand why such an “evil” man as mom likes to call George would want to kill some “innocent” man such as my father.
But I’m not ready to tell anyone, not yet anyways, it still feels too early. Or maybe it because I just don’t have the guts to admit that I have known the truth this whole time. Maybe I just don’t want people thinking of my dad badly?
Wow, I am finally crying. I loved my dad. I wish I would have never told him that I hated him. I wish those weren’t the last words he heard.
I’m glad mama doesn’t know that, she would slap me silly for being such a stupid girl.
I know now that I am never going to tell anyone about this though. I don’t ever want anyone thinking about my dad badly, like I had for the past two years.
Nobody should ever think of him like I had. I don’t know what made me change my mind now, but something did. I am glad for it.
    Maybe sometime tomorrow I will go and visit him and re-perform the dance that I did for him at his funeral. I have a feeling that where ever he is, he will enjoy it.
    Well I am going to head off to sleep; I need to wake up early in the morning.

Sincerely,
    Kelsey

P.S. I wish I still had my dad here. I mean I know he can watch me perform from where ever he is, but I wish I could see him watching me. If that makes any sense at all.

Author's Note

So I want to know if you all think this is something that may be continued...or yeah. Cause I'm not sure. Please be as honest as you can with me about it.

Reviews

[zappy]

i think i speak for most people when i say you should keep goin i would love to read more soon .