Portrait of Abuse

For my friend.

eyes closed.

head bowed.

 

cool tears sting hot cheeks,

quivering lips choke down the sobs.

 

breathe in. breathe out.

 

his shadow moves closer,

heavy exhales crawl nearer.

 

tension is overbearing as

his body tightens forcefully.

 

breathe in. breathe out.

 

fresh imprints show

where strong hands once laid.

 

tender pale skin

turns purple and yellow.

 

breathe in. breathe out.

 

a faint promise of peace

is held by prolonged silence.

 

broken furniture

damaged walls.

no peace here.

 

breathe in. breathe out.

 

escape. run. hide. disengage.

easy to think of the plan; hard to make the act.

 

this is not love.

trapped.

can't get away.

 

can't breathe in. can't breathe out.

 

strength and pride abolished

by the very man that inspired it.

 

power gained.

life destroyed.

 

don't fight. don't breathe.

 

 

Author's Note

This is the first I've written in a while. I'm afraid that is cliche in areas, help me out? Other than that, what kind of emotions does this create? Can you visualize the scene?

Reviews

[C. Porter]

Oh, my gosh. This poem actually started to make me feel the sense of fear and (almost, but not quite..what's the WORD?!?!) claustrophobia that the narrator is feeling. I can sort of visualize the scene, but mostly just her, her fear, her breathing, her whole sense of..of..i dunno, self? Anyway, great poem.
Not cliche, this sort of abusive thing needs to be repeated.

[ebur™]

wow, i've never read a poem that actually overwhelmed me with the emotion of fear. It's like i could hear the panting, the breathe in breathe out, and the quietness. like as if i was watching a movie. so simple, yet so expressive. great job! :)

[Lizanne]

A powerful and emotional writing of abuse. The same ritual each time and the vow to escape.....but for some reason the abused feels trapped and that they must stay. A very psychological portait of the the power that one person can wield over another. You create atomosphere and the reader becomes a voyeur to the happenings. You wield a very talented and creative pen. This work is in no way "cliche". Keep that talented pen moving. It has much to say.

[Domo]

This was actually perfect in my eyes, it seemed so imaginable, and drags you into its words, making you stay and take the hellish ride.
This was beautiful, in a sense.
~D♥m♥~

[Jeff Miller]

This is amazing. The emotions jump off the page, filling the reader's atmosphere with your desired response. Great job, keep it up!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

WOW what a way to return to the writing scene... I mean that.... this is wonderfully brilliant... capturing the destruction of love gone wrong... this is really your best piece yet.