Portrait of Abuse

For my friend.

eyes closed.

head bowed.

 

cool tears sting hot cheeks,

quivering lips choke down the sobs.

 

breathe in. breathe out.

 

his shadow moves closer,

heavy exhales crawl nearer.

 

tension is overbearing as

his body tightens forcefully.

 

breathe in. breathe out.

 

fresh imprints show

where strong hands once laid.

 

tender pale skin

turns purple and yellow.

 

breathe in. breathe out.

 

a faint promise of peace

is held by prolonged silence.

 

broken furniture

damaged walls.

no peace here.

 

breathe in. breathe out.

 

escape. run. hide. disengage.

easy to think of the plan; hard to make the act.

 

this is not love.

trapped.

can't get away.

 

can't breathe in. can't breathe out.

 

strength and pride abolished

by the very man that inspired it.

 

power gained.

life destroyed.

 

don't fight. don't breathe.

 

 

Author's Note

This is the first I've written in a while. I'm afraid that is cliche in areas, help me out? Other than that, what kind of emotions does this create? Can you visualize the scene?

Reviews

[C. Porter]

Oh, my gosh. This poem actually started to make me feel the sense of fear and (almost, but not quite..what's the WORD?!?!) claustrophobia that the narrator is feeling. I can sort of visualize the scene, but mostly just her, her fear, her breathing, her whole sense of..of..i dunno, self? Anyway, great poem.
Not cliche, this sort of abusive thing needs to be repeated.

[~Shadow Kissed~]

I can imagine how she feels, and i feel that way too when i read it, great imagiry

[Elwina]

This was very good. I can feel the oppression, and i feel like everything is closing down on me. I love the progressive way you describe the scene, first with the body, then the thoughts, then the story, still we can feel the emotions all the way through. This poem is brilliant !

[Living Proof.]

I could see this happening in my mind so clearly. Amazing work.

[Angel Veselinov]

It is great very nice :) I loved it. Very strong emotionally thanks for sharing it with us

[Anicca]

This is AMAZING! Tears welled in my eyes whilst I was reading this, I could visualize it all. A truly magnificent piece.

[JenLyn]

I really liked this poem but at the same time I hated it, not because of your writing but because I grew up in an abusive household but it definitely brings out emotions in you. Great write. :)

[Nae Nae]

This brings so many thoughts to my head, it's very deep and i don't feel it's cliche at all, actually I thought it was original in many ways. "breathe in, breathe out," "can't breathe in, can't breathe out." It showed how deep of an emotion this piece holds, to me it made it that much more of a personal experience for me. I think you did a great job on this piece and I wouldn't change anything about it.

Nae-Nae...

[Shay33]

No, not cliche at all. It evoked some strong emotion from me. Short and sweet, but still extremely powerful. Great job. :)

[ashley]

This was amazing. As I read, my stomach started to twist. I love the breath in, breath out. That was very well done. My favorite line, the one that made it for me, was "strength and pride abolished by the very man that inspired it."
Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

[Slithering Angel]

I can visualize it, but it's not clear. I do like how you got your point across, though. It's like a mantra that's being recited while the situation itself is building before it finally strikes. Or maybe I'm describing my thoughts badly... I think it's great either way.