what i SEE when i close my eyes

When I close my eyes, I see a world at peace. And I'm not talking about world peace, I'm talking about my world, the one I seperately exist in. I see grassy fields and large trees. My family and friends stand behind me, supporting me. I see an open, understanding, and accepting family that loves me for who I am. I don't have to hide things from these people.

When I open my eyes, I see a world in mass fearful chaos. Things are locked away in safes, secrets are kept, the whole truth is never told. I see my family, disappointed in me, not knowing the real me. My friends judging me, thinking bad things about me, spreading rumors about me.

Looking in the mirror, I see the absolute terror in my own eyes. My parent's can't find out. When my eyes are closed, everything's as it should be, when I open them, everything's as it really is- a mess.