A Classic, REDEFINED

this is my attempt at romance

This love is

indescribeable,

Shakespeare himself

wouldn't have been able to define it.

incomprehensible-

the way you make me feel.

 

I close my eyes

and see you there,

my knight in shining armor,

I know you're here to save me.

 

We are

a Romeo and Juliet of a new age

faced not by hatred,

but by distance.

This story doesn't end in death,

however.

No obstacle is too much

for what we have.

 

This love -

so Real.

so Young.

so Strong.

so Beautiful.

 

You were made for me,

and this is only the beginning.

 

Author's Note

okay, so this is what came out of my untitled poem. tell me what you think of it, be brutal. please.

Reviews

[Lexi Nicole]

Very nice work. I love the powerful emotion you put into it. I do, though, think it could use a little bit of work. The rhythm is ok, but it gets thrown on off in the second stanza. I think you might be able to re-arrange some of the words in that stanza to make the lines closer to the same length. I think that would help the flow of the poem.

The raw emotion of it, though, is perfect. I can feel the love dripping off of each word. Nice work!

-Howl

[Breezie Kae]

This is GREAT.

[.Bunnie.]

^.^ I think it's adorable. My favorite line(s) is:
We are
a Romeo and Juliet of a new age

I think it's sweet. Gives new hope to love again, that a lot of people have lost. Love it!

[C. Porter]

Excellent! Your 'attempt' at romance has succeeded wonderfully...
A strong piece, it resonates with love and emotion. Not like some of the flimsy romance poems I've read recently, this poem screams addiction, but with a sense of independence that many romances lack on this site and throughout literature.
The ending is brilliant. Perfectly short and it stands reasonably alone, putting emphasis on the message. Very good choice. "...only the beginning.", in the end. Leaves something to be desired, in a good way.
A very honest piece. Great!

[J.R Schlievert]

and you said you went a romantic poet! haha

[Masq]

I think you are a very talented young poet! Wonderful poem, beautifully penned and delivered.

[Bob]

I think what I like the most about this is the innocence it has, the reference to young, and the fact that it seems the person in the poem knows it as they refer to knights in shining armor, romeo and juliet, and so on. It's heartfelt, and by a heart that doesn't seem to be yet burdened by the negativity that comes over time. Nice write.

[Bright Eyes]

I really like this one because when I read it, the words that I thought described it were "raw" and "honest" meaning that it seems really REAL, like it comes straight from your core. I also really like the metaphors/comparisons. Another point on the honest/raw thing (raw isn't really the right word it's not a piece of meat but I can't think of a better one) is the layout/scheme of it, how it's not a cookie-cutter, yet all the same it flows perfectly.