Virgin Tears

He wears a steel shell

Cold and vibrant
No emotion or slight hint of fear
The dark side of Aquarius
Taking life as it comes
Excepting fate and dreaming of more
Satisfaction painted over his face
Born by poverty
♥
And yet he amazes me
Every wonderful, careful breath
Detached from his own heart
Yet he still goes on
Without knowing of cuts and bruises
Only waiting till they're scars
And I am trying to understand you
Trying to find out who you are
♥
You showed me your tears
While speaking your horrifying fears
Only moments ago
And I cannot help but think
How someone who has been so strong
Always
Could ever be weak
My eyes glistened and matched yours
And for the first time I felt your heart
In the energy
It was like magic
Tragic, beautiful,
Magic

Author's Note

My boyfriend is very emotionless usually. Today was the first time I saw him cry. It changed everything. I poured my whole heart into my words. I hope you can see that.

Reviews

[Stephen]

Umm ..yeah, you well said -------

How someone who has been so strong
Always
Could ever be weak ---------

How true ---- Hope everything`s been well out there because i`ve got that this write`s written in Dec.2013 which means, it`s quiet an old story and Hope you both lovers are living with much happiness.

Stay blessed, Sweety!

[Erica Marie]

thank you very much for all of your reviews!

[Stephen]

it`s my pleasure, Erica for reading your beautiful stuffs but hey... if May I ask, would you upload your any new write over this site or you do write on any other webs?

[Erica Marie]

I have been very busy with work and school for the past year and it's been hard to find leisure time to write. However I did just post a new piece a few minutes ago. But I am going to try to get back into it because I really do enjoy it.

[Stephen]

Okay,yeah, I know ..i`m also a student so, I can understand ... sometimes, we really couldn`t even get some time to write ... Oh you meant, you`ve uploaded here your new write? Great! I`m just going to read that new one :) Hey .. so, are you back at writing?

[Erica Marie]

I hope so :)

[Stephen]

Oh glad to hear, well ..if your back then let me first ..Welcome you to this site again. So, ******Welcome Back Dearest, Erica********** to this site after the long years. I`m honored to meet you ... and now hey, I wish you much luck for your new upcoming stuffs ;)

[SarahV]

I can totally relate to this poem and where you asre coming from! Although I do not concider those who cry to be weak, but I understand it can be a suprise from someone with such hidden emotions. None the less beautiful poem! Keep up the good work :)

[Erica Marie]

Thank you! And yes i agree because I cry all the time. But i put that in because HE believes it means he's being "weak"

[SarahV]

Really? That's exactly how it all is for me and ah I understand :)

[Simply Watching]

This is such a beautiful and personal poem. I feel like you really defined who he is and also defined your great love for him. I loved it:)

[Erica Marie]

Aw thanks girl!

[zainul]

I adore your wonderful love for your boyfriend who was born by poverty.
You vividly depicted his personality.
Hope you will make a great home by blending two lovely hearts together.
Love the amazing work.

[Erica Marie]

Thank you so much!

[zainul]

You are welcome,passionate poetess!

[Erinne S.]

"Only waiting till their scars" 'their' should be 'they're'

This was so emotionally beautiful! I could feel your heart pouring everything into this piece. It flowed so well and you couldn't have put your emotions together any better than you did in this piece. Great job!

100/100 from me :)

~Erinne

[Erica Marie]

Oops wow I don't know why I didn't see that error when I usually do! :/ Thank you I just changed it!

And thank you so much for feeling my emotions in this, that's exactly what I wanted :)

[rnuff]

Such an emotional read, powerful.

[Ban Heo]

maybe change it to "without knowing of his cuts and bruises, only seeing when they're scars". Also "you showed me your tears / while speaking your horrifying fears" it's a sudden rhyme at the end of your lines and I feel like it's too sudden. Your poem doesn't rhyme so it's good to stay consistent in my opinion. You should stay in the present tense towards the end as well.
Now, critique aside, I love this. I think it's beautiful and you are touching on this topic in such a unique and interesting way. With some work, this is an awesome poem. I cannot emphasize enough, especially in light of my critique of it, how great this is.

[Erica Marie]

I appreciate your constructive criticism. And I get what you mean about the rhyming. However, I like to write in free verse, and adding some rhymes into a poem that doesn't consistantly rhyme is just something I do. Haha. I'll take a look at it again, but thank you for telling me you like it!

[Ban Heo]

I feel you and free verse is beautiful in that there is no rule but beauty. :)

[Beccy]

I can truly relate to this poem. Even the most seemingly emotionless feel. It is part of what makes us the species we are.

Beccy.

[Akira Kodama]

I'm not very good at reviewing in detail, since writing affects everyone differently. I can say that I enjoyed this. It's quite emotional and detailed. Great write.

[Erica Marie]

I share similar feelings towards reviewing, but thank you!

[ObscurityNone]

Very nice, Erica. I enjoyed your depiction.