Lost Lovers Forever Forgotten

i cant have you anymore. i want you with all the deep burning passion in my soul but that isnt enough for you. true nothing that made us fall apart is your fault, but i fear the worst right now as my hands tremble with want and jealousy. i fear that youve found someone else. what if something were to happen to you, would i ever find out? what if you inflicted your oun pain as i did the first few weeks? i wonder if our scars match. the deepest cuts were the ones i left in my heart and mind. im hollow inside. i cant hide the depression for much longer; im giving in. i want to talk to you so bad. so bad.. i cant wait anymore and i need to stop staring at the awkward scilences in the future that would happen if i told you my story. youll be disappointed. i wasnt a good boy. the next time i encounter you i must restrain myself from doing something i'll regret. i picture the way that you look in my head and cant imagine you crying or tearing yourself up inside knowing it'd be all my fault. i cant live with myself. i'll lay my head in the guillotine and have you pull the rope if you could stomach it. my shadow tells me that if i were to fall, thered be no guardian angel to catch me. no one behind me. i'll fall and i wont have the strength to return to my shaking feet. you were the fire inside my heart and the light of my day. i'll travle the 16 hour drive to see you. youre perfect in every way and place you walk. nothing will be okay for me. i lay awake at night sometimes wondering if the next day i'll see or hear you; knowing of course it'll be just my imagination. if i were to speak to you again, i want to let you know i never went a day without mentioning you or even let myself live without thinking of you. i have a fever of anxiety and a fear of unforgiving eyes. i hope you dream of me. i've dreamt of you.. there was a terrible accident and i rushed over to see you. you were laying in bed fast asleep and i watched over you thinking that if i were to make the slightest noise itd ruin the perfect moment. you awoke and i accompanied you in bed. we didnt speak or for any matter move. you held my hand in yours as they wrapped around your loving body. i promsed myself to take the dream catcher down from above my bed because every peaceful night i'll have of sleep and the nights i do dream they'd be of you. and sure as anything, i was right. the first night i complained of the nightmare i had. i cant remember it well. your with me when i breathe, blink, sigh, speak, all the time. i fell but cannot get back up again and youre the only person in the world that could change that difference.